yes, even the hairless ones. bc it’s not the HAIR that people are allergic to, it is the protein in the animals’ saliva. But pets have a tendency to lick themselves all over, so people think it’s the hair they are allergic to, but it’s really the saliva on the hair. So I hate it when I’m on public transportation and a dog comes and tries to lick me. All I can think of is “gawdammnit, i NEED to go home and sanitize / shower”
It is sad bc I like pets- from a distance. They are innocent, or at least more innocent than homosapiens.
Wow even dog saliva. I knew that about cats. I fostered a Sphinx cat for a while and he always smelled lightly meaty and peppery from all the licking of his bare skin. I owned a xolo for years and would bath him regularly and the water was always brown, but his elephant blue skin would always be shiny and soft. Like a damp warm peach. Then I would put sun screen on him and we would go for a long walk in the sun.
no, i haven’t left home today. i meant physically, i am not doing too well. i haven’t been doing well the few years, but I still managed. Then 2015 and 2016 happened and it has been really, really fucking bad. my body has taken so many hits, and with each one, it gets worse and worse. like permanent damage. it’s not like, you get sick and then you get better. i’ve no problem with that. but things have been happening to me the past year and half and it’s just fucking me up really bad physically. it’s fucking up my body and the damage is irreversible.
Here, I’ll share some of my bedside munchies with you. They’re for days like today when I can hardly get out of bed.
Let’s see… we’ve got granola bars, apples, Luna bars (lemon and also peppermint), packets of fruit snacks, Vitamin C Drops, diet Squirt, and Coke Zero.
Thanks for “sharing” your munchies. I used to have munchies too- stockpiled them for when I am too depressed to get out. Now, I can’t even eat any of that stuff anymore. My body is rejecting like almost everything I eat, and then I become “malnourished” bc I am allergic to everything.
I can’t eat granola bars (wheat, gluten).
I can’t eat apples (allergy).
I can’t eat Luna bars (I actually liked the lemon ones, but wheat, gluten sugar).
fruit snacks (used to love but can’t have sugar)
Vit C drops (IF they have no sugar, then ok)
Can’t have soda at all. Well, never liked soda that much so I don’t care about that, but I can’t drink *most* stuff out there, not even juices (sugar) so … life sucks. 🙁
Well, one beautiful thing is that you can still eat OUR munchies without getting sick, because they’re virtual and pixellated and have no allergenic qualities whatsoever.
So after you’re done having a few of sportsnut’s hugs, try the pizza.
It’s not bad.
🙂
“and I have apples oranges bananas and homemade pizza and diet mt dew.. cookies and blue corn chips”
apples- allergic
oranges- too acidic and too much sugar, can’t have.
bananas- i was eating them but the last time it made me throw up
homemade pizza- you’ve NO idea how much i love pizza. but allergic to dairy, wheat, gluten…
cookies- dairy, wheat, gluten, sugar
blue corn chips- corn, wheat, gluten
SIGH.
See, this is part of the reason WHY I am so depressed. I already have mental issues up to the wazoo, and now you add all the physical stuff, it’s like, $%^&*(P*&^%$!!!
Thanks for your well-meaning “sharing” of your munchies, Sportsnut. It’s just so depressing when I can’t enjoy life bc my body (and my mind) is so fucked up.
It’s hard NOT to be depressed when you have all these health / physical issues, you know? It’s not like any amount of “think happy” and “think positive” is going to will out all the physical hardships. And at least the people here on SP get that, unlike the gen pop. But still, no one can help you with your physical shit (unless you have a husband or bf or whatever, which I don’t have, and I can’t get bc- well physically sick). So round and round it goes.
That is a sickening thought. Remind me to never accept a bag of Cheetos from sportsnut.
btw sportsnut, I just thought of something.. something tells me that your female counterpart on SP would be sportsbra. ;P
I haven’t had a single “good” year since I was born. I feel like I was put on this Earth just to suffer endlessly. I’ve had a miserable existence. I’ve had SO much shit happen to me and it never stops. Starting with abuse and neglect as a child. And then all these “random” bad things that somehow just KEEP happening to me. Like a giant black cloud over my head. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, it’s fucking there, following me. It just comes to a point where you’re like, is the pain and misery EVER going to end?
The average person has good things and some bad things happen to them in life. Depressed people have more bad things happened to them. Me, it seems like the universe is purposely trying to screw me over. And Me vs. the Universe, well, I can’t possibly win against a formidable opponent as the universe.
I’ve mentioned some of the things that’s happened to me in my life in other posts. I feel like the universe has it out for me. I really do believe that. It can’t be “coincidence” that bad stuff keeps happening to me over and over and over. Like I’m being singled out.
PhantomCitizen43 posted something similar today:
suicideproject.org/2016/03/i-think-the-gods-are-fucking-with-me/#comment-487860
I think a lot of us feel that way, which might be why we feel so “at home” here.
You’re in good company.
We know that feeling, and even if we can’t fix anything, we still care and want to listen. (!!)
Phamtom called it “the gods are against him.” I’ve always thought the “universe was out to get me.” Same deal.
From a logical, statistical perspective:
If bad things keep happening to a single individual, over and over again, at a rate that is NOT normal compared to the general population, then can we logically conclude that we are statistical anomalies that “attract” bad shit (or bad shit is attracted to us) vs. it’s just all in our heads and it’s just the way depressed people *feel*
It’s like a 100 coin tosses, and we get 90/100 tails, when the average person gets 50/50 roughly.
SO then- is it just a feeling, or is it REAL?
And if it’s REAL, then wtf do you do??
The way I view it (with my own personal set of circumstances) is that I was simply born with a bad set of cards.
I was born with physical health issues that are certainly getting worse as I grow older, and I think I might also have been born with a tendency toward depression, which affects how other people see me (and affects how they treat me).
Since people often like to judge others based on appearance, that affects how they treat me also.
So I think a lot of “bad-treatment” issues are simply unfortunate results of conditions I was born with, which I had no control over.
I compensate to the best of my ability by trying to be a kind-hearted and semi-humorous person, and I hope that it makes up for the ugly rotten bits.
Instead of seeing it as lots of separate bad-issues which pelt from all directions, I see it as results from the same one or two issues that have been problematic all along.
This helps me keep my sanity a little better.
I don’t think I could handle it if I saw it as a repetitive malicious onslaught from the universe or from a deity.
It would feel like I was fighting a losing battle.
I guess sometimes it still feels like that, but at least this way I still feel empowered to even out the cards a little by trying very hard to be the best person I can.
After I die, I want people to say “We loved her and we really miss her. She wrote interesting music, she had good manners, she tried to make us laugh, and she cared how we felt.”
They can still say that, no matter what physical/psychological issues I end up dying from.
If bad things keep happening to a single individual, over and over again, at a rate that is NOT normal compared to the general population, then can we logically conclude that we are statistical anomalies that “attract” bad shit (or bad shit is attracted to us) vs. it’s just all in our heads and it’s just the way depressed people *feel*
Laws of attraction: the opposite attracts each other. So good people attract bad things. Makes sense in a way.
“I don’t think I could handle it if I saw it as a repetitive malicious onslaught from the universe or from a deity. It would feel like I was fighting a losing battle.”
That’s EXACTLY how I feel. I do feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. I wasn’t born with a physical disability where it is the source of all the bad stuff that happens to me. I get that logic. But for me, I was born healthy, I had a good, strong body. But I had the bad draw of having a shitty family that neglected me, abused me, forgot to feed me, etc. So the malnutrition from childhood is rearing it’s ugly head now. Well, it started to show at 23 (I’m 36 now). Most people experience a physical decline in their later life, or even in their 40s/50s. Me, I started “aging” at 23. Fuck me.
I went off on a tangent, but yeah, I get that the “focal point” of all my misery is my childhood abuse. It’s shaped me into who I am, affected the way I perceive the world and react to it, and in turn affects how people react to me.
But then there’s all this shit that happens- just HAPPENS to me- when I’m just sitting on the bus, or waiting for the train, or just standing somewhere. It doesn’t happen to the person to the left of me, or to the right of me. But to ME. That’s when I go “just WTF Universe!! WHY are you doing this to me???”
Just in case bah, you were wondering if sportsnut was looking for a husband or bf, which he isn’t, but he’s just clearing that up for all us fine folks here.
It sounds like you have a little black cloud on a leash that travels everywhere with you. Some days the cloud can be cute…like pusheen cat cute on its little leash and other days it is this shitstorm of hail and fire and you are left dangling from the chain hanging from it’s torrential neck…
At least this is how I imagined it while I was reading your comment.
Oh yeah…lightning balls, like cat toys hanging from the grim giant Pusheen like shit storm you have on the leash, nice, I like that detail. adds a lot to the picture. They can be those crunchy metallic type cat toys when not crackling with life threatening electricity.
I’d like to be a cat that can dispense lightening bolts through my claws. That’d be nice. I’d go after a bunch of humans after I gain this mutant ability.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling like that. I can relate tho. At times seems like the shit parade never stops. Since my chemical romance had the black parade, i’ll refer to life as “the brown parade” from now on.
How do I fix my life? If I keep on this train that I’m on… -_-‘
It’s been 36 long, hard years.
My body (health) is keeping me from doing anything (chronic fatigue).
But even then, I’ve lost the “will” to live. I may not be actively suicidal atm, but it’s been years since I last had the “drive” the “want”, the “zest” if you will, for life. I guess the last time I had that, it was before I became sick. So before age 23. That’s a long fucking time to be living life as a “zombie” – alive but not really alive.
78 comments
I am sad that Bah is sad.
🙁
so am I… you are the best bah…
aww, thanks. wish the rest of the world thought the same.
the rest of the world can kiss our bottoms… give em a round house kick to the throat.. I will sing SOFT KITTY to you.. that might cheer you up..
Soft kitty
Warm kitty
Little ball of fur…
Happy kitty
Sleepy kitty
Purr, Purr, Purr.
well, i’m actually allergic to cats (and all animals) so it makes life that much worse
soft kitty warm kitty little ball of fur happy kitty sleepy kitty purr purr purr
scratch that
even hairless ones bah?
yes, even the hairless ones. bc it’s not the HAIR that people are allergic to, it is the protein in the animals’ saliva. But pets have a tendency to lick themselves all over, so people think it’s the hair they are allergic to, but it’s really the saliva on the hair. So I hate it when I’m on public transportation and a dog comes and tries to lick me. All I can think of is “gawdammnit, i NEED to go home and sanitize / shower”
It is sad bc I like pets- from a distance. They are innocent, or at least more innocent than homosapiens.
Wow even dog saliva. I knew that about cats. I fostered a Sphinx cat for a while and he always smelled lightly meaty and peppery from all the licking of his bare skin. I owned a xolo for years and would bath him regularly and the water was always brown, but his elephant blue skin would always be shiny and soft. Like a damp warm peach. Then I would put sun screen on him and we would go for a long walk in the sun.
That was a total side trip there. Enjoy.
Are people being a bunch of jerks today?
(Kinda like asking “So, is water wet today?”)
Sometimes people can really wear us down when they get joy out of being mean.
We (and you) deserve better.
no, i haven’t left home today. i meant physically, i am not doing too well. i haven’t been doing well the few years, but I still managed. Then 2015 and 2016 happened and it has been really, really fucking bad. my body has taken so many hits, and with each one, it gets worse and worse. like permanent damage. it’s not like, you get sick and then you get better. i’ve no problem with that. but things have been happening to me the past year and half and it’s just fucking me up really bad physically. it’s fucking up my body and the damage is irreversible.
hence, dying inside and out. :'(
I am broken for you.. I ache
OMG. I can absolutely definitely relate to that.
Here, I’ll share some of my bedside munchies with you. They’re for days like today when I can hardly get out of bed.
Let’s see… we’ve got granola bars, apples, Luna bars (lemon and also peppermint), packets of fruit snacks, Vitamin C Drops, diet Squirt, and Coke Zero.
We can have a picnic while we commiserate.
and I have apples oranges bananas and homemade pizza and diet mt dew.. cookies and blue corn chips
Ooooh, homemade pizza!
And cookies!
(Which I believe the British refer to as “biscuits”.)
Thanks for “sharing” your munchies. I used to have munchies too- stockpiled them for when I am too depressed to get out. Now, I can’t even eat any of that stuff anymore. My body is rejecting like almost everything I eat, and then I become “malnourished” bc I am allergic to everything.
I can’t eat granola bars (wheat, gluten).
I can’t eat apples (allergy).
I can’t eat Luna bars (I actually liked the lemon ones, but wheat, gluten sugar).
fruit snacks (used to love but can’t have sugar)
Vit C drops (IF they have no sugar, then ok)
Can’t have soda at all. Well, never liked soda that much so I don’t care about that, but I can’t drink *most* stuff out there, not even juices (sugar) so … life sucks. 🙁
Can you still have big hugs.. I have good ones…
Aww.
Well, one beautiful thing is that you can still eat OUR munchies without getting sick, because they’re virtual and pixellated and have no allergenic qualities whatsoever.
So after you’re done having a few of sportsnut’s hugs, try the pizza.
It’s not bad.
🙂
“and I have apples oranges bananas and homemade pizza and diet mt dew.. cookies and blue corn chips”
apples- allergic
oranges- too acidic and too much sugar, can’t have.
bananas- i was eating them but the last time it made me throw up
homemade pizza- you’ve NO idea how much i love pizza. but allergic to dairy, wheat, gluten…
cookies- dairy, wheat, gluten, sugar
blue corn chips- corn, wheat, gluten
SIGH.
See, this is part of the reason WHY I am so depressed. I already have mental issues up to the wazoo, and now you add all the physical stuff, it’s like, $%^&*(P*&^%$!!!
Thanks for your well-meaning “sharing” of your munchies, Sportsnut. It’s just so depressing when I can’t enjoy life bc my body (and my mind) is so fucked up.
Cordless, only after you’ve tried Sportnuts’ Cheetos 😉
LOL
It’s hard NOT to be depressed when you have all these health / physical issues, you know? It’s not like any amount of “think happy” and “think positive” is going to will out all the physical hardships. And at least the people here on SP get that, unlike the gen pop. But still, no one can help you with your physical shit (unless you have a husband or bf or whatever, which I don’t have, and I can’t get bc- well physically sick). So round and round it goes.
@bah I understand and have been thru a lot of what you are saying except the food stuff… I have some gluten free special cheese curls for you as well…
you mean gluten-free, dairy-free, fake “cheese” curls? O_o
yep… but the sportsnut “handling with care” ads a special ju ne sai qua
If it would make you smile, I would gladly try sportsnut’s Cheetos.
even the soggy ones, that he put in his “special place?” lol
they won’t be soggy just slightly pubey..
MMM luna bars. When I was pregnant the last time I carried those everywhere with me. Luna bars and insulin….lunch of champion (pregnancies).
Acccghh…
Gah.
“Slightly Pubey” is sort of like being “Slightly Pregnant”, or “Slightly Infected With Ebola”.
But… YES. If it makes Bah smile, I will do it.
…I think.
I promised I would dig em all out cept one for you know…ummm candy floss
That is a sickening thought. Remind me to never accept a bag of Cheetos from sportsnut.
btw sportsnut, I just thought of something.. something tells me that your female counterpart on SP would be sportsbra. ;P
Andddddd never minddddd
@mindless: you win sp today.
ha… that’s a great one
gunna ad #BAH to the fan boy club
ha, Sportsbra! good one.
If I can get BAH … to be my alter ego.. she can be.. SPORTSBAH.. HA!!
wait, what? I win? I won! Woohoo! (Homer Simpson voice)
I saw a comment later on and I was confused but I stand by my joke today 😀
#SP sportsbra XD
@mindless: we have a winner at SP every day, typically they are too busy researching m@thods to claim their prize though.
I haven’t had a single “good” year since I was born. I feel like I was put on this Earth just to suffer endlessly. I’ve had a miserable existence. I’ve had SO much shit happen to me and it never stops. Starting with abuse and neglect as a child. And then all these “random” bad things that somehow just KEEP happening to me. Like a giant black cloud over my head. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, it’s fucking there, following me. It just comes to a point where you’re like, is the pain and misery EVER going to end?
The average person has good things and some bad things happen to them in life. Depressed people have more bad things happened to them. Me, it seems like the universe is purposely trying to screw me over. And Me vs. the Universe, well, I can’t possibly win against a formidable opponent as the universe.
I’ve mentioned some of the things that’s happened to me in my life in other posts. I feel like the universe has it out for me. I really do believe that. It can’t be “coincidence” that bad stuff keeps happening to me over and over and over. Like I’m being singled out.
PhantomCitizen43 posted something similar today:
suicideproject.org/2016/03/i-think-the-gods-are-fucking-with-me/#comment-487860
I think a lot of us feel that way, which might be why we feel so “at home” here.
You’re in good company.
We know that feeling, and even if we can’t fix anything, we still care and want to listen. (!!)
yeah, i read his post. he called it the “gods are against him.” i call it “the universe is against me.”
Phamtom called it “the gods are against him.” I’ve always thought the “universe was out to get me.” Same deal.
From a logical, statistical perspective:
If bad things keep happening to a single individual, over and over again, at a rate that is NOT normal compared to the general population, then can we logically conclude that we are statistical anomalies that “attract” bad shit (or bad shit is attracted to us) vs. it’s just all in our heads and it’s just the way depressed people *feel*
It’s like a 100 coin tosses, and we get 90/100 tails, when the average person gets 50/50 roughly.
SO then- is it just a feeling, or is it REAL?
And if it’s REAL, then wtf do you do??
The way I view it (with my own personal set of circumstances) is that I was simply born with a bad set of cards.
I was born with physical health issues that are certainly getting worse as I grow older, and I think I might also have been born with a tendency toward depression, which affects how other people see me (and affects how they treat me).
Since people often like to judge others based on appearance, that affects how they treat me also.
So I think a lot of “bad-treatment” issues are simply unfortunate results of conditions I was born with, which I had no control over.
I compensate to the best of my ability by trying to be a kind-hearted and semi-humorous person, and I hope that it makes up for the ugly rotten bits.
Instead of seeing it as lots of separate bad-issues which pelt from all directions, I see it as results from the same one or two issues that have been problematic all along.
This helps me keep my sanity a little better.
I don’t think I could handle it if I saw it as a repetitive malicious onslaught from the universe or from a deity.
It would feel like I was fighting a losing battle.
I guess sometimes it still feels like that, but at least this way I still feel empowered to even out the cards a little by trying very hard to be the best person I can.
After I die, I want people to say “We loved her and we really miss her. She wrote interesting music, she had good manners, she tried to make us laugh, and she cared how we felt.”
They can still say that, no matter what physical/psychological issues I end up dying from.
If bad things keep happening to a single individual, over and over again, at a rate that is NOT normal compared to the general population, then can we logically conclude that we are statistical anomalies that “attract” bad shit (or bad shit is attracted to us) vs. it’s just all in our heads and it’s just the way depressed people *feel*
Laws of attraction: the opposite attracts each other. So good people attract bad things. Makes sense in a way.
“I don’t think I could handle it if I saw it as a repetitive malicious onslaught from the universe or from a deity. It would feel like I was fighting a losing battle.”
That’s EXACTLY how I feel. I do feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. I wasn’t born with a physical disability where it is the source of all the bad stuff that happens to me. I get that logic. But for me, I was born healthy, I had a good, strong body. But I had the bad draw of having a shitty family that neglected me, abused me, forgot to feed me, etc. So the malnutrition from childhood is rearing it’s ugly head now. Well, it started to show at 23 (I’m 36 now). Most people experience a physical decline in their later life, or even in their 40s/50s. Me, I started “aging” at 23. Fuck me.
I went off on a tangent, but yeah, I get that the “focal point” of all my misery is my childhood abuse. It’s shaped me into who I am, affected the way I perceive the world and react to it, and in turn affects how people react to me.
But then there’s all this shit that happens- just HAPPENS to me- when I’m just sitting on the bus, or waiting for the train, or just standing somewhere. It doesn’t happen to the person to the left of me, or to the right of me. But to ME. That’s when I go “just WTF Universe!! WHY are you doing this to me???”
and I don’t have a husband or bf either or any family..so I get ya
huh? i had thought you were male?
I am…but I still don’t have one..don’t want one either but just letting you know..lol
Just in case bah, you were wondering if sportsnut was looking for a husband or bf, which he isn’t, but he’s just clearing that up for all us fine folks here.
he’s now looking for Sportsbra 😉
I thought he already found sportsbra?
I was under that impression too.
and so the mystery deepens…..
Or, as one of my friends used to say, “The Thick Plottens”.
(Instead of “The Plot Thickens.”)
It sounds like you have a little black cloud on a leash that travels everywhere with you. Some days the cloud can be cute…like pusheen cat cute on its little leash and other days it is this shitstorm of hail and fire and you are left dangling from the chain hanging from it’s torrential neck…
At least this is how I imagined it while I was reading your comment.
…add lightening balls
Oh yeah…lightning balls, like cat toys hanging from the grim giant Pusheen like shit storm you have on the leash, nice, I like that detail. adds a lot to the picture. They can be those crunchy metallic type cat toys when not crackling with life threatening electricity.
I’d like to be a cat that can dispense lightening bolts through my claws. That’d be nice. I’d go after a bunch of humans after I gain this mutant ability.
youtube.com/watch?v=4Z3r9X8OahA <====closest I could get for you is jedi kittens.
I think it is real, but not too many people believe me
I’m sorry that you’re feeling like that. I can relate tho. At times seems like the shit parade never stops. Since my chemical romance had the black parade, i’ll refer to life as “the brown parade” from now on.
lol the “brown parade” gives me images of the bathroom -_-‘
lol bah… combine it will the doors song then you have the soft Brown parade..
this is like the myth of the brown note.. Basically a note that when played makes you want to shit yourself……
Except that shit aint real.
Sigh. I don’t want to be me anymore. :/
I’m tired of being a sickly, depressed, jaded, angry, sad, pathetic, weepy, lonely … me.
sending flowers.. here for you
How do I fix my life? If I keep on this train that I’m on… -_-‘
It’s been 36 long, hard years.
My body (health) is keeping me from doing anything (chronic fatigue).
But even then, I’ve lost the “will” to live. I may not be actively suicidal atm, but it’s been years since I last had the “drive” the “want”, the “zest” if you will, for life. I guess the last time I had that, it was before I became sick. So before age 23. That’s a long fucking time to be living life as a “zombie” – alive but not really alive.
idk.. I’m here too for a reason … lol.. I would say you at least gotta hang out to see ronda get pounded again
SO… how do we stop the universe from shitting on us??
carry an umbrella everywhere we go
no, really. life just seems so unbearable at times. most times…
I know bah… you and a few others here is the only thing that keeps me alive.. I esteem you very highly..
I send you many hugs today bah.
thanks