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I can’t keep doing this…

by Snowy

Last night my husband and I fought again over something trivial since I can’t remember what it was. He had to go work with his parents today since I’m not providing anymore. He said I’m forcing him and I should feel bad for him. He’s doing landscaping and I know it’s a hard job and I do feel bed for him. But back to last night, I took my pups out and stayed downstairs for a while. When I came up he got pissed at me saying “you know I can’t sleep alone and I have an important day tomorrow but I guess I should have guessed you mess that up to. You are suck a jinx, you ruin everything.” I know he was just upset but the words hurt and I don’t see how it matter if I’m in bed when he has to put a pillow between us at night. I lay there trying to hold the tears back and of course I can’t they roll down my face and I sniffel, he covers his ears so he won’t hear me. I finally go silent and just lay there staring at my night light until I fall asleep. I know I should leave him but I love him so much and I know he’s probably going to be the best I’m going to get. He’s so handsome and I’m ugly, I have vision problems so my eyes are perfectly straight, I’m very overweight and I guess I just don’t think I can find better. I guess today I really just don’t want to live, I was supposed to die during birth but in a cruel twist of think I survived. And now I wish I didn’t, the only thing keeping me here are my two dogs. I think they know somethings wrong because they are demanding more love from me today. I guess since I have no one to talk to i needed to vent.

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7 comments

Amme in chaos 5/6/2016 - 1:53 pm

Words can be really hurtful sometimes, I know. But you’re strong. You have a beautiful family by the way and you’re not ugly. I love your pups.

Hazy Day Sunflower 5/6/2016 - 2:17 pm

I love the pics but I’d advise against keeping them up. This site is fully indexed on search engines and they will be available to anyone in your life.

I’m sorry you are struggling.

mysteriousvisitor 5/6/2016 - 2:59 pm

I have no right to pass judgement on your husband, but I will comment on his behavior toward you: selfish and immature. My I suggest being assertive with him and telling him the situation straight up. In you other post you said everything is paid off and you sell yourself short on looks since you have lovely skin, very pretty eyes, and perfect teeth (being a heavy person may make things a bit more challenging, but I know, and have known, A LOT of very heavy people who are married and/or in long term relationships) so don’t feel you are “stuck” and must simply tolerate anything.

And Hazy is right. It would be safer to take down the pics.

mysteriousvisitor 5/6/2016 - 2:59 pm

*your other post

mysteriousvisitor 5/6/2016 - 10:48 pm

I just now realized that “and/or” made no sense here. LOL

Snowy 5/6/2016 - 4:33 pm

Thank you all so much I really appreciate the kind words, it really means a lot to me.

rocketman 5/6/2016 - 10:18 pm

Snowy, i’m sorry, that is depressing, you should plan on leaving if that is going to keep up, their is someone out there that want’s you right next to him and would appreciate you being there. don’t stay stuck!

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