The guy I was seeing a couple weeks ago, Aaron, turned out to be a bust. He was a really nice and sweet guy, but his interest ran out. But that’s not my main problem. It’s Presley. I am madly in love with Presley, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we were in love with each other, and then all the crap happened with Holly and Amy, he chose both of them over me, and yet we still love each other. I want to yell at him, I want to pound on his chest and beat all of my pain away as if he was a punching bag, but most of all I want us to be together again. I’ve listened to everything every one has had to say about the situation, I have taken everything into account, but I have hope. Now, hope is deadly, its far deadlier than cancer. I would rather have cancer sometimes, I be able to just accept death and defeat, but for some damn reason I have hope. I have hope that Presley will come back to me, that he’ll finally have enough and tell me that he loves me again, but I am in so much pain right now. I love him. I loved him from his beauty to his flaws, his angel and his demon, when he was poor and before he was rich.
I don’t know about any of you, but I am spiritual; I am a Pagan. I read tarot and I talk to my Goddess. My cards have told me how Presley and I are meant to be together, to spend the rest of our lives together, I dream of our future and our children, my Goddess showers me in overwhelming love every time I am near him and whenever he touches me, if he hugs me or our hands randomly meet, I feel only love and the pain disappears, he kills it all. He makes me feel safe, loved, happy, but not right now. Now, I am suspended in an ocean of mist and I cannot move, I feel only numbness, and I am tired. I love him, I love Presley so much, but I can’t do this anymore; I can’t try to live without him. I’m trying so damn hard, but if it’s too hard to move on, then what does that mean? How Presley treated me was complete shit, I admit that, and I don’t ever deserve to be treated this way or ever feel this way or be second choice. I don’t know why he even did all that, but I know that there’s something missing right now, that something is amiss and not right. Before I even let go of the rope, I want to know what it is and if it will justify my letting go or if it’ll just push me over the ledge.
I’m sorry for the rant, I want to talk to someone about this, but I know that the person that I need to talk to is Presley. It all rests in his hands; if I give him another chance that he may not deserve or if I finally let him go…