Killing yourself is a bad idea. Anything short of that is far bettet.
No experience here. Last I me I tried to check myself in I was told I wasn’t bad enough off but they would call me when and if a bed came open. God bless Texas. #1 in economical growth but 49 (just ahead of Mississippi ) for social services.
This is my non-professional opinion based on my own experience: if you’re sane enough to ask this question, you aren’t likely to benefit from hospitalization. The “ward” is mostly just a hard-core 24-hour suicide watch for those too tempted by any immediate method (belts, sharp objects, heights, firearms). When I wound up in the ward way back when, I had some expectation of therapeutic relief, which was quickly dashed. There are those who need to be there, but if you are self-aware enough to recognize desperate suicidal impulses before acting on them, you may not be as bad off as you think.
Movie recommendation: The End, with Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise.
Thanks. Part of me agrees with you. But another part of me says that I need to go anyway. I don’t know. You’re probably right but until I’m there and you’re proven right that one part of my brain will never believe you I don’t think.
I went to Liberty in Savannah GA. As far as treatment went, not much. In my unit, there was a dude that jerked it constantly and a dude that growled and barked and tried attacking people like a dog. So the staff were occupied with them.
We got an hour outside. The rest inside with flickering fluorescent lighting. No windows. Little to no activity. We were locked out of our rooms during the day. The “food” was assorted colors of gravy pudding. We ate with a spoon scoop thing, no handle and the edge was 1/8 inch thick.
I was there for around a week after my last attempt. The only thing it did for me was I assure me I never want to fail again.
That sounds like absolute hell. I’m glad you didn’t turn into a werewolf like that one dude did.
Man…y’all need to move out of the Deep South. Their mental healthcare is just garbage.
Anyway, I know that after I graduate in June, I’m going to attempt. I just know I will. And I know that my attempt won’t fail. I know, sounds naïve, arrogant. But I’m sure of it. I’m not gonna talk methods but I think I’ve posted about my preferred exit plan somewhere on here before. There is no possible way for me to screw it up. Unless I pass out from the pain. But by then, I should have already ruptured the spleen, and that’ll kill me in minutes. I know I won’t fail. And I have no fcking clue how to stop myself.
So yeah. The need might not be immediate. But I know that by the time it is, well…it’ll be too late for a hospital or for a psychiatric care center.
I appreciate your comments so far guys and I’m sorry if it looks like I’m ignoring them. I can’t focus right now because D won’t stop singing and it’s pissing me the fck off. Don’t know how to shut him up. I’m just pacing around room with restless rage right now and I probably look like a fcking head case.
He’s never going to leave me alone and because of that I have no reason to keep living. I should just cut my throat. But I fucking can’t, not today. I can’t stop crying and my head is pounding like a drum.
whiskered-fish, I have never been, but I do know someone who has. She had great expectations such as a private suite with satin sheets. A therapist coming to her bedside along with snacks. She got a very rude awakening! You share a room with a stranger. No TV. Bathrooms are down the hall. Let’s not forget the strip search, although you may like that! I would not suggest committing yourself unless it is truly necessary. Be prepared to have no privacy whats so ever. Facilities like that are mainly for medication management. They have to observe you on what ever cocktail they prescribe. The food was not bad at all. The only real highlight to the stay. You have to stay until they say you can go. A minimum of 3 days. It would cost about 200.00 per day with insurance. You can not smoke. You can wear your own clothes, but they will take the strings out of everything and the underwire out of your bras. Very boring and you have to attend all of the groups otherwise they will report it to your insurance that you are not corporating. It does make you realize that your problems are not as bad as you thought having being forced to listen to everyone elses. The biggest let down was the lack of privacy. Sharing a room with a complete stranger just added to the stress.
It was pretty dumb of her to expect to have a pleasant time. Not that I don’t have sympathy for her or anything. But I think it’s common knowledge that those places aren’t supposed to be nice.
I don’t care that much if it’s horrible, I just don’t want it to be so bad that it makes me want to kill myself even more. But I guess there’s no way to know in advance if it’ll do that. It’s likely that I’ll kill myself either way then, I guess.
I doubt a pleasant time was what she was looking for seeing as she had lost her only brother in a car wreck. I was trying to let you know what to expect because no one told her. She said that being in that position without warning made it more difficult to deal with. If you have made up your mind about killing yourself then why ask this question.
