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Breakdown

by Zetsumei

*is playing “Echo” by Jason Walker as I write*

Hahahaha, my ex re-added me on Skype but she hates my guts! Sure, I was whiny and apathetic to her but I was fighting a really bad depression at the time. Granted, I’m still fighting it but it lessened enough for me to have some clarity now. I missed her and thought we could work things out… I really did. I guess I deserve this for my countless sins.

The future I dreamed of has turned into a nightmare and I’m breaking at the seams. Damn, I feel like Laughing Jack right now! Then again, I guess I was always a clown… She once gave me hope but I threw it away while possessed by a monster. Now, when I need her the most, she gave me hope only to crush it right in my face… That’s fine… Who needs sanity and love, anyway? Damn, I can’t type right now. My hands are shaking too much. Before I completely lose my mind, I’ll stop myself before I hurt others. This will be my gift to them.

I’m going on ahead. I hope I don’t see everyone too soon. I’m sorry for leaving, everyone. However, my mind and spirit are broken beyond repair now. Even if I could regain my sanity one day, my spirit is dead. I know it’s stupid to die over a girl but to know she hates me in my darkest hour is too much to bear. I guess a part of me is happy to have talked to her one last time…

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whiskered-fish 4/19/2016 - 8:10 pm

Going on ahead? Zetsumei, please don’t leave us. And please don’t end your life over a girl. Especially a girl who’s so shallow as to dump you over your illness. I understand that the agony you’re feeling now is great, but romantic heartbreak always fades with time. Please, please tell me that you haven’t done it yet.

Zetsumei 4/20/2016 - 12:54 am

Unless she can talk me down from the ledge, I’ve resolved to jump. However, something is confusing about her. I’ll post what I mean tomorrow which is when I’ll tell her the game I thought of. Granted, I know that I’m giving myself less than a 1% chance of winning but I see no better way to prove to her my love.

If the wheel of fate is on my death this week, so be it but I’m going to go out on my terms and my way! This “Game of Love or Death” will sound either my redemption or my requiem! Let the game begin…

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