Edit:
I like this video it makes me feel less sub conscious about my looks. The girl makes me a bunch of good points now onto the post
I said in a previous post that i would kill myself in 18 (now 17 1/2 months) then i realized its more like 11 1/2. You see if im in the home strech at the same point I’m at I’m going to do it. Don’t get me wrong im moving forward still working out i have an interview tomorrow in the new city im moving to (about an hour and a half away this makes the 3rd major move in less than a year). I have the game and web design things to do along with other business i plan to start with family. There is a legit reason to be optimistic. But i have ** years of experience in failure to tell me otherwise. I cant even glance at tv with out pain being triggered. I do want to die… at times. Other times i get to anxious/depressed to move forward. Im just realizing i have less room for error than i thought. I have some bare minimum requirements before i consider myself off the suicide hook. A revenue stream doing something i like and the ability to date on girls on a regular basis without multiyear gaps between dates. (Why did i put that there here come the get out there comments from people who havent been bullied to shit about their looks/weight by girls and dudes but fuck dudes i can stab them lol). My actual goals is to be in a healthy relationship and be completely independent financially doing a job/running a business/working in a career i love but i dont feel like my basement goals are too far out of reach.
Heres the smiths because why not
https://youtu.be/kOadF-Y7fjk
18 comments
Ugly??? You are not ugly. Check out your clear blue eyes. Struggling . . . I can see you struggling and fighting for life, perhaps even a life you don’t want. I wish I could lend specific guidance, but I don’t know you. So I will not presume.
I’m 72 and have survived a lifetime of suicidal ideation. It is a process and not an easy one. For me, having my own space has been of ultimate importance, allowing me to be ‘me.’
That person in the video I don’t see as ugly, they look like fairly normal to me. I like their hair quite a bit though, like yes it’s not exactly what most people hold ideal as attractive (at least I don’t think it is) but I find it very interesting and nice…. Welp that was off topic. I just personally passed the day (and age) that I had previously planned to kill myself on today, it sort of feels nice not to have tried anything. I hope that when your date comes that you find yourself in a place where it can work out for you too. Also I’m kind of interested in the game design things that you mentioned. (if that’s what you intended to mention as in saying game design and web design) I’m curious if you like to create games too…. and if so what you like to make and such…. I’m really hoping that it is a thing you enjoy, I have never met anyone else who enjoys such things. I personally enjoy working with CCG styled games myself, but I have worked with a few other things. I’ve started dabbling with video games (am a programming majour) too, they are sort of fun in some ways. I’m sorry if I was way off here, I’m just curious ^_^ I do hope things go well for you 😀
@vedura that’s not me just a video i like seeing as it helps me feel better about myself. My eyes are not blue lol
@shatterediris i meant both. Ive designed websites for people and i was working on a game and the stopped. That said i dont know what ccg means
I edited the post to avoid confusion
ccg means collectible card game. That’s the style of game I really have a love for, I like card games with very varied cards. I don’t really like the term used to categorize them, as I would personally never want to publish something that was truely meant to target collectors, I would probably market anything I made as a living card game (lcg) but I tend to say that I enjoy making ccg-styled games, as that’s generally what people recognize better. I just love balancing cards that feel very different, and coming up with ideas about interesting mechanics. I really love card games that involve some form of board with them too, however never designed something like that which worked remotely well…. I also love those with asymmetric static resources. (like resources don’t actually change, but are different for different players, yet balanced against each other) or at least asymmetric resources with fixed growth. Those are all very interesting concepts that I love to play around with. I’m not that great at it, but I still love messing around with that sort of thing. I also do a lot of research and reading about so many things involving games…. It really upsets my father as he feels it is stupid for me to know so much useless stuff. I’m sorry but you got me talking about the thing I love 😛
but it’s cool that you meant both. Making games is an amazing experience, which I wish more people would actually have in a sincere way at least once in their life. In my opinion there is nothing that feels better. ^_^
If I was helping that girl get a makeover (I checked out some of her other videos which are more flattering), I would suggest she go for a hairstyle with bangs, grow out her hair, trim the shape of her eyebrows, use contact lenses, apply makeup, and wear form fitting clothing with colors that accentuate her best features, like her pretty blue eyes. I don’t mean to sound critical, I’m just a bit of a fashionista (on my good days), and I like seeing people look their best, haha.
