So this is the first time I’m going to talk about my feelings online. I’ve never done this because I feel people will judge me, but I can’t keep on keeping everything bottled up inside me.
Since I was little, I always knew I wanted to find mr Perfect and give him all the love I could give him. I did things in the past that I’m not proud of. I’m a different person now.
My father left me when I was little. He never had love for me. He wanted a son and then he got me.. He lefte and moved on to get something better. I’ve always searched for someone to truly love me.. I wanted to feel wanted.
I’ve found mr Perfect, but he judges me because of my past. He manipulates me and makes me feel more broken. Don’t be mistaken, he makes me happy when he doesn’t fight with me and tell me that I’m a slut. He says nobody will truly love me because of my past.
Everyone is leaving me and I have nobody left. I tried to kill myself a few times, but I never die. I wish I did. I wish I could end this pain. It feels as if something doesn’t want me to be happy. I feel I can’t be happy.
I feel like a mistake.. I feel nobody really cares if I live or die. I don’t even know why I’m telling this to people I don’t even know, but reading your posts makes me feel there are people that feel the way I feel.
I just wish my life was over.. I don’t want this pain anymore…
5 comments
Welcome to sp brokenness. I’ve read your post. We all did some things in our past that we are not proud of. But the past is the past and we can’t change. We only look at the present and maybe a little further in the future. If someone makes you feel bad, perhaps is not Mr perfect. It’s never too late to start fresh in your life. I know it sounds a bit of a cliche but there are options other than suicide.
How do you know that your search for mr Perfect is over? The “mr Perfect” that you describe is emotionally abusive.
I feel the same too, there isnt mr perfect but there will be a understanding guy who you will find and doesnt mind your past..
I sound so pathetic if I say that this guy is the one.. I’ve never found a connection so strong. You are right, maybe my mr Perfect is still out there.. it’s just hard to know that all the time and effort, put into a relationship, was worth nothing.
Each experience that we have shapes who we are and what we want. With a small shift in perception you could view past experiences as valuable lessons. A strong connection is only part of what makes a healthy relationship. If it was possible to establish such a strong connection with someone would it not stand to reason that a similar connection would be possible with someone who treats you kindly?