My coping skills are about as great as my social skills…they are shit, but I get through the best I know how. At my lowest you can find me hidden in the darkest room, music mind as loud as it will go, it blocks the world around me out and sometimes if I’m lucky it helps me to not focus so Much on my own thoughts, being left alone with ones thoughts, especially ones as morbid as my own, is a living hell I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I’m at my lowest. I want to relapse so bad, I want to feel that artificial happiness my addiction gives me because well I’m sick and tired of being so fucking miserable. I’m sick of the pain, inside and out. I’m sick of the fact that my scars will almost heal, then someone comes along and rips the would wide open, then walks away laughing at the sight of my blood. I have never felt so alone in my life, I’m sick of this life, I’m not sure how much more of this shit I can take, my ropes unraveling, slowly but surly I will let go or it will break, either way I would embrace that freedom with open arms..
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I can definitely relate on the social and coping skills dilemma. I usually just have to sit around and soak in the pain I/m feeling which is probably the worst part about. I’ve found working out helps me in terms of coping, but that’s about it, maybe you should give it a try? I know it’s hard to force yourself to workout when you feel so weak and miserable (at least it is for me sometimes)
Thank you for the advice, I work out some (when I can force myself to get motivated to) but I just may try to make it a regular routine, I’ve spoken with several other people who also use working out, and swear it does help, I do have to admit when I do workout for several days I do feel somewhat better physically and mentally.