So today’s trash day… And then something random happened I somehow let myself think even just for 2 seconds and then I suddenly wanted to just jump in the truck when it comes or stand/sit in front of le truck and let nature take its course…. One truck has already been so its still slightly possible. But then I was fine like meh mkay. But seriously forcing myself to stay alive for a 5 year old I’m starting to regret making that post/promise (I promised IRL to mah nephew) I get random thoughts in my head its weird… I’m weird… But hey some of u who r my friends on this site love me for it XD. It has been a while since I’ve actually posted tbh I should probably post more often…. Anyway back to le random spurs of wanting to die. For example I will just hold a knife and stare at it for a few seconds… And randomly a little voice pops in my head…. “I could stab myself I mean this knife is sharp enough to do so” another one pops up saying “do it just do it (was that Shia Labeouf)” anyways last but not least another voice will pop up saying “u made a promise to ur nephew look at the shit that u have dealt with and still deal with to this day do u want him to be just as fucked up as u?” Then the second and third voice will have a big argument back and forth while the first voice just sits there drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies… Then just think of random shit like the other day my nephew had come over and said to me “I wanna be just like my dad when I grow up” and then the first voice had a argument with itself “like really wow okay! So u wanna be a asshole who had good grades but dropped out of high school just to be cool with his friends, let his friends influence him into their way of thinking, Become a drug addict, then be with one of ur best friends and be in a abusive relationship together to the point ur breaking up then getting into a big argument because the one who abused u the most slept with ur brother? And then the pattern of breaking up making up 24/7 for like plenty of years till the point you’ve become a man who are then later on down the track cross paths with the person who abused u, u end up marrying that person having 2 kids with them Then seperating repeatedly just fucking with ur kids heads being like who what when where why and how. Look I understand he’s just 5 but what he said made me repeatedly want to bang my head against a brick wall…. So yep… If anything u find weird/annoying/offensive I deeply apologize I’m just super tired like honestly I woke up 2 hours ago I normally don’t wake up till at least 10 so yeah… I’ll just add a pic…
There we go and hey! It actually makes sense if u think about it… Enjoy ur morning/evening
-Sui