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I cant stop

by kupo95

I been cutting again I dont know why I thought I stoped but all of a sudden the razor blade was in my hand and I mad three small cuts no biggie. but becuase my body was acting before my brain I cut deep I was wearing a cardigan and I soaked the inside of it with blood . today I woke up to the devil yelling again Im shit Im lazy worthless I using her for money I am taking advantage her ……..I dont want me kids to be them wich I never said out of my mouth only on sp so What the fuck ….. So i made very tiny cuts on my wrist so it won’t pull any attention to it …but again with out realizing I kept digging and digging with the conner of the razor over and over again . I have six cuts now ….I dont why Im writing this I am going to get very good adviceand I know I am not going to listen to it .

 

I havent talked to any of my family my brothers sister my sister inlaws my parents . there all made me for not calling but a phone wprks to fucking ways . I am miserable worthless human being and I am made of shit whiley husband mother wouldn’t stop yell all morning he did not say one one word ” I’ll stop her” he said all lies he agrees with them Im lazy un kept dirty shit garbage no good for nothing hard luck …and maybe there right how can I be wrong when there all right . I want to write lazy and work harder into my skin . I thought he would have noticed the cuts from before on my thigh or on my arm but he doesn’t.. just sex and sleep thats all it is no care if im ok or not no one irl dose my parents have there own agendas for wanting me Home Im just wothless and shit and the reasons to everybody problems I should be dead .

 

I am all alone and I am going to be foever…if I have kids I know I will lose them to these people U will no longer be needed I HAVE NO RIGHTS TO THEM . and thats how it will be I want to die please just let me die


 

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2 comments

distant.road 5/15/2016 - 3:46 pm

Hi kupo… I know things are rough and that they have been for a while. Sometimes it can take a very long time for a little light to shine through.

You aren’t worthless, my friend. I wish that I could fix things for you. Even though I can’t, you’re in my thoughts.

Please be careful with the cutting. It could make things a lot worse.

If I can do anything… even listen… I’m here for you.

4beyondhelp 5/15/2016 - 5:06 pm

your family shouldn’t say that you’re garbage or worthless or things like that because it’s just not true. you have inherent worth as a human being and I hope you realize that.
please be careful with the cutting and make sure you wash the cuts with soap and water, and keep them clean, preferably with band aids.

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