I haven’t made up my mind. I’m just saying that without intervention, I know I’ll do it. And if most of these places are as bad as everyone’s saying, then their intervention will only make me worse I guess.
I don’t know. I don’t even know why I’m still here.
This is the probably most helpful thread I’ve read here. Thanks everyone for the descriptive info. Whiskered-fish I’ve been feeling a lot like you describe, no control over my impulses and pretty sure I’m going to act. I’ve been thinking about getting myself locked up in a ward. But after researching what it’s really like, and especially hearing these opinions, that option is off.
I realized that what I’m craving is for someone to give a shit. I thought I might find that at a mental ward but who are we kidding. Unless you plan on some private upscale Hollywood hospital, you’ll be treated the same was you get treated at the city emergency room. That’s something I have experienced, and let’s just say next time I’ll stitch myself up and save the aggravation and bills.
I also want to throw in a statistic I read very recently in the news, something about a huge number (like 60%?) of suicide attempts resulting in involuntary lockup have a repeat attempt within days after they’re released. After reading these experiences I can see why. The ward does nothing for you except maybe make you feel more worthless and fucked up. I could see myself just counting the minutes until they let me out so I can finish the job. The whole thing seems like a pointless exercise.
Whiskered-fish, no it totally didn’t make me resolve to hurt myself. Sort of the opposite really. Like I associated with what you’re going through, and what all these other people have experienced, and it made me realize (in a good way?) that I’m on my own. Like nobody can stop me from topping myself but me.
It’s like I’ve always had some glamorized idea of healthcare professionals fixing me. You know, the private suite and satin sheets that rocketman’s friend expected. When you have that thought in the back of your head, sometimes it makes you act more like a fuckup. You know, like “I can make a mess of myself and let the responsible members of society will fix me.” Maybe when you finally realize that nobody gives a shit about you but yourself, that might make you take better care of yourself? Who knows. Tomorrow I’ll probably resume destroying myself but for now, your thread here made me safer than I was a few minutes ago.
Thank God. In a weird sort of way, I’m really grateful to have been a part in this little victory of yours. Stay safe, man. Best wishes.
And about what you say, that is a very enlightened way of looking at it all. Man. I wish I had had that kind of revelation a few years ago. I don’t think that it could help me now, because truth be told, if I’m the only person who can save myself, then I’m doomed. I’m doomed without any question. Because I don’t want to live for myself. The only reason I want to live is for my family and for my religion. But for me? No. There’s nothing about me as a person that makes me worth saving. I’d never save myself, because I truly loathe myself.
If you are serious about wanting help then it should not matter how the place is. Voluntary is better than involuntary. If some one was to have you petitioned then you would not have a say in where you go and that usually would be the state mental hospital. I believe they can hold you there for up to 30 days, but like I said if you are serious then go where there is a bed available.
Yeah I know. I already said that I don’t care about the conditions, so long as the total humiliation of it all doesn’t serve to make me worse instead of better, like what happened with Alan. I don’t expect the conditions to be good. I just don’t want them to completely crush me and violate my spirit.
I don’t know if this counts as hospitalization, but i was something like a week on the hospital after an OD. Went there sort of voluntarily, because i put up no fight and i was awake the whole time. People were really nice, i got checked up by psychologists once a day, and it was boring as hell except from this nurse who came to have small talk from time to time (i guess she felt sorry for me or something). I do remember feeling better after being there, not “normal” better, but better… which lasted at least for a couple of months. I did have an elderly person next to me screaming 24/7, so i’m guessing i felt better because i didn’t hear screams anymore, lol.
Well I’m really glad to hear that it didn’t traumatize you and that you got some help. I guess your country cares more about their mentally ill than my country does? Or it could just be because you went voluntarily?
I’d say it was the 2nd one. It varies tho, because i remember one doc saying that he hated people that went by their own wishes, mainly because it took time from treating the real sick ones, and that anyone that had enough awareness of their issues could learn to deal with stuff by themselves. He was seen as an asshole by his own peers tho, so i’d say that’s not the norm, lol.
I hope that’s not the norm. Because as I’ve said somewhere above, they’ll never be able to take me involuntarily. If I attempt, I won’t fail. I just won’t fail, there won’t be any waking up or getting rescued in the nick of time. I’ll just die.
