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RIP my beloved BUSH

by wintersportnut

Many of you were here for one of the most amazing romances ever known to man… i was notified last night that my true love kaylee bush took her life… It was ironic because i told her our love was like romeo and juliet except we were going to save each other from suicide instead of cause it.. in her note she notified family that we would be eternally NUTBUSH, hense the name change… the last time i talked to her she said she wasnt sure if she was strong enough to make it.. i should be happy for her and i guess i am, but i am sad for me.. She taught me how to love again, and gave me a reason to live.. i am stronger because of it, and i now know what it would feel like for anyone who might love me… I am going to try hard to stay with you amazing folks, but if i cant (Bare with, bare with, bare with) sorry inside joke.. i know my dear sweet bush will be waiting moistly magically delicious… Bush.. you knew how much i loved you and so did i… im glad you got to go loved… send me a rainbow…



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Cordless 3/18/2016 - 9:40 pm

How long had you known Kaylee?

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 9:46 pm

@ cordless…sorry for when i upset you with my rainbow shit

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 9:43 pm

not long enough…but long enough to change my world..

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 9:49 pm

I had thought it was something like this. I’m so sorry.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 9:51 pm

i miss her..we had a torid romance.. laughed for hours and hours.. those were her songs to me..please listen ..

PhantomCitizen43 3/18/2016 - 9:53 pm

I am sorry to hear of your loss.
Anytime a person we know and care about dies it hurts.
Its can be even more frustrating when its a suicide

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 9:57 pm

yes its rough, but i guess thems are the words when you meet on a suicide site.. such a sweet soul..and drop dead gorgeous… i will never be the same but the good news is that i will never be the same..

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 9:58 pm

breaks not words

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 10:02 pm

She seemed like a lot of fun, at least the little I did get to know her.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:07 pm

she was.. she was a tiny beautiful little irish lass…funny and sweet and saw my soul

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:08 pm

@hazy…as she would say SUCH FUN

nepheliad 3/18/2016 - 10:08 pm

Are you sure this really happened? People have faked suicides quite often on this site. I’m very sorry for you and her family if she did pass away, but I’m just cautioning you not to believe it happened unless you have actual proof, not just a few emails from ‘family members.’

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:09 pm

ive talked to family and a her life long friend..

nepheliad 3/18/2016 - 10:12 pm

Don’t believe it unless you see an obituary in a newspaper or something. She could have asked her family or friend to talk to you. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you (why she might do that), but sometimes people just fake deaths for whatever reason.

Mf 3/18/2016 - 10:15 pm

I was about to write exactly the same. Either way, i’m sorry about your loss sportsnut. I do hope you make it through.

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 10:10 pm

True Nepheliad. sportsnut, are you sure? Not to be cruel but there have been more than one hoaxes on this site, even in the short time I have been here.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:16 pm

im sure…

passionforalways 3/18/2016 - 10:14 pm

How old was she? Was she a member here? I will listen to the songs

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:15 pm

she was 30…

passionforalways 3/18/2016 - 10:18 pm

My age 🙂

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:19 pm

good age…she sounded like the lucky charms cereal guy..lol

passionforalways 3/18/2016 - 10:23 pm

Okay this Ellie Goulding song is very beautiful and I heard it before. I like it. I like it a lot.
I used to love this song of hers “Little Dreams” from her 2010 album “Bright Lights”. It’s less popular.
I am very impressed by your loss. If she did this then she knew you would meet again.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:26 pm

yes she knows..we had a strong conection.. both those were songs she me gave well before she died..i believe things happen for a reason…i have lost 2 people and found out about both of them the same day 13 years apart

passionforalways 3/18/2016 - 10:31 pm

And I love Darren Hayes. He he he. I am not gay in a platonic sense! What?! He has many good songs. But I did not know of this one until now. Hmmm. She found peace and happiness I am sure of that amd I am glad for it.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:43 pm

this song was so amazing.. the part where the song says i would rather see your scars than others good times.. i never new darrens solo stuff till kb turned me on to him.. i only knew the savage garden stuff..passion..it means the absolute world to me you took the time to listen..

