Unconditional love may exist but it is not the norm, people fall in love and continue to love based upon certain criteria. Our behaviour is in part based upon our environment and the experiences we have which generally makes our actions and thought fluid and capable of change. If we no longer fulfil the requirement and expectation that people put upon us we risk their love being withdrawn. Which makes their love conditional.
Knowing this we can either find someone who loves us the way we are or increase our appeal to people by adapting ourselves to become universally attractive.
We become attracted to someone based upon our own preferences so would it not be fair to assume they do the same?
Being in a healthy relationship should be mutually beneficial and the selection criteria should be more in depth than just to avoid loneliness. Sometimes self reflection can help in assessing what we can bring to a relationship and how people assess us.
There’s no such thing as not being worthy of love. Even the most cruel people find people who love them. Sometimes you find there’s something stopping you from finding real love (it could be feeling unworthy, or being around people who make you feel that way) sometimes you just don’t meet the right person/people for a while. There will always be people out there who would love someone just like you. It’s just a matter of finding them.
A generalization on selection criteria is unfair to those who do not consider income the soul measure for human wealth.
Having said that income provides a certain living standard including health, food, and shelter, all of which are important and needed when considering raising a family. Like it or not income or career is an easy way in determining how your life may play out.
I start to believe that about myself too, for a while, all I’ve wanted was one person to love me like other people love their girlfriends/boyfriends. I blame it on not being attractive, being socially awkward, unsexy, but maybe I just have a really shitty personality, the worst part is that I don’t know why
What a person finds attractive is subjective. I don’t base my attraction to a person purely on looks. Intelligence, humour, and being a good person all rate highly to me and these are things that we have some control over.
All i want is Love And I’m sure Almost Everyone Wants, People Says Love Will Come To Everyone But That’s Just Positive Lie, Now I’m Alone and I’ve realized Already that Nothing will make me happy again But Love, Our Personality.. Everyone is different I’m never Trying to Copy someone’s Something, However Person I’m or you’re Let’s Just be whoever We’re Because If Not We’ll lie ourselves, It’s about time and our future And hope We’ll get Somethings We’re missing And naturally..
I’m guessing that “unconditional” is not really what you mean. Like Atlantis said, unconditional love doesn’t really exist except for parents and children. You want someone who loves you for who you are. It’s certainly possible to find someone like that, although I agree that often it seems like it will never happen.
Trix — I sometimes feel like cruel people have an easier time finding people who love them, because cruelty can come across to some people as confidence or strength. Somehow total assholes tend to be more attractive to others than those who are insecure, anxious, or depressed.
I question whether unconditional love is in fact healthy and does not act as a psychological hindrance to behavioural improvement.
Using your example of a parent and child, if the child was to commit an act which is legally and morally unethical such as rape or murder and the parents love does not falter it may falsely give the impression that the behaviour is tolerable and not sufficient grounds to terminate a relationship. Obviously there is a clear distinction between support and love.
The same analogy can be applied to many circumstances and individuals, not just within the related family dynamic.
One way of measuring if our behaviour is acceptable is to gauge societies reaction. I wonder what message unconditional love is sending, perhaps it’s a case of people to ignorant to believe that someone they love is capable of wrong. Maybe it’s also a reflection on their parenting or decision making abilities.
I think a clear stance needs to be portrayed on what is acceptable and that love should be subjected to conditions for the good of all. That’s not to say that we should stop supporting or helping those who do wrong, it’s more a case of forcing their behavioural improvement to what society as a whole deems acceptable by making them realise that their behaviour effect others and that there are consequences to actions.
16 comments
Unconditional love may exist but it is not the norm, people fall in love and continue to love based upon certain criteria. Our behaviour is in part based upon our environment and the experiences we have which generally makes our actions and thought fluid and capable of change. If we no longer fulfil the requirement and expectation that people put upon us we risk their love being withdrawn. Which makes their love conditional.