Yes, I’ve had experience with this including just a few months ago. In my opinion, by far and away the biggest problem with hospitalization is that you either have to insist that you are a danger to yourself (or others) or be detoxing and then be involuntarily admitted (I strongly oppose involuntary holds and commitments). You can’t simply go seek treatment on your own. I drove myself to the hospital a couple of months ago and they were not going to help me unless I mentioned the word suicide (as soon as I saw the psychiatrist I argued against the involuntary hold and it was immediately revoked). Once inside it worked fairly well for me because I knew what to expect and I’m very familiar with the laws and my rights. People often don’t know what the staff actually can and cannot legally do. To be honest, my situation was probably extremely unusual. I’m not sure they knew what to make of someone who walked in voluntarily and flat out insisted on what they wanted.
In the United States inpatient treatment is intended to be short term and for stabilization only, although they sometimes will keep somebody up to a month or more depending on the circumstances. Medication management is the biggest part of it. Where I have been the food has been good, snacks and drinks are always available, we were allowed to wear our own clothes (sans strings) and we had bathrooms in our rooms (although there was always a roommate). This last place had a television in the common area, smoking was permitted outside during scheduled breaks, and there was a separate ward for people who were psychotic or in really severe condition. The overwhelming majority of the treatment consists of attending groups. Whether or not they are helpful depends largely on whether the person running the group is competent.
Again, these places are for short-term stabilization and they watch patients very closely. They are not open minded when it comes to the subject of suicide because one of their primary purposes is to “treat” people for being suicidal.
Oddly enough, my visit to the hospital prior to this last one was only because I felt suicidal and not because I had attempted. I really only ever made one half-hearted attempt (although at the time I thought it was a serious attempt). This last time I did it because I had broken down emotionally and wanted some supervision to help me stabilize get started on medication. I wanted to give things another try.
Someone above mentioned the fact that the chance of committing suicide increases after hospitalization. There is indeed some research that supports this – I have read it. But they’ve never determined why. You may want to look into what your insurance company covers before you go, so you don’t end up with a surprise when you receive the bill later.
Good grief, twice now my comments have made it sound like I’m contradicting myself, but I don’t really need to use any more space to explain because my answers have been far too wordy as it is. Maybe I should just stop commenting for the day.
Eh. I have been to the hospital quite a few times. I find that a stay can be hit or miss, and basically can second everything said by mysteriousvisitor.
By hit or miss I am basically referring to the psychiatrist. Just depends on the medication they put you on, and if it works out in the long term. I finally got on a regiment that things are looking up a bit, my paranoia and mood swings are being mitigated for the first time in something like 10 years.
Best thing about hospital is food, make sure if you walk into an ER for suicidal ideology you walk into a hospital with a psych ward and open beds, otherwise you will be paying for an ambulance, which will run you about $1,000 without insurance. The hospital can put you in some mildly helpful after-care groups. I find that they help me maintain stability while meds are really fully functioning, and serve as a place to whine. Lastly, make sure you have an exit plan to get out of there, just in case you go stir crazy. If they demand that your parents pick you up at the front door, or that you be released into someone’s direct supervision it’s good to have someone call and bluff on your behalf, unless you actually want a family member to know you’re suicidal.
1. Ambulance: where I went a couple months ago was a psychiatric and addiction facility only – no ER. I don’t know how common these are.
2. Psychiatrist: I did have a psychiatrist in the hospital almost 20 years ago misdiagnose me, and that misdiagnosis has followed me ever since.
3. Exit plan/outpatient programs: yes, being released with no plan or support can be rough. Definitely ask if the facility offers any outpatient programs that you can participate in after release.
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34 comments
Killing yourself is a bad idea. Anything short of that is far bettet.
No experience here. Last I me I tried to check myself in I was told I wasn’t bad enough off but they would call me when and if a bed came open. God bless Texas. #1 in economical growth but 49 (just ahead of Mississippi ) for social services.
Thanks for your input, Hazy. Texas sounds terrible. What are they doing with all that money if they’re not helping anybody with it?
Hazy Day Sunflower, lets face it they seen you coming and just locked the doors.
