Over the months I have been trying to become more social. I went through a suicidal phase at the end of last year for about 3 months and it feels like its coming back. After being separated from work for “not fitting in”. Its tough for me to fit in with people that wont understand. I am a ex-army medic and how will they understand… we cannot show them… Tossed in the trash by the people you defended is pretty good reason to not be here anymore. To think I would have given my life for these people.
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Support for soldiers seems to begin and end with a bumper sticker. It’s sickening.
Sorry for your struggles.
Thank you, it is pretty tough out here…
Sorry about this… do you want to tell what happened? I don’t think you should care so much for those who can’t appreciate you. But I know it’s not that easy. How does it work, can you find somewhere else to work? Somewhere else to belong to?
It just seems the general public makes me sick to even look at. I cannot talk to anyone in the real world I do not know what is going on really. I do not desire anything anymore even sexually I just want to be alone. Nothing interests me anymore. Everyday when I wake up I am immediately sad because I woke up again. I do not think I belong anywhere I attempted suicide in 08 via car crash into a wall at 75 MPH and I think I died and I’m just living a memory or something? I am a living nightmare.
I think I didn’t survived either and that I am living in a parallel universe where I am paying for whatever I ever did…
So there is this huge amount of rage and I can totally understand it. Because it all has been unfair and ungrateful and inhuman. But you can’t let that rage eat you. You need to get it out (not against others). I talk as if I new, but I can’t handdle rage, it just stays there. And against what can you throw it? And inside what can you put it? How does it look like?
But it’s not you the one that must be finished, it’s that rage that may have became depression.
(Don’t mind me I talk a lot)
Js
You said it exactly how I feel when you said “parallel universe” you understand the feeling.
It inst that I feel rage I just feel unwanted and when I do speak my my and become vocal I get separated or thrown away it feels. Just overwhelming sadness.