Knowing this we can either find someone who loves us the way we are or increase our appeal to people by adapting ourselves to become universally attractive.
We become attracted to someone based upon our own preferences so would it not be fair to assume they do the same?
Being in a healthy relationship should be mutually beneficial and the selection criteria should be more in depth than just to avoid loneliness. Sometimes self reflection can help in assessing what we can bring to a relationship and how people assess us.
Wow…so perfect…
U reminded me my terapist!
🙂
There’s no such thing as not being worthy of love. Even the most cruel people find people who love them. Sometimes you find there’s something stopping you from finding real love (it could be feeling unworthy, or being around people who make you feel that way) sometimes you just don’t meet the right person/people for a while. There will always be people out there who would love someone just like you. It’s just a matter of finding them.
Hi Trix
My “for a while” is lasting years! :/
Its hard to find a decent girl who will love for who you are and not how much you make these days.
A generalization on selection criteria is unfair to those who do not consider income the soul measure for human wealth.
Having said that income provides a certain living standard including health, food, and shelter, all of which are important and needed when considering raising a family. Like it or not income or career is an easy way in determining how your life may play out.
Same to men! :/
The Same Thing To Me, I Can’t Do Anything , I’m Like Tired Maybe Love’s Thing That I’ll Never Get.
I start to believe that about myself too, for a while, all I’ve wanted was one person to love me like other people love their girlfriends/boyfriends. I blame it on not being attractive, being socially awkward, unsexy, but maybe I just have a really shitty personality, the worst part is that I don’t know why
What a person finds attractive is subjective. I don’t base my attraction to a person purely on looks. Intelligence, humour, and being a good person all rate highly to me and these are things that we have some control over.
@ haileewantstobehappy. I love your username, I think we all want to be happy.
All i want is Love And I’m sure Almost Everyone Wants, People Says Love Will Come To Everyone But That’s Just Positive Lie, Now I’m Alone and I’ve realized Already that Nothing will make me happy again But Love, Our Personality.. Everyone is different I’m never Trying to Copy someone’s Something, However Person I’m or you’re Let’s Just be whoever We’re Because If Not We’ll lie ourselves, It’s about time and our future And hope We’ll get Somethings We’re missing And naturally..
I’m guessing that “unconditional” is not really what you mean. Like Atlantis said, unconditional love doesn’t really exist except for parents and children. You want someone who loves you for who you are. It’s certainly possible to find someone like that, although I agree that often it seems like it will never happen.
Trix — I sometimes feel like cruel people have an easier time finding people who love them, because cruelty can come across to some people as confidence or strength. Somehow total assholes tend to be more attractive to others than those who are insecure, anxious, or depressed.
I question whether unconditional love is in fact healthy and does not act as a psychological hindrance to behavioural improvement.
Using your example of a parent and child, if the child was to commit an act which is legally and morally unethical such as rape or murder and the parents love does not falter it may falsely give the impression that the behaviour is tolerable and not sufficient grounds to terminate a relationship. Obviously there is a clear distinction between support and love.
The same analogy can be applied to many circumstances and individuals, not just within the related family dynamic.
One way of measuring if our behaviour is acceptable is to gauge societies reaction. I wonder what message unconditional love is sending, perhaps it’s a case of people to ignorant to believe that someone they love is capable of wrong. Maybe it’s also a reflection on their parenting or decision making abilities.
I think a clear stance needs to be portrayed on what is acceptable and that love should be subjected to conditions for the good of all. That’s not to say that we should stop supporting or helping those who do wrong, it’s more a case of forcing their behavioural improvement to what society as a whole deems acceptable by making them realise that their behaviour effect others and that there are consequences to actions.
“total assholes tend to be more attractive to others than those who are insecure, anxious, or depressed.”
T o t a l l y true!!!!
I feel the exact same. I’ll love you! I’m a very loving person. Email me ^.^ devinbelver@yahoo.com