mental detox

I’m not to sure why I’m still hanging around to be honest maybe I need to find the courage to try again and plan properly this time  ? Isit our destiny to die early I feel like iv lived two life times but I’m still young but I feel so old can people like us recover from being rock bottom depressed anxious suicidal and even attempted ? Or should we give up what r we really fighting for ? A 9 to 5 job is that living ? Do we live to work or work to live ? Why are we this way is there something in the water ? Are the government trying to depopulate the world more by suicide ? Why are there so many mental illness theses days ? I have more downs then ups in my life death truma heartbreak isolation where the light in the dark ? God has just left us to rot in this hell hole this here is not living it’s barely surviving why should I keep trying to keep my head above water ? I feel I should just let go a sink deep deep down in this black hole and drown and trust me you don’t need water to feel like your drowning and that word HOPE will or Can drive a man crazy