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Another week of torture

by nuclearbackpack

I just want to die. I’m suffering so much. I don’t want to leave my family and my lovely little cat but I feel I have no alternative. My existence is empty, terrifying and degrading. I’m not talented, I now hate the way I look [Yes you pay for your vanity]  and I’m not sociable.  I don’t work, I live alone and don’t want to do anything at all but of course I have to kill the time somehow – the net,  long walks, watching DVDs, visiting my parents – but it’s all just to survive another day – so I can do the same things tomorrow to try and stave off an inevitable suicide. It’s laughable.  My parents are starting to realize how agonizing life is for me – I just wish they’d let me die, my life’s been a terrible burden since I was a kid.  I’m now in the doctor’s several times a week fighting for a life that is unbearable. Like I said, laughable.

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mato42 4/14/2016 - 8:27 pm

I know the feeling of emptiness. Watching what I have already seen, just to kill time. Playing a game I have already played many times, which bring me no joy anymore, just to kill time. Browsing funny pictures on the internet in hope to laugh or at least smile, hoping to kill some time. Then night comes and after than another day. The never ending circle. Weeks, months, even years passing by. Having to visit doctors to get checked or treated, unsure whenever to hope for cure or for final sentence.

But there are still the little things to look forward to. Like your lovely little cat. How old is (s)he?

Having a talent and being sociable is overrated. Sure, it’s nice to have and be, but the ultimate point is to feel good. And if being sociable doesn’t make you feel good, then it can hardly be considered a good thing. No need for you to inflict more suffering upon yourself.

kalmahavak 4/14/2016 - 8:54 pm

Hey, you wanna talk? My email is andrewholstein1@gmail.com

and my kik is Kalmahavak

I wanna get to know you a bit more 🙂

nuclearbackpack 4/15/2016 - 3:53 pm

mato42. Thank you.

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