Shortcut 3/18/2016 - 10:28 pm

This makes me feel sick to my stomach. Sportsnut I used to enjoy reading your fun threads with Kaylee. A nice break from the depressing shit, and a reminder that suicudal people can act happy too. Then I remember a few members came down on her for “spamming” apparently her posts to you weren’t suicidal enough. She stopped after that. And to think one of her last fun outlets was clipped. For the millionth time SP people, if you don’t have anything good to say then stfu. If you’re annoyed by someone else having goofy fun, would it kill you to skip the post and do something else with your day? Lord knows a lot of SP people annoy the shit out of me, but they’re having fun and you never know whose fun is their last. I really feel sick to my stomach and pissed off, so aside from this public service message, and my heartfelt condolences to Sportsnut and anyone else whose day was brightened by Kaylees posts, I’m going to take my own advice, get off this site and do something else with my day and stfu.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:35 pm

@shortest…yes she only came back one time to post a song for me…but on the bright side..we got to talk a lot more..and listen to her on the mobile… im sure she is happier, although i am sadder.. please stop by and say hi to me…your words were dear to me..

Mf 3/18/2016 - 10:35 pm

Hah, it’s fun how people’s memory plays tricks on them or their perception. Selective memory i guess?. I was the one who SUGGESTED them to email, because they were making lots of posts (not just comments, but POSTS) that pushed other posts of depressed people asking for help right into oblivion. I don’t remember being harsh nor pushy about it, and they both seemed to agree and had no problem with it.

Plus thanks to that comment sportsnut got kaylee’s email and they continued it from there. So… i guess you have a problem with something they didn’t even have a problem with? lol.

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 10:48 pm

I was the other one who suggested they take it off board or simply use one thread to have fun. I would never for the life of me suggest no one have fun. I sincerely doubt that she killed herself because I respectfully requested that she AND sportsnut go off board on email or restrict it to one thread. No one at any time, neither me nor Mf were ever rude or disrespectful.

mindlessgamer619 3/18/2016 - 11:23 pm

Agreed. I remember. Honestly, I was extremely confused as to why they were lighting up the SP comments section like facebook (albeit on a night like tonight I do it often myself..)

MyNiceSuicide 3/18/2016 - 11:34 pm

Suicidal people really can suicide happily and when happy. Suicide doesn’t requires you to be depressed or in low self-steem. This is a mith. Suicide is a choice.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 11:37 pm

we were happy..she had pain, but she had many happy times..

Not interested in life 3/19/2016 - 6:07 am

everywhere you look you see only depressed people are suicidal, yes depressed people can be suicidal, but ANYONE can be suicidal. Its like people are saying people who are depressed are wrong or something Sorry for my bad wording… Society can be a very harsh place. On the other hand some people just suicide well, there was this older guy who thought he lived his life so he made a website before he offed himself

Not interested in life 3/19/2016 - 6:05 am

Ya kinda agree with you Shortcut, i was going to call her out for spamming, but then I had some empathy and realized maybe this had meant alot to her and it looked like nutbush and sportsnut gets along really well, i also notice she left shortly after the ‘spamming’ shoutout. I mean and if someone said ‘not suicidal enough?’ WTF…

think before you write!!!! Please!!!! It may just be ‘spamming’ to you but to someone else it actually may be real substance… something that meant alot. I mean she wasn’t spamming real spam like ‘buy from my shop!!!’ ‘buy suicide drug’ etc

I’m sorry for your loss, i know alot of people fake their suicides but i don’t really want to talk about it , cuz i figure nutbush and you had a deep connection… i don’t know her but she seems genuine to me, I’m sorry i will pray for you, I’m truly sorry

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 8:11 am

@niil, thank you for your comments..sve actually did think that she wasnt depressed enough or emo enough to ne here..She just got excited and made too maybe frilvilous posts that day and so did i… They may have been happy posts, but the thing is, for some much time before she was on the end of suicide has now fallen off.. i was too for so long, still am really.. for me it doesnt help to talk about the yucky stuff that keeps me alive, it is loving you folks and loving and, sharing that love…again thank you..she probably was just excited for once to be seen for her gorgeous insides, because her outword appearance was stunning..

