untitled

Staying friends is usually tricky and not always a good idea. If it’s been 2 weeks, give if time. You said yourself you were deeply involved for a while. Not easy to just suddenly be friends with someone who used to mean more. In terms of asking him to tell the truth if he doesn’t want to be friends, I’ve had to accept for myself that a majority of people just can’t handle being honest. They DO think they are somehow doing something nicer by lying. I tried to keep in touch with a friend who left town and kept getting strung along. I finally sent a long email and said look, the truth will benefit both of us. I’ll stop popping up in your texts every few weeks asking if I can come to visit, so you won’t have to deal with it anymore, and I’ll be free from hoping we’re going to stay friends. Even with putting it all on the line like that, I got a response that said everything was fine, of course we were still friends, and we’d plan something soon. That friend has now been gone for 2+ years. We were close for ten years. Couldn’t just give me an actual goodbye and let it end. And the funny thing is sometimes I think to myself, I should start texting them every once in a while to keep asking what happened. Because I gave them an opportunity to tell the truth so I’d stop bugging them, and they didn’t. So maybe every few weeks I should make them come up with a new excuse not to answer me. But no, of course after that email I just eventually gave up. This has happened with a lot of people. I’ve never understood the trouble people have with being honest. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s the quickest way from point a to b. I don’t lie simoly because I’m too lazy. It takes more effort and then you have to remember the lie that you told and keep your story straight. Point being, it’s possible that he’s not being truthful. If he wanted to be friends just like you do, it would be happening. You obviously think he’s being distant and I don’t think you’re imagining it. No friendship should require begging. The second it starts to feel that way, it no longer qualifies as an actual friendship. That’s how I finally let my friend go, I realized they weren’t really being a friend to me anyway, and even if I bugged enough to eventually get to visit them, it wouldn’t matter. I told them how much I’d like to get out of town and come check out the city where they moved to, and they knowingly have left me for 2 years not caring about my request. Nor could they give me the dignity of just telling me they didn’t want to stay in touch.

Give him time. If he’s being distant sometimes the easiest thing is to act that way back to them. I’ve seen it called the rubber band method or something like that. If he’s walking away from you, you start walking away from him, and maybe it’ll cause it to snap back. Keep in mind though staying friends with someone can really just prevent wounds from healing. You might say you can imagine yourself watching him date others and not be bothered, and then be surprised by how much your stomach turns the first time you hear about a new relationship. The only times I have successfully been friends with exes is when there was a decent amount of time before we were friendly again. Not two weeks. It takes time to realize you miss the person as a friend. And if he never does want to be friendly, just do your best to move on. Not worth trying to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be. It hurts but it doesn’t mean it would do any good to try to change their mind or anything. Be friends with people who don’t need convincing.