I wrote 2890 words in 68 minutes. It’s for my essay that has a word limit of 2000, and it’s still not finished. I only stopped because my laptop died and I’ve lost the charger. Usually it would take me between 2-3 hours to finish it. I did it in 1. One of the only upsides to all this energy right now.
I have college tomorrow, the essay was due in last Monday and I was off so I needed it for tomorrow morning. Oh well.
I was talking to an old friend online earlier. Needlessly to say, they are barely my friend right now. They said I was manic, and I got aggressive trying to defend myself and prove I’m not. Never mind, I barely spoke to them anyway.
I feel like going for a run, but my mum would actually kill me if she knew I’d gone out a 1AM.
I can barely control my emotions now. They’re getting so intense it’s unreal. My mum showed me a slightly funny video earlier, and I laughed for 20 minutes. Full blown hysterics.
I can cope with the laughter, the happiness. It’s the anger that worries me. What should only slightly tick me off, makes me enraged. And when I should be angry, instead I’m completely furious to the point where I’m either hurting myself or breaking something. I almost hurt my mum yesterday, and my brother.
My stepdad has bruises and cuts all over him from multiple fights over the weekend. He still thinks I was just joking around with him, but I wasn’t. I just lost control and I could not calm myself down. I lashed out at him for a solid 15 minutes at one stage to the point where I had a small cut on my knuckle.
I don’t know how much longer I can cope with all this anger and irritation without completely blowing up, and I’m afraid of what will happen when I eventually do.