It’s time for a rant!
Sometimes I just need to get things out of my system, otherwise they stay there like bologna someone has left on the counter for ten days. Nobody wants it there but everybody’s afraid to touch it now because it’s green and crawling.
So, here are today’s things that irritate the crap out of me.
- Coupons I don’t find until the day after they’ve expired.
(“Nooooo… one day… late… Must save… twenty-five cents….”) - Loud rambunctious people in public, including kids who shout every sentence while their parents don’t take the time to teach them appropriate volume. Meanwhile the kids just shout louder.
Me: “Wouldn’t it be great if Fischer-Price made shock collars?”
Random Stranger: (*gasp in horror*)
Me: “… what?” - Things that are sticky when I have no idea how the heck they got that way.
Thing: “Here I am, all cold and wet and sticky!”
Me: “What… how…. AaauuugghhHH!” - I love the beautiful flowering trees that are blooming this time of year, and it always makes me sad that they don’t stay that way for very long. Beauty is so short-lived.
- I’ve studied German for over a year, trying very hard to become fluent. Yet this morning when a German friend greeted me (in German), my mind went blank. GaaahhH!
Ich kann nicht denken.
Sehr enttäuschend. - Random memory: In kindergarten, this kid named Randy wanted me to scoot over and get away from him. I didn’t move fast enough, so he grabbed my hand and bent a finger backward, trying to break it, causing as much pain as possible until I got away from him. He never got punished for it.
- My hands are shaking today and I have no idea why. I hope it’s not that Tardive Dyskinesia stuff I’ve heard so much about. Couldn’t possibly be the fact that I’ve drank about 5 caffeinated beverages today. (*ahem*)
- People who have the gall to tell other people who they should/shouldn’t date. People who get completely bent out of shape if you date someone five years older than yourself. Never, ever presume to have that kind of control over someone. Pull that on me and I will completely cut you out of my life, with as many sharp implements as necessary. Do I make myself clear?
.
Person: “You can’t see him, he’s five years older than you! And not that other guy, either, he’s–”
.
Me: “Here, try this arsenic I just baked into some brownies. Or jump off a cliff. Your choice.”
. - I couldn’t think of a ninth thing to add, but I’m sure that somewhere out there is something else.
Ahhh.
I feel better already.
Sort of.
Oh, look…
Brownies!
34 comments
What about people who text to tell you they’re at a bar then ignore you the rest of the day when you try to make conversation? That’s a dick move.
Yes, that would qualify too!
Something else: when you pay a lot of money for very small portions of meals that are not very good quality. Urgh.
Urgh! 😮
“Here’s a radish with some parsley on top. That’ll be twenty dollars, please. Don’t forget the tip.”
Love this list.
True story, my husband is exactly five years my junior and my mother married a man 20 years her junior. In her children’s opinion (me and my brother) Mom couldn’t have picked a better retirement plan if she tried.
20 Years!!
There are people who would absolutely shit themselves wrongside out about such a big difference.
(LOL… try painting THAT.)
😮
I believe I did last weekend. You’ll have to wait until I have another break with reality or the HBO documentary comes out.
(*Thinks of picture*)
Yes… come to think of it, you did….
I mean, I LIKED it, once I stopped whimpering in the fetal position for twenty minutes, rocking back and forth.
The colors were awesome.
I can still see the red teeth.
I have one. When the mostly inactive dog drools on the sofa. Not all over, but just in a small area right where I typically put my left thigh. Just enough drool so I don’t notice for about ten minutes. Then I begin to think..why is my thigh itchy? Only to discover that it is the wetness causing it. The dog saliva wetness. Yup. There is your #9.
Accghhh…. Dog drool wetness.
Possibly only slightly better than dog pee wetness.
Plus it smell kinda like spoiled dog food. spoiled dry kibble that has become wet. Which made my leg smell kinda like old kibble. sigh. #firstworldproblems.
(!!!) 😮
My sympathies to you and your left thigh.
It almost reminds me of the smell of having to clean up cat-puke.
Sometimes hairballs apparently weren’t artistic enough.
Cat #1: Let’s throw up right here in the bathroom doorway at precisely 11:45 pm, so when she gets up to pee in the middle of the night, the temperature of the pile will have cooled down to exactly the right temperature.
