Unbearable

I think I’ve made a decision if things go bad again. I think I would rather just end everything instead of leaving, that way all of my problems will be eliminated. It’s really hard to imagine that things have gotten so bad. This entire year has been so hard. I never thought things could get even worse… until they did. In the past, I thought things were bad, but I never realized that was only the beginning. I always expected things to get better because that’s what I was always told. Why did things end up like this? I never expected any of this to happen. I just want my life to be back to the way it was. This isn’t supposed to happen at all. None of this should’ve happened. I’m practically watching my life disintegrate in front of me. Nothing is the same anymore. I was hoping that things would turn out better than what they are right now, but it looks like I thought wrong. The people around me don’t seem to care about me anymore… I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to think maybe I really should start a countdown. I don’t know if anyone will notice if I start one though… I wish life was just a lot less stressful, but then again there’s no point in wishing for anything anymore is there? I mean, I wished life would get better, but it just got worse. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. Sooner or later, I feel like it’ll get to the point where I will no longer be able to harbor these thoughts. I feel like I’m getting to the point where I’m about to break apart. Everything is starting to get so unbearable. It’s starting to get harder and harder to get up in the morning. It’s getting harder and harder to stop myself from yelling and screaming and crying. It’s getting so hard to keep everything inside. Why do emotions have the need to be expressed? That just makes it even worse, because then I just feel weak and useless and I want to disappear from everyone. I just want to be happy… is that too much to ask for?

I’m sorry… I’m not your hero anymore.