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/19/2016 - 11:11 am

I have never posted here without thinking about it first notinterestedinlife. There isn’t an individual on this forum that I have not thought long and hard about while either reading their comment to my post or reading their post in anticipation of possibly commenting. Me requesting they keep it on one thread was the right thing to do. I did it carefully and lovingly. Neither party was upset and it strengthened their bond. There is nothing wrong with the people on this forum having fun, there is also nothing wrong with requesting that the fun be restricted to one or two threads. The admins…where ever they are, have done this multiple times in the past without our having any control over it. I think on of the reasons they haven’t stepped in much lately is because we have been really decent about keeping things in check around here. Whether it be fun threads, like the multiple fun threads going on last night, or serious threads, like someone requesting a p@rtner, on a whole the folks lately have been extremely mindful of each other and what they are posting.

Sportsnut, sorry for posting this in this thread, but I’m not going to let this not be commented on. Mf. cares deeply about the people on this forum and the forum as a whole, he has been here for years. I care deeply about this forum and the folks here. Now I’m going to go back to memorizing Chopin.

Not interested in life 3/19/2016 - 6:14 am

Even if people are trying to be helpful it is very possible it can be taken the wrong way, i guess sometimes its better to have more empathy. People may not see things the way you do. I’m not saying she would have killed herself cuz of that, people are not really ever going to know why someone offed themself, but its usually lots and lots of little things that become one BIGGER thing, it gets that way until one cant cope – anyway this is only my opinion If i offended anyone I’m sorry

mindlessgamer619 3/18/2016 - 10:33 pm

Oh shit… That’s just… My heart is breaking for you guys :/ I’m sorry. 🙁

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:36 pm

hey buddy thank you..she would be happy that you and i have SUCH FUN!!!

PhantomCitizen43 3/18/2016 - 10:47 pm

Its sad to lose another SP member. We lost Trix not to long ago.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 10:52 pm

that is sad..tho kind of nutty too i guess, everybody wants to get out of this life and when someone makes it we are sad..we are silly creatures arent we..

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 10:54 pm

The jury is still out on Trix Phantom, we still don’t have proof, she might still resurface.

Cordless 3/18/2016 - 11:02 pm

Are you talking about Trix, or Twix?

Cordless 3/18/2016 - 11:05 pm

Trix: suicideproject.org/author/trix/

Twix: suicideproject.org/author/twix-this-rainbow/

Mf 3/18/2016 - 11:08 pm

Cereal vs Candy bar. Heck, i’d watch that instead of batman vs superman. Start working on that one zack snyder!

PhantomCitizen43 3/18/2016 - 11:24 pm

I think I meant Twix the Rainbow.
I think she is the one who said she was going to oft herself and then we havent seen a post from her since.

But HDS is right. She still could resurface. Sometimes there is no way to know for sure if a person is gone or not.

Not interested in life 3/19/2016 - 6:08 am

NO. I’m so sorry Trix.

claritee 3/18/2016 - 11:04 pm

I am so sorry for your loss <3 Please stay strong.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 11:10 pm

i am actually a lot stronger now… i found out i could love again and that i have value..and i see how hard it is to loose someone to suicide.. im not sure i could do it to someone else..

ToTrees 3/18/2016 - 11:09 pm

Twix I believe.

