Last night my husband and I fought again over something trivial since I can’t remember what it was. He had to go work with his parents today since I’m not providing anymore. He said I’m forcing him and I should feel bad for him. He’s doing landscaping and I know it’s a hard job and I do feel bed for him. But back to last night, I took my pups out and stayed downstairs for a while. When I came up he got pissed at me saying “you know I can’t sleep alone and I have an important day tomorrow but I guess I should have guessed you mess that up to. You are suck a jinx, you ruin everything.” I know he was just upset but the words hurt and I don’t see how it matter if I’m in bed when he has to put a pillow between us at night. I lay there trying to hold the tears back and of course I can’t they roll down my face and I sniffel, he covers his ears so he won’t hear me. I finally go silent and just lay there staring at my night light until I fall asleep. I know I should leave him but I love him so much and I know he’s probably going to be the best I’m going to get. He’s so handsome and I’m ugly, I have vision problems so my eyes are perfectly straight, I’m very overweight and I guess I just don’t think I can find better. I guess today I really just don’t want to live, I was supposed to die during birth but in a cruel twist of think I survived. And now I wish I didn’t, the only thing keeping me here are my two dogs. I think they know somethings wrong because they are demanding more love from me today. I guess since I have no one to talk to i needed to vent.