Cat #2: And I’ll hack up this hairball I’ve been saving for just the right moment. Maybe this time the human will appreciate our artistic flair. She sure does like to shout things when she finds our projects….
I think I found #10 just now:
Having the inside of my glasses get all specked with tears because I’m having hot wings for dinner and I put extra cayenne pepper on them, along with hot-salt which has additional cayenne.
Hey, they’re GOOD– I love hot things– I just wish I didn’t have to keep cleaning the glasses off.
There are about six bottles of hot sauce varieties I could also have added… Plus chopped habaneros in the freezer.
I’m kind of a chili-head. Hot is awesome. Yay endorphins.
Gotta clean the glasses again.
(*sniff*)
Cordless, i’m very busy at the moment i’ll have to answer later. dammit! the vacuum broke down the one that you plug in sockets through out the house! fuck! i paid $5000 dollars for that system! and it’s 9 years old, shit i have to fix it. 🙁
That qualifies as a good rant.
Welcome to the club. 🙂
P.S. Five THOUSAND???!!
Cordless, yes it’s built in all the walls i have a two story, it called central vac, i had to start tearing it apart, i found out the motor is bad, looked it up $150, i may get out cheap, i’ll fix it myself, the warranty was 7 years, what do you know it just past that! anything you buy that says 2 years figure they mean it, a day after it will fucking break.
What a rotten thing.
To make matters worse, it’s one of those things vodka can’t fix.
Cordless, True i’ll probably have to be sober to work on it as well, dammit!
You could try part of it WITH vodka, and part of it WITHOUT, and see which part turns out better…
1. Yep
2. LOL
3. You too? I swear every time I go to the store at least one bottle of something is all sticky. Have they forgotten that the product goes on the INSIDE?
4. Yep
I would like to add people who are rude (and sometimes dangerous) on trails, and those who water the sidewalk so you have to walk in the street.
I can just see some business meeting where the clueless guy says “Hey, I just realized that if we put the product on the outside, we can save money on packaging!”
And everyone else at the meeting is too tired or annoyed to argue, so the idea becomes reality.
Sounds about right! Packaging, paper cups, plastic bags, etc. have become so flimsy that I have had them collapse, tear, or disintegrate numerous times. Eco-friendly is good and all, but geez.
I know, right?
I have had SO many plastic shopping bags rip open lately before I can get them into the house. Sometimes I can’t even get them from the store to the car before they rip open and dump everything.
I have so many of those cloth reusable shopping bags, but I never remember to actually take them WITH ME into the store. D’oh.
This was fun cordless! Thank you for sharing! I hate when the menu says hot, but when the food comes ketchup is hopper.
And worse than that, is when someone else tastes it and thinks it really IS hot.
Pffftt.
There like, WTF, wheres the milk. Tehe good one cordless.
Yes, when I say make it spicy, I mean spicy!
Absolutely!
I usually carry a shaker of dehydrated Ghost Chili flakes with me everywhere I go.
They’re hotter than simple cayenne pepper, and they blend with lots of things.
Good stuff.
If you think that’s bad, you should hear some Yoko Ono songs. I had to listen to a song of hers at work the other day because some jerk there was listening to it. I swear, I need to clean my brain out with cue-tips now.
Ouch!
My condolences.
Cordless, how’s this, it’s a long story but i don’t have time to tell it, i’ll make it short, i bought weed killer from true value hardware the shit didn’t work i took it back, the place is owned by a husband and wife, i was dealing with the wife, she was real snotty to me, told me she couldn’t give me credit or anything, well i said that’s fine, she tried to give it back i shoved back to her said you keep it! and left, the problem is she didn’t recognize me, i’m a manager of a large plant last year we spent over $75000.00 at that store, Monday they will receive an email that were closing are account, because they have shity customer service, you see i decide who we buy from, Lowes is getting our business NOW! HA HA! THERE GOES THERE TRIP TO HAWAII, OR THE PAY CHECK OF A COUPLE OF EMPLOYEES, I live in a small town, we were their bread and butter. i don’t deal with bad customer service. her husband is going to kill her!! i’m sure of that. oh well
Definitely make sure the email tells them exactly WHY they’re losing that account.
Be specific and lay the blame exactly where it belongs.
Make them cringe.
I have faith in you. 😉