@Sportsnut. I’m so very sorry.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 11:11 pm

its ok buddy… i will still post songs that make you wanna vomit sometimes..

whiskered-fish 3/18/2016 - 11:20 pm

I am so, so sorry, sportsnut…may she rest in eternal peace.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 11:24 pm

thank you kitty kay… you are wizer and more angelic than you will ever no…check out those songs if u get a chance

whiskered-fish 3/18/2016 - 11:29 pm

Thanks, friend. Will do. Take care tonight.

beaubri 3/18/2016 - 11:23 pm

I am sorry for your loss 🙁

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 11:25 pm

thank you… ha ..and now i know you are not a youngin…stop by anytime..hehe

MyNiceSuicide 3/18/2016 - 11:30 pm

My condolences Sportnut.
I did not know her. I am new here…
Fake suicide or not, hope she’s doing great where she is.

sportsnut 3/18/2016 - 11:34 pm

i know she is…she is loved…and thank you for stopping by.. dont be a stranger

Wintergirl 3/19/2016 - 12:01 am

Sportsnut, I am so sorry for your loss. You two had such a special bond. I enjoyed all the posts to each other.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 12:06 am

thank you winter…We did have SUCH FUN!!! she was full of heart and soul and pain and love…we burned very hot together..im glad you enjoyed our posts. we had such grand comedic chemistry.. i was already writing a book about us before, now i am hell bent… i will share it with you..

TheValiant 3/19/2016 - 12:13 am

I’m sorry

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 12:16 am

thank you..she is at peace..

Wintergirl 3/19/2016 - 12:17 am

Sportsnut we both joined SP around the same time and I always enjoy talking with you. Write your book. I would read it. My heart is hurting for you tonight.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 12:22 am

thank you..don’t stop talking now..im sure i will need it..my heart hurts too..could could have ruled a small island together …

4beyondhelp 3/19/2016 - 12:26 am

Im sorry for your loss, and I listened to the songs, they’re so sweet and it says a lot about your relationship that those were your songs. I hope whenever the time comes, you meet again

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 12:29 am

thank you…those songs will forever be a healing balm to me…bless you for taking the time to listen

passionforalways 3/19/2016 - 12:50 am

Hey sporty, seeing all that happened in your life right now don’t ya think it would be a good idea to lay off for a while? To take time to put things into perspective? What do you think ? You could use a little break to think about all that happened recently. I mean you should stop for a while from your usual activities. Usually people need some privacy when this kind of stuff happens.

You posted two hit songs, from true artists.
These are two of my all-time trance favorites.
These are Timeless songs.
For your everlasting friendship (links below)


Wintergirl 3/19/2016 - 12:58 am

I listened to the songs, they are so nice, saved them both to my Spotify.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 12:59 am

i am honored

Wintergirl 3/19/2016 - 1:08 am

Sportsnut look up the song, Honeycomb by Helium. This is one of my favorite songs of all time. I hope you like it.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 9:29 am

@winter..find me when you get the chance..

iamtheblues 3/19/2016 - 5:36 am

Oh brother, let me begin by say I am SO sorry for your loss; words cannot express my sadness for the pain that you must surely be experiencing right now. You have my most solemn and sincere condolences.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 7:53 am

you know brother, i was hoping i got to talk to you.. i don’t think you ever got to talk to her, but she would have loved you.. she was bloody brilliant …she actually called me her better half..imagine that .. would you please listen to the songs i posted…

iamtheblues 3/19/2016 - 8:03 am

Not ever getting to know her is one of the regrets I’ll now carry with me along my journey. Yes, I’ll listen to your songs.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 8:15 am

i know without a doubt she would have absolutely adored you.. i have never been so touched..

iamtheblues 3/19/2016 - 9:19 am

I wish she could have had a chance to read, “Steps Toward Inner Peace,” ; it might have saved her. But at least she is at peace now. The tears I shed are not for her, but for those of us she left behind.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 9:24 am

meee tooo brother.. and just so you know.. i live similar to the way you want to live..i am a ghost..have been for 5 years..now i have Bush’s ghost with me…

iamtheblues 3/19/2016 - 10:41 am

Now you have piqued my curiosity, SportsNut. If you want to join me in my travels, you will certainly be welcome! With that thought in mind, I’ll leave you with a little tune I wrote a while back… the title? What else: I AM THE BLUES