This is my non-professional opinion based on my own experience: if you’re sane enough to ask this question, you aren’t likely to benefit from hospitalization. The “ward” is mostly just a hard-core 24-hour suicide watch for those too tempted by any immediate method (belts, sharp objects, heights, firearms). When I wound up in the ward way back when, I had some expectation of therapeutic relief, which was quickly dashed. There are those who need to be there, but if you are self-aware enough to recognize desperate suicidal impulses before acting on them, you may not be as bad off as you think.
Movie recommendation: The End, with Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise.
Thanks. Part of me agrees with you. But another part of me says that I need to go anyway. I don’t know. You’re probably right but until I’m there and you’re proven right that one part of my brain will never believe you I don’t think.
I went to Liberty in Savannah GA. As far as treatment went, not much. In my unit, there was a dude that jerked it constantly and a dude that growled and barked and tried attacking people like a dog. So the staff were occupied with them.
We got an hour outside. The rest inside with flickering fluorescent lighting. No windows. Little to no activity. We were locked out of our rooms during the day. The “food” was assorted colors of gravy pudding. We ate with a spoon scoop thing, no handle and the edge was 1/8 inch thick.
I was there for around a week after my last attempt. The only thing it did for me was I assure me I never want to fail again.
That sounds like absolute hell. I’m glad you didn’t turn into a werewolf like that one dude did.
Man…y’all need to move out of the Deep South. Their mental healthcare is just garbage.
Anyway, I know that after I graduate in June, I’m going to attempt. I just know I will. And I know that my attempt won’t fail. I know, sounds naïve, arrogant. But I’m sure of it. I’m not gonna talk methods but I think I’ve posted about my preferred exit plan somewhere on here before. There is no possible way for me to screw it up. Unless I pass out from the pain. But by then, I should have already ruptured the spleen, and that’ll kill me in minutes. I know I won’t fail. And I have no fcking clue how to stop myself.
So yeah. The need might not be immediate. But I know that by the time it is, well…it’ll be too late for a hospital or for a psychiatric care center.
I appreciate your comments so far guys and I’m sorry if it looks like I’m ignoring them. I can’t focus right now because D won’t stop singing and it’s pissing me the fck off. Don’t know how to shut him up. I’m just pacing around room with restless rage right now and I probably look like a fcking head case.
He’s never going to leave me alone and because of that I have no reason to keep living. I should just cut my throat. But I fucking can’t, not today. I can’t stop crying and my head is pounding like a drum.
whiskered-fish, I have never been, but I do know someone who has. She had great expectations such as a private suite with satin sheets. A therapist coming to her bedside along with snacks. She got a very rude awakening! You share a room with a stranger. No TV. Bathrooms are down the hall. Let’s not forget the strip search, although you may like that! I would not suggest committing yourself unless it is truly necessary. Be prepared to have no privacy whats so ever. Facilities like that are mainly for medication management. They have to observe you on what ever cocktail they prescribe. The food was not bad at all. The only real highlight to the stay. You have to stay until they say you can go. A minimum of 3 days. It would cost about 200.00 per day with insurance. You can not smoke. You can wear your own clothes, but they will take the strings out of everything and the underwire out of your bras. Very boring and you have to attend all of the groups otherwise they will report it to your insurance that you are not corporating. It does make you realize that your problems are not as bad as you thought having being forced to listen to everyone elses. The biggest let down was the lack of privacy. Sharing a room with a complete stranger just added to the stress.
It was pretty dumb of her to expect to have a pleasant time. Not that I don’t have sympathy for her or anything. But I think it’s common knowledge that those places aren’t supposed to be nice.
I don’t care that much if it’s horrible, I just don’t want it to be so bad that it makes me want to kill myself even more. But I guess there’s no way to know in advance if it’ll do that. It’s likely that I’ll kill myself either way then, I guess.
I doubt a pleasant time was what she was looking for seeing as she had lost her only brother in a car wreck. I was trying to let you know what to expect because no one told her. She said that being in that position without warning made it more difficult to deal with. If you have made up your mind about killing yourself then why ask this question.
I haven’t made up my mind. I’m just saying that without intervention, I know I’ll do it. And if most of these places are as bad as everyone’s saying, then their intervention will only make me worse I guess.
I don’t know. I don’t even know why I’m still here.
