Wondering what I am N

Hello.  I didn’t post yesterday.  I just forgot was all.  Nothing to worry about just in case a few of you were.  Today my school had the annual senior presentations.  At my school there is a heavy focus on engineering, and every year, starting since I was a freshman, the seniors show the school and a couple of local engineers who act as judges what they worked on.  I used to be so excited for the event, since I want to be an engineer, but lately I didn’t really care.  Then there was the keynote speaker.  He was some German dude who has been working in marketing his whole life.  At first I wasn’t interested in what he was saying until I got around to hearing some of what he said.  He said there are two types of people in the world.  The tinkerers who spend their whole life thinking of ways to solve problems and not really doing anything about it and the “blinkers” (I think that’s what he said. His accent was very heavy.)  who spend their life just doing what they are told completely contempt with their life.  He said neither was bad, but the only really successful person was a person who was a little of both.  To really solve problems you have to be willing to work but still have some creativity.  He said the only way a person could really be happy is to figure out who they are and where they fit in.  It’s okay to be one or the other, but to figure it out is really what happiness is.  I suppose this is true, since I always wonder and don’t really know who or what I am and where I fit and I’m definitely not happy.  But what if someone isn’t happy with who they are?  What if I don’t want to be one or the other?  I’ve been thinking for a while.  And what I think that whatever I am, I’m not happy with.  When will I finally accept who I am?  Well thanks for listening.  See you tomorrow.  PS I read the comments on the entertainment post just if you are wondering.  I think it’s pretty cool that some of you do are and other stuff. N