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Alpha

by mranony

After discovering a certain video, I used that as a calming video to prevent me from cutting. It’s not a calming video with ocean waves on the background but a seemingly offensive video that makes me laugh and let my urge to pass. It was seen as offensive by many because of its harsh tackle on cutting but sometimes I need that slap on the cheeks and a fucking reminder to stop hurting myself. And it’s very helpful. I’ve surpassed urges because of these videos and it feels so awesome. I hope I can keep this up.

As of today, I was being blamed for things I haven’t done. They called me names. And if it was the past me, I would have locked myself and start crying and cutting but now I feel more alpha towards my urge. Like screw you, I know it’s not my fault so I won’t take your shit as an excuse to inflict pain to myself.

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4 comments

freeroma 5/30/2016 - 5:49 pm

i dunno, sometimes i think you haff to hav a ‘tough attitude’. “fuck it, i ain’t doing it. i can tough this out.” …try to shut off, at least close away for a little bit the vulnerability, least around certain people. i mean, everything can hurt and if you feel it all without some kind of walls, especially for prolonged periods i think… it makes surviving really difficult. it’s shiv though when someone lets down their guard and there’s an unexpected attack. hard to open back up..

offtopicish. we live in a politically correct era, everything is offensive. there’s a tactful way to phrase most things, but yeah. tact is kinda difficult. always more than one side, anyway. really everyone’s terrible about something or other in their own right…

still, you didn’t harm yourself. nice end result regardless how you got there.
and yeah, there’s still coffee, though i discovered chocolate covered coffee beans, like em better than a cupfull.

.. talke care, anony. i get a semisad sense whenever i see your name pop up, but you’re one of those i keep in my thoughts.

mranony 8/7/2016 - 4:59 am

@freeroma
HELLO~ I’m very sorry for the late reply ><
How have you been?
Thank you for always keeping me in your thoughts. I really appreciate it 🙂

And yeah, I should really toughen up more XD

It's good you found chocolate covered coffee bean~ That sounds very nice 🙂

AKidWithAName 5/31/2016 - 1:32 pm

I’m so happy for you that you have found a better outlet than cutting. I hope for the best for you and hope it continues to work for you. I’m currently applauding you through the screen. It took me years to find out what could keep me from cutting myself. Glad you found something that works.

mranony 8/7/2016 - 5:00 am

@AKidWithAName
Thank you very much~
I hope this outlet lasts 🙂
It’s good you found a good outlet too. I salute you~
It’s really hard to find those kind of things.

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