Feel free to disregard this post. I guess it’s just for a bit of catharsis.
My melancholy has reached a point where I can’t ignore it. Sooo tonight I’m going to drink an unhealthy amount…to put it lightly…I’ve got the shittest luck. Ok, maybe not the shittest, but on my own personal scale it is.
29 comments
I can’t help but reach out… Seeing you post something is strange, you’re usually so reserved and so I feel something must really be weighing on you at the moment.
Just general melancholy, or is something specific gnawing at you? What’s this about luck?
I hope you enjoy your drinks.
The melancholy comes in cycles, and I’m almost at the peak, but I’ve encountered people that I shouldn’t encounter in my current state, just passing glances but that’s enough. What’s the goddamn chances of seeing one person in a whole town, twice in two weeks, and at your weakest state. I guess I should play the frikken lottery, because I’m extremely “lucky”.
Thank you, I’m aiming to surpass my previous record of that one night. I don’t think it’s physically possible, but anything can happen.
Who did you encounter (if you don’t mind me asking, and if it’s easy enough to explain)
I have faith in you “whiskey wonder”… Do be careful though. Please
People from my recent past, one of them being “her”, it evokes memories and feelings that I can’t fully deal with in this state.
Haha, thank you. The whiskey wonder will try his best. Okay, I promise. I’ll stop if things begin to feel really shaky.
I see… Ouch :/
Well, I’m about to start drinking as well. So, cheers I guess.
I hope you enjoy yourself tonight.
Yeah, that’s the way it goes I guess.
Ah, cheers! Hope you don’t overdo it as well, however, that’s a bit hypocritical.
Thanks, we’ll find out next morning. Hope you enjoy yourself tonight as well.
I guess
We’re all hypocrites.
Maybe.
Also, I wonder how you handled seeing {her}… How did she seem to react? Was it from afar?
Like… In the moment
The one time, it was quite close, in a bar, she was with a friend. I pretended that I didn’t see her, and went to sit with my back to her, she and her friend was a table away. I pretended not to see her, because I didn’t want to make it awkward for her. Well, only after a couple of minutes she and her friend bailed. I could clearly see that she was trying her damnest so that I didn’t know she was there. She looked flustered. I was shaking like a little schoolboy, barely able to lift my whiskey glass.
You were shaking? Were you nervous? Or angry? What is it you wanted to do (that you couldn’t)?
Yes, the self-composed robot was shaking…I was nervous. I could feel my own heartbeat, that’s the only time that happens, when I see her. There was nothing that I wanted to do, or nothing that I thought of to do.
Hmmmm…
I’m sorry, I know that feeling (feeling your own heartbeat) can suck. Sometimes it’s cool though… Like, holy shit, I’m more than my mind.
Exactly, everytime else I feel “inhuman”, robotic. I love it when I can feel my heartbeat, it’s reassurance that I’m just human.
It can be scary too… Realizing what your body is, what your mind (soul) is in. For me body is weird, sometimes I feel like I’m not in it…. When I feel I’m in it, I want out.
I guess it can be, and that makes sense. Usually when we’re aware of our bodies we’re aware of our pain as well. I just hate to feel nothing, to not feel human, so knowing that I’m in a body is good for me.
…Well, it’s morning and I’m completely free of any hangover. I clearly wasn’t trying hard enough or my tolerance has increased.
O and I hope you’re experiencing something similar, or just less severe than what is expected. From your deleted “eye” post it seemed that you were well sloshed, however, that didn’t devalue your comments/venting.
Glad to hear you’re feeling solid
You’re right, I was “sloshed”. I’m not horribly hungover though.
Yeah, solid in the sense that I’m hangover free.
I’m glad to hear that. Hangovers are, at best, a nuisance and a distraction. One that you don’t need.
How else are you feeling? Besides not-hungover?
Good Morning Sad Potato, That awful pit of the stomach feeling I am all too familiar with. I have had exactly one person that did that to me. It took me 11 years to get to the point that my hands didn’t feel like electricity shot through them when I saw his face. To this day I have no logical reason why he caused that kind of reaction in me. We dated a measly two months. He wasn’t even all that special. Or good looking. But the minute I kissed him I was instantly hooked. HIs smell, his smile, his eyes. It has never happened to me since and I thank dear God in heaven for that because the experience almost destroyed me body and soul. I friended him on FB about three years ago and I force myself to look at his profile at least a few times a year just to ensure that it is gone, that awful “I can’t live without him I’m going to die” feeling.
Folks say that love is wonderful, that feeling of euphoria, but obsessive love or whatever the hell it is that I felt for him, that is pain and horror. I was in physical pain when he broke up with me for years. YEARS! I don’t blame him for breaking up with me I was batshit crazy at the time and didn’t even see it in myself. Batshit crazy with an obsessively meddlesome mother who sabotaged my personal relationships and academic life.
Sad Potato, you are a thoughtful person with a keen ability to self-reflect and touch others around you in a meaning manner. I see you touching lives here. Each person touched adds value to your life in certain ways. I know I learn a little about myself and this world I live in each time I interact with another human being in my life. The sad, the gentle, even folks who are hateful. They all add a value to my day that shapes the person I am. I kept walking forward even though I was broken, still am broken beyond repair. The important thing for me is knowing I am broken beyond repair and working with the shattered pieces to build a makeshift life that not only allows me to continue working, but add value to other’s lives. Keep walking forward Sad Potato.
On a side note, I absolutely love your screen name.
Unfortunately the same as yesterday Ms Black, and now frustrated. I think I just have to hunker down and try to ride through this. Like I said, my melancholy tends to come in cycles/waves.
Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like one of the classic what if situations, but it’s good to hear that you’ve come to terms with it, and have handled it so well, even if it took some time.
Thank you for the kind words Hazy Day Sunflower. I would argue against that picture of me, but thank you. I’ll definitely try to keep on walking forward.
Haha, it’s good to know that my username is so well received. You’re not the first person that apparently finds some measure of enjoyment in it.
I have an elderly obese german shepherd dog we call The Potato. She has a spot on the end of the sofa that is obese german shepherd shaped. We joke she has become more potato than dog and is in essense a Potato Dog. Every time I look at your screen name I crack the hell up because I see this potato of a dog napping quietly in the corner of the sofa.
Thank you for graciously taking a compliment. A skill that is not universal I’m afraid.
Aaah, it goes to show that you’ll never know what effect something as simple as a username will have on people.
No problem
Don’t push yourself too hard. Surpassing your record will hardly accomplish much. You would be hurting yourself. I am jus assuming here but I don’t think that is your goal
The only thing enjoyable in a drink for me is that my thoughts finally go silent. But that is not achieved by being blackout drunk.
Take care of yourself mate
Thank you, no my goal is definitely not to hurt myself.
I’ll try to take care of myself.
Hey there. Just wanted to tell you hi, and that I’ve seen you comment on many a post, so I wish the best for you. I hope the drinks can ease some of that pain you’re feeling, and replace it with a warm drunken stupor (I don’t drink btw :P). Take care of yourself.
Trey, the mindless gamer
Hi Trey, I think, overall, it’s better not to drink.
I hope so as well and thank you.