Today started off good but then I just inexplicably flipped my shit and now I’m in the darkest place I’ve been in a long time.
This is the probably most helpful thread I’ve read here. Thanks everyone for the descriptive info. Whiskered-fish I’ve been feeling a lot like you describe, no control over my impulses and pretty sure I’m going to act. I’ve been thinking about getting myself locked up in a ward. But after researching what it’s really like, and especially hearing these opinions, that option is off.
I realized that what I’m craving is for someone to give a shit. I thought I might find that at a mental ward but who are we kidding. Unless you plan on some private upscale Hollywood hospital, you’ll be treated the same was you get treated at the city emergency room. That’s something I have experienced, and let’s just say next time I’ll stitch myself up and save the aggravation and bills.
I also want to throw in a statistic I read very recently in the news, something about a huge number (like 60%?) of suicide attempts resulting in involuntary lockup have a repeat attempt within days after they’re released. After reading these experiences I can see why. The ward does nothing for you except maybe make you feel more worthless and fucked up. I could see myself just counting the minutes until they let me out so I can finish the job. The whole thing seems like a pointless exercise.
Man, you summed everything up better than I ever could. Thanks.
I’m sorry if this thread of mine makes you resolve to hurt yourself though. Please tell me it didn’t.
I hate this world. With every passing minute I want to leave it more and more.
Whiskered-fish, no it totally didn’t make me resolve to hurt myself. Sort of the opposite really. Like I associated with what you’re going through, and what all these other people have experienced, and it made me realize (in a good way?) that I’m on my own. Like nobody can stop me from topping myself but me.
It’s like I’ve always had some glamorized idea of healthcare professionals fixing me. You know, the private suite and satin sheets that rocketman’s friend expected. When you have that thought in the back of your head, sometimes it makes you act more like a fuckup. You know, like “I can make a mess of myself and let the responsible members of society will fix me.” Maybe when you finally realize that nobody gives a shit about you but yourself, that might make you take better care of yourself? Who knows. Tomorrow I’ll probably resume destroying myself but for now, your thread here made me safer than I was a few minutes ago.
Thank God. In a weird sort of way, I’m really grateful to have been a part in this little victory of yours. Stay safe, man. Best wishes.
And about what you say, that is a very enlightened way of looking at it all. Man. I wish I had had that kind of revelation a few years ago. I don’t think that it could help me now, because truth be told, if I’m the only person who can save myself, then I’m doomed. I’m doomed without any question. Because I don’t want to live for myself. The only reason I want to live is for my family and for my religion. But for me? No. There’s nothing about me as a person that makes me worth saving. I’d never save myself, because I truly loathe myself.
If you are serious about wanting help then it should not matter how the place is. Voluntary is better than involuntary. If some one was to have you petitioned then you would not have a say in where you go and that usually would be the state mental hospital. I believe they can hold you there for up to 30 days, but like I said if you are serious then go where there is a bed available.
Yeah I know. I already said that I don’t care about the conditions, so long as the total humiliation of it all doesn’t serve to make me worse instead of better, like what happened with Alan. I don’t expect the conditions to be good. I just don’t want them to completely crush me and violate my spirit.
Because in that case, it’s all counterproductive anyway.
I don’t know if this counts as hospitalization, but i was something like a week on the hospital after an OD. Went there sort of voluntarily, because i put up no fight and i was awake the whole time. People were really nice, i got checked up by psychologists once a day, and it was boring as hell except from this nurse who came to have small talk from time to time (i guess she felt sorry for me or something). I do remember feeling better after being there, not “normal” better, but better… which lasted at least for a couple of months. I did have an elderly person next to me screaming 24/7, so i’m guessing i felt better because i didn’t hear screams anymore, lol.
Well I’m really glad to hear that it didn’t traumatize you and that you got some help. I guess your country cares more about their mentally ill than my country does? Or it could just be because you went voluntarily?
I’d say it was the 2nd one. It varies tho, because i remember one doc saying that he hated people that went by their own wishes, mainly because it took time from treating the real sick ones, and that anyone that had enough awareness of their issues could learn to deal with stuff by themselves. He was seen as an asshole by his own peers tho, so i’d say that’s not the norm, lol.
I hope that’s not the norm. Because as I’ve said somewhere above, they’ll never be able to take me involuntarily. If I attempt, I won’t fail. I just won’t fail, there won’t be any waking up or getting rescued in the nick of time. I’ll just die.
