For fucks sake, I’m not even good at killing myself. I’m a good for nothing piece of shit.
My parents are fucking annoying me. Watching me like I’m a fucking prisoner. I want to die for shits sake. They are making things very hard for me. I swear they even follow me to the bathroom. Keep me in the bedroom. And I’m sleeping on the floor on a mattress in their bedroom. The Fuck!
For the past two nights I’ve been trying, but they always get in the way. I’ll give it another shot tonight. I will have to pretend I’m better so the security loosens up a bit and I can finally do this. I can’t even cut in peace. Fuck my life!!
I know what it feels like having such a destroyed and painful life that death seems a good idea to you. I live with major depression for 3 years know and I m having a horrible time thinking about death. Only my mother is the exact opposite of your parents: she ignores it completely. I could have killed myself a thousand times but I didn’t and even if my head is fucking hurting and I m such a mess I don’t think I ever will. The point is ; do you really want to kill yourself? Because if your parents have come to this you must have given them more than good reasons to act that extreme way. I personally had to go to a psychiatric hospital for putting my life in danger. The point I m going to make won’t probably please you but I hope somehow it will help. After doing what I did I realized I just acted in a childish way
In fact all I did, was to raise attention, who my pain and make my mother and stepfather pay for not giving a shit about me and being disrespectful. I realised that if I really want to die it won’t be just a suicide attempt I would make it quietly, act as if I’m perfectly fine and tell nobody so that I m perfectly sure there is no coming back. So I see three options for you : continue to act as you do and your parents will go on with their intrusive behaviours, try to calm down and make them understand they can trust you and so regain your autonomy. I ll advise you the second choice. From then on you could whether try to have more control over your life and fox things or kill yourself if you think that life is so painful that you would to give up.
I agree with Moonchild, it’d be best to first try and calm down and think rationally about your situation. Your parents are watching you like a hawk, so anything you do will get their attention and they will intervene.
You need to regain their trust, which will give you more freedom. If you really don’t want to end your life, then seek out therapy or do what you need to do to get better-clearly your parents want to help you.
However if you are intent on going through, then you need to have a smart plan and a good means of pulling it off. Additionally why harm/cut yourself? You could end up in the hospital or a mental institution for months.
Also you need your body/health intact to complete your plan. Say you cut some nerve, damaged your hand, then it stops working so now you’re crippled-you’d be much worse off than you are now. Think through things, don’t be reckless, