I can’t sleep and I want to slice myself to ribbons

I’m tired of wishing I had ended it. I’m tired regretting the past with no future to look forward to. No one will ever care for me. I’ve led a life of such remarkable insignificance the bitterness and anger are becoming harder to control. One shot could have solved my problems. But I’m as weak now as i was then. I don’t belong in any conceivable way. I welcome death if ever it mercifully delivers me from this pain. I get it I’m inept socially. I’m incompetent to anxious/depressed/tired to work on things that I need to. I’m ugly and fat and poor and every 5 seconds I need a reminder. I’m not religious enough or too religious by believing in a form of god at all. I don’t fit in any cliques irl or the net. I shouldn’t be born. I never wanted to be here. I don’t have social media i don’t have friends. I don’t have self control enough to not eat poison. I have to rant here every few days basically rewording the same post over and over and over again. I just want some measure of peace and belonging.