Living in agony

I’m tormented every single day of my life by so many things and I don’t know how to keep going. My aunt passed away a little over a month ago and it hurts just as much now as it did the day I found out. It hurts to know the death will soon be coming for my great aunt and grandmother whom I have lived with my whole life. When they die I will truly have nothing and no one in this world. I don’t think any amount of time can prepare me for when it happens. I can’t live my life!!! I cry all the time I have been failing at everything I try lately. I seriously have to pry myself out of bed every day. I’m throwing my life away because I can’t handle it right now. I have no idea what to do and no one can help me but myself and I can’t even manage that. I feel like the world is crumbling down around me and nothing I try to do can stop it. It feels like my life is stuck on a loop and I experience a slow painful death then I’m resuscitated and go through it again. I feel like I’m in hell I’ve reached a higher level of misery than I ever have. Death actually seems quite welcoming right now because I’m going crazy and all I want to do is rip myself apart.