Anyhow, I wish you luck in succeeding your goals, deadmanliving. I think that for those of us who aren’t in critical life or death situations, we can often exaggerate to ourselves how bad things really are, but if we take a step back we can see that the potential for improvement is there. We just need to put forward that effort. So, coming from another depressed person on a suicide site… I believe in you. 🙂 Remember to believe in yourself.
Nepheliad…hi! I agree the girl on the video needs the right makeover. She’s not ugly just not produced yet!
Total win on Smiths on a Sunday Morning.
the video about being ugly made me just lose it. What a beautiful video, which is ironic given the topic.
@shatterediris is that like yu gi oh? Im not a huge fan but i used to love watching a friend play it on his ps4. Thats very cool i hope it works out
@nephiliad Idk about the makeover thing i think that defeats the purpose of her video. No offense intended. The idea is who she is is enough. Its hard to keep that in mind and believe that about oneself without needing someone or something else to validate that.
I also think ive been so suicidal for so long with so many attempts that just ending it all is as natural a thought as any i could have. I try to but i dont have the belief that life is worth living its more suicide is so difficult to accomplish and I’m so bad at it that i may as well keep trying a little longer but if it doesn’t work out by my deadline I’m back to trying again.
@hazy it is a nice video thats why i thought I’d post it. I know I’m not the only one who feels ugly.
Here’s the thing, she isn’t ugly. She has lovely eyes and a beautiful heart. Sometimes I wish we were all blind. Eyes ruin a lot of things.
I actually commented on her video that i thought she was cute lol i actually said she’s beautiful as she is inside and out.
I’m thinking you are not alone in that.
I still have to saw that I really like her hair…. I don’t know why, but I find it really nice. It’s all wavy and stuffs. But yeah I guess her eyes are nice too…. But all eyes are nice, but it’s not something that translates well in video IMO.
oh wow, at first I overlooked this…. But yeah I guess you can say it’s like Yugioh, although I’m also personally not a huge fan of Yugioh either (although I am familiar with is (have to keep up and such)) there are oh so very many out there, and quite a few that are bigger than Yugioh, But I do have a soft spot for it still, as it was my first exposure to the genra when I was just like 6 or 7 or so…. so really I guess without Yugioh I may not be the person I am today.
opps didn’t hit reply, that was aimed at deadmanliving, sorry 🙁
Admittedly I didn’t watch the entire video, just the part in the beginning where she says she thinks of herself as an ugly person, so I felt bad for her which is why I mentioned the makeover. Whenever people complain about being ugly, unless they have body dysmorphic disorder, it’s usually because they didn’t groom themselves a certain way, BUT they don’t realize they have the potential to totally transform their looks and the way they feel about themselves just by dressing differently and getting a new hairstyle, etc. (Sometimes working out and losing weight can help too.)
I mean this about guys too, not just girls. Someone may think of themselves as ugly, yet others find them attractive. So all they need to do is take care of their body and appearance and they might start believing that they’re attractive, too.
P.S. You can see that girl in a more flattering light setting and without glasses in a video she just posted a couple days ago…
https:// youtu.be/hE9iQaSkM-o (remove spaces)
She has gorgeous eyes, as you can see here, and her hair is a lovely color. I would tell her in this video to drink more water, eat fruits and vegetables and protein, cut back on the grains and starches and sugar, go outside and get sunlight, exercise a little every day, and make sure she gets enough sleep. That’s all just from a health perspective. Healthy body, healthy mind (perhaps not always true, but it definitely helps raise one’s self esteem).
Well…what a wondeful video!!! Loved it but the girl isn’t ugly she’s only without any production!
And I wish you good luck in your life. You seem a good and interesting guy! 🙂
deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful), I really don’t understand the girls problem she looks normal to me, inter beauty is what makes you good looking, no matter what you look like you will be attractive if your attractive on the inside, i’m not saying you shouldn’t fix yourself up best you can and take care of your hygiene! 🙂 people to me are goofy looking anyways!! even sex symbols!