I got rocks in my pockets, an’ holes in my shoes
Yeah, I said, got rocks in my pockets, an’ holes in my shoes
If ya aint got nothin’, ya gots nothin’ to lose

I aint gonna worry none, if you come back or no
I said to my baby, aint gonna worry none, if you come back or no
If ya no more want me ‘round here, I’ll just pack-up my things an’ go

I don’t cares if I live—or if I die
Ya know, I don’t cares if I live—or if I die
An’ I don’t know why—why I even try

‘cause I got no career ambitions, an’ I gots nothin’ to lose
Yeah, I said got no career ambitions, an’ gots nothin’ to lose
Girl you wonder why I sit here all day an’ play — I am the blues

Yeah, if I didn’t have no bad luck, I’d have no luck at all
Ya know, if I didn’t have no bad luck, woman I’d have no luck at’ll
So ya know it don’t matter none, if I stand or if I fall

Ya might as well leave me woman; I gots nothin’ to lose
I said, ya might as well leave me woman; I gots nothin’ to lose
Girl ya wonder why I sit here all day an’ play — I am the blues

Spoken: You know, my luck is so bad, every time a black cat crosses my path—
I feel sorry for the cat! [laughs hauntingly]

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 10:46 am

hey thank you.. i think i will take you up on your offer.. please leave an e-mail for me if u can..

iamtheblues 3/19/2016 - 11:11 am

Hey SportsNut, concerning the email thing, since I don’t have a personal email anymore, a friend of mine has allowed me the use of his… but he asked me not to post it on THIS site (due to all of the search engines indexing this site and the taboo of suicide in general; I understand his concern) and so I must respect his request. If you want to post your email here, then I’ll contact you. If you don’t want to post your email on this site, I completely understand.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 11:13 am

ya.. i will post it in a bit as a new post..please check soon..

Not interested in life 3/19/2016 - 6:10 am

Hi I’m so sorry bush is gone I don’t really have words I’m just truly sorry because you and her connection was so strong and so beautiful… and now its gone

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 7:56 am

wow niil, im glad you got to see our connection, it twas bright and brilliant.. i really do love you, and im sure she would have too…it is a blessing the small amount of interaction we get..

Ylem31 3/19/2016 - 6:37 am

I’m sorry for your loss sportsnut. May her soul rest in eternal peace.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 7:57 am

thank you ylem31.

Night In Atlantis 3/19/2016 - 8:39 am

I’m sorry sportsnut.

We often show a happy front, I know that I’m good at pretending. I think being on a suicide forum is enough to qualify us as being suicidal regardless of perceptions.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 8:50 am

ha.. me too..and i am here and i still can’t share bad stuff…for me to live i can only share the love and be loved.. she over and over commented how it was amazing how we found our love “sp of all places.”

Drowning 3/19/2016 - 10:30 am

Hay sports sorry I missed your first post my friend sorry to hear u lost a dear friend I hope u can stay strong I hope we can all hold on for as long as possible but if that time should come sooner I hope we all find peace I’m here if u want to talk u can have my email all u have to do is ask my friend

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 10:39 am

ya.. i will take it..you know i love you, d

Drowning 3/19/2016 - 11:07 am

My email in a post its waiting confirmation or what ever

dyinginny 3/19/2016 - 12:26 pm

Sorry I read this so late. I remember reading you guys’ posts a while back and was so happy for the two of you. I cried when I read your post. I’m so sorry for you. And the songs are beautiful. At least you got to share something beautiful for a while. I know you will see each other again some day. Stay strong sportsnut.

sportsnut 3/19/2016 - 12:34 pm

it was the most amazing time of my life.. im glad you got to enjoy a little of what we had.. and its good to meet you… i am sportsnutbush..stop by anytime

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