damnation

honey-
the name is on the tip of my tongue
i want to tell you how merciless he is
how he will destroy you from the inside out
he will burn your heart and break your bones
there is nothing that could stop the way
he gradually steps into your life
and wedges his way into your brain
he will give you things, affection
and records, and clothes and the fake
mirage of love, this is not love

sweetie-
back away from him i want to tell you
i want to beg you to step away from him
put your hands up and protect your body
he will rip your walls down and make you
love him but he’ll never love you back
this is more than an ex that im mad at
he is the guy who ruined my life and made
me feel so worthless of love anymore
he will ruin everything you love about yourself
and you’ll blame yourself for years
because why did you ignore the warnings

dear-
stop talking to him please, he is a monster
take my word for it, this is not love, or affection
this is not him wanting to hold your hand or
show his love for you out in the world
it isn’t what love is supposed to be
hushed tones because your parents dont like him
secret smiles because no one can know
your dirty little secret is talking to him
god isn’t that a hint to you if you have to hide
this guy from your life, doesn’t that mean
there’s something wrong with him

love-
please do yourself a favor and listen to my
begging and asking and please please please
rip away yourself from him and make it hurt
if he hates you because of how you hurt him
he won’t come back like an ever growing Hydra
it will stop him from tainting your mind and heart
and it will stop him from shattering your life into pieces
and from grabbing into your rib cage and taking your heart
take my advice i know it’s not the best and i know
that i am not the best person and maybe you
don’t believe me because how could someone
so nice so lovely that you know destroy
someone’s life

sweetheart-
the answer is that he isn’t nice or lovely
he is destructive and manipulative and he
is merciless please burn your bridges with him
and walk away give him back the stuff
he gave you the clothes and records and the
bull shit love give it back to him don’t keep it
in your closet labeled in your mind as just a box
that takes up closet space burn the box and
all of the messages he wrote to you
give him back everything and tell him no
you won’t play his games you don’t even
know that they are games until he’s finished

honey-
take my advice please
the worst thing i did with him
is i didn’t stop
after the warnings and the red flags
after what happened with my red rose
after what people told me about him
the dangers of this monster i didnt stop
i kept talking and loving and sending and being
and i kept being a support for him
it wasn’t love and it never will be

honey-
burn him before he has the chance to burn everything in your life that you love
because the day will come that he won’t make it rain for the fire within your heart
and you will burn yourself and have blackened hands and wonder what you did wrong
and for years after that it will be a war inside of your head with contradictory statements
and conflicting emotions of regret and anger and sorrow and not knowing what went wrong
and someday you will be able to say what had happened and accept the fate you were given
but honey-
that is not the life you want to live so please please please i am begging you
protect yourself and chop off the ties you have with him because the pain now
of not having him in your live giving you fake god damned love will be nothing
compared to the pain you feel when you realize that he is not a lover
he is your damnation