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by JiminyCrispies

I wrote 2890 words in 68 minutes. It’s for my essay that has a word limit of 2000, and it’s still not finished. I only stopped because my laptop died and I’ve lost the charger. Usually it would take me between 2-3 hours to finish it. I did it in 1. One of the only upsides to all this energy right now.

I have college tomorrow, the essay was due in last Monday and I was off so I needed it for tomorrow morning. Oh well.

I was talking to an old friend online earlier. Needlessly to say, they are barely my friend right now. They said I was manic, and I got aggressive trying to defend myself and prove I’m not. Never mind, I barely spoke to them anyway.

I feel like going for a run, but my mum would actually kill me if she knew I’d gone out a 1AM.

I can barely control my emotions now. They’re getting so intense it’s unreal. My mum showed me a slightly funny video earlier, and I laughed for 20 minutes. Full blown hysterics.

I can cope with the laughter, the happiness. It’s the anger that worries me. What should only slightly tick me off, makes me enraged. And when I should be angry, instead I’m completely furious to the point where I’m either hurting myself or breaking something. I almost hurt my mum yesterday, and my brother.

My stepdad has bruises and cuts all over him from multiple fights over the weekend. He still thinks I was just joking around with him, but I wasn’t. I just lost control and I could not calm myself down. I lashed out at him for a solid 15 minutes at one stage to the point where I had a small cut on my knuckle.

I don’t know how much longer I can cope with all this anger and irritation without completely blowing up, and I’m afraid of what will happen when I eventually do.

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1 comment

tryingtohope 4/24/2016 - 11:41 pm


Is there a private place where you can throw something at a wall? I find that a Kleenex box works well. Be sure to aim at a blank wall so as not to break anything. It will destroy the Kleenex box. But I find it feels good and is a much more helpful way to use Kleenex. Although anger is sometimes a cover for sadness. Are you sad about something? Maybe the fight with the friend? Was it really hurtful? Just a thought.

And on a practical note; if you need to edit that essay, try cutting out superlatives such as really, just and other unnecessary words. Also, if you have long sentences, try cutting them in half and seeing if you can eliminate words that way. I’m a medical writer so I thought I might offer that small bit of help.

I struggle with anger too. You can express it here. No judging. No calling you names.

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