Yes, I’ve had experience with this including just a few months ago. In my opinion, by far and away the biggest problem with hospitalization is that you either have to insist that you are a danger to yourself (or others) or be detoxing and then be involuntarily admitted (I strongly oppose involuntary holds and commitments). You can’t simply go seek treatment on your own. I drove myself to the hospital a couple of months ago and they were not going to help me unless I mentioned the word suicide (as soon as I saw the psychiatrist I argued against the involuntary hold and it was immediately revoked). Once inside it worked fairly well for me because I knew what to expect and I’m very familiar with the laws and my rights. People often don’t know what the staff actually can and cannot legally do. To be honest, my situation was probably extremely unusual. I’m not sure they knew what to make of someone who walked in voluntarily and flat out insisted on what they wanted.
In the United States inpatient treatment is intended to be short term and for stabilization only, although they sometimes will keep somebody up to a month or more depending on the circumstances. Medication management is the biggest part of it. Where I have been the food has been good, snacks and drinks are always available, we were allowed to wear our own clothes (sans strings) and we had bathrooms in our rooms (although there was always a roommate). This last place had a television in the common area, smoking was permitted outside during scheduled breaks, and there was a separate ward for people who were psychotic or in really severe condition. The overwhelming majority of the treatment consists of attending groups. Whether or not they are helpful depends largely on whether the person running the group is competent.
Again, these places are for short-term stabilization and they watch patients very closely. They are not open minded when it comes to the subject of suicide because one of their primary purposes is to “treat” people for being suicidal.
Oddly enough, my visit to the hospital prior to this last one was only because I felt suicidal and not because I had attempted. I really only ever made one half-hearted attempt (although at the time I thought it was a serious attempt). This last time I did it because I had broken down emotionally and wanted some supervision to help me stabilize get started on medication. I wanted to give things another try.
Someone above mentioned the fact that the chance of committing suicide increases after hospitalization. There is indeed some research that supports this – I have read it. But they’ve never determined why. You may want to look into what your insurance company covers before you go, so you don’t end up with a surprise when you receive the bill later.
By “this last time I did it” I meant went to the hospital, not attempted suicide.
Good grief, twice now my comments have made it sound like I’m contradicting myself, but I don’t really need to use any more space to explain because my answers have been far too wordy as it is. Maybe I should just stop commenting for the day.
Everything you said sounded coherent and non-contradictory to me. So don’t worry about it.
I’m really thankful for your detailed description. I’ll take everything you said into account.
I wish I could’ve given you a more detailed and articulate reply, because you put so much thought and time into your comment. I’m sorry.
Your reply was just fine! I enjoy writing, so sometimes I get carried away with my answers.
Thank you, I’m glad. And don’t be worried about getting carried away, the more details the better.
Eh. I have been to the hospital quite a few times. I find that a stay can be hit or miss, and basically can second everything said by mysteriousvisitor.
By hit or miss I am basically referring to the psychiatrist. Just depends on the medication they put you on, and if it works out in the long term. I finally got on a regiment that things are looking up a bit, my paranoia and mood swings are being mitigated for the first time in something like 10 years.
Best thing about hospital is food, make sure if you walk into an ER for suicidal ideology you walk into a hospital with a psych ward and open beds, otherwise you will be paying for an ambulance, which will run you about $1,000 without insurance. The hospital can put you in some mildly helpful after-care groups. I find that they help me maintain stability while meds are really fully functioning, and serve as a place to whine. Lastly, make sure you have an exit plan to get out of there, just in case you go stir crazy. If they demand that your parents pick you up at the front door, or that you be released into someone’s direct supervision it’s good to have someone call and bluff on your behalf, unless you actually want a family member to know you’re suicidal.
Several excellent points, EtiLamb
1. Ambulance: where I went a couple months ago was a psychiatric and addiction facility only – no ER. I don’t know how common these are.
2. Psychiatrist: I did have a psychiatrist in the hospital almost 20 years ago misdiagnose me, and that misdiagnosis has followed me ever since.
3. Exit plan/outpatient programs: yes, being released with no plan or support can be rough. Definitely ask if the facility offers any outpatient programs that you can participate in after release.