I feel like I’ve tried everything and while sitting here at lowest actually LOOKING UP WAYS TO KILL MYSELF, I stumble upon this site.
And it’s like a whole new world opens up to me. For the past week and ever since 2007, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and the possibility of being severely depressed (I won’t self-diagnose myself but that’s the only way I can describe the way I feel). I’ve always been afraid to try and seek professional help mainly because I never thought I could pay for it. Now in my early 20’s, I have a full-time job and I’m STILL scared to look for help professionally. And I realized that it’s because I wouldn’t want them to prescribe pills to me. I feel hopeless and frightened of myself. I know that if I had a prescribed way to kill myself, I would do it without a second thought. It’s just the hopeless way I’ve begun to feel lately.
Yesterday, I had a nightmare about trying to kill myself and people being angry with me and saying that I had no reason to be so upset. I woke up crying my eyes out because I know my dream is only stating what I feel: that no one understands. No one gets how I feel and when I try to explain, all they can do is try and switch the topic to something that’s supposed to remind me of how good I have it and why I shouldn’t be sad. That literally makes me feel even worse.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on and I feel like this is my last chance.
Sorry for the rant…
4 comments
hey!!!! welcome !!!! that’s how pretty much all of us get here… and I self diagnose and don’t talk about stuff to people on the outside, and this place is for rants.. I am always here if u need something… well until that n cocktail
If I remember correctly, that’s how I found the site too.
It’s a nice place to be.
Rants are good. Sometimes it’s therapeutic just to throw everything out there and let it land with a big loud splat. We all do it. 🙂
Welcome.
It did feel really good to just lay it out here. This feels like a safe environment and I feel as though I could benefit from being here 🙂 for the first time in a long time, i actually have some hope.
I can also say that looking up exactly how to cut ones neck properly and other possible methods was how i found the site and so glad i did find it.