I don’t have anyone to talk with, as i have not had anyone in almost 6 months, so i just want to put these thoughts here and see if maybe someone can help me understand. I’m sorry if it’s long.
Before i was alone, i had a wonderful relationship with my best and only friend. We were each other’s best and only friend and neither of us wanted any more/other friends at all. We were almost the same, except my friend was often buried in their own negativity. No one in their life was supportive, understanding or positive, except for me but right now i don’t feel i was ever truly appreciated by my friend. They had a hard time expressing any emotions due to the whole pile of negativity all around them.
I also had and have a whole lot of negativity, but i was sincerely happy to finally have my friend in my life and so i showed them gratitide and love each and every time we talked. The last few weeks we had, nothing i did seemed to truly bring my friend out of their rut, and so i got tired and depressed as well. I made it clear that i was really tired of being the only one who always fixed everything and having to be pretty much their crutch or else my friend wouldn’t even walk, so to speak. I said this nicely but with feelings of defeat, and despite my words i kept being the one to fix everything whenever my friend was far too negative.
I guess in this context “fix everything” means that i had to stay positive no matter what my friend felt, said or did, and it also meant reassuring them that i would always be there even as i got no reassurance or gratitude in return. I was giving them all of my sincere love and getting pretty much apathy in return.
So then one day my friend’s mother goes crazy (a common thing) and my friend says nothing to her, but instead bottles up all the negativity and takes it out on me, the one who was trying to help them overcome that and feel better. So that’s when my friend went insane and quite literally overnight started saying that i was the most evil thing they’d ever met, that they wanted nothing to do with me, etc.
What? I honestly cannot comprehend that. What the hell? So after several months of the best friendship and relationship we both had (i know it may have sounded negative, but overall it truly was wonderful and mutually caring), they suddenly go insane on me for no apparent reason.
Since then i have tried to contact them a few times, all with very positive messages, trying to help because i know that after all that, my friend was probably going to be sent to a mental hospital by their relatives…but instead i got blocked over and over (i had found a way to send the message despite being blocked), with absolutely no explanation whatsoever. All of that is completely unlike my friend, so i am left wondering why?
Even though i have no hopes now and will go on to end this life at last, i guess i will still wonder why…
6 comments
Ryed, wondering why is a killer, why drives you crazy, just accept the way it is, you can’t fix people that don’t want to be fixed. you gave it a good try. that’s life.
There is a sub-field of psychology called Transactional Analysis that has some good insights to a type of behavior between two people known as the victim-persecuter-rescuer triangle. It’s a common game people play.
Sometimes the only way to win is to not play the game.
SeeSmith, exactly 🙂
Truly awful answers, but well, i wasn’t expecting anything anyway.
Awful answers? What they said makes sense.
When you’re in a bad headspace and you’re close to someone, you can’t help but influence them as well. When you’re down, you’ll end up bringing them down too. It’s just a fact. If you are depressed and still want to have friends, keep your distance and only interact with them when you’re feeling good, or you might start a toxic cycle of negativity. It sounds like that is what happened with your friend. Maybe depressed folks with mental health issues shouldn’t hang out too much one-on-one. Idk.
The alternative is to try to improve yourself, but don’t let anyone depend on you and don’t become too close to anyone else until you are sure that you are doing better. Also, hang out with others who match your level of positivity so it’s not a draining experience.