I have always dreamed of myself dying at a young age and I hope it happens. If someone asked me if I could reverse my birth, I know I would. There is no other possible answer for me. My family always says I’m useless, so why should I be here? I don’t ever get why some people say that life is a gift. Whenever I’m in the car, I always imagine some car or truck crashing into me, killing me. Instantly or not, I just want to die. But the one thing that is holding me back are my friends. My closest friend, we have always stuck together, we told each other all our secrets but I know if I told her I wanted to die, she would break. I am her only friend, I don’t know if I can just leave her. My other close friend is also suicidal but we promised each other we would die together, killing ourselves. But I know she’s not ready to die just yet. I know life is good for her right now. Even though I care about my friends with all my heart, is it really worth getting up for the day? Putting up with bullies at school? Getting abused by my “family’s” words? Is it all worth it just to not hurt my friends, my real family? I don’t know what to do anymore.
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8 comments
you sound like a wonderful friend
Thanks!
I know where you are coming from. When I hear of people dying there is a part of me that gets a little upset that they got to die instead of me. BUT. Lately life hasn’t been that bad for me so I keep going trying to make the best of things. You sound like your a good person to be friends with. From what you write you sound like you have a lot of loyalty towards your friends and that is very cool. Well hang in there. I hope things get better for you.
Thanks for the support! I really appreciate it.
Man…I can’t talk to my friends about death or suicide so I pretend I’ll be here forever and I’m happy. (I hate that…) Lucky you have a suicidal friend! Pitty the other friend is not one of us. And about your family, don’t believe in them. My family also say I am a shit but a lot of orher people don’t. Only my father gave me the right value but he died 2 years ago and since them I’m alone with these monsters saying I worth nothing but in fact you have to understand they are nothing, they are shit and because of that they must convince intelligent people like you that you worth nothing. Doing that they have some importance. It’s a disgusting strategy some people use to cheat life: destroy the soul of others.
I get it. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope things get better for you.
U sound like a good friend try talk to you friends about it
Thank you for the advice. I know I should talk to them but I don’t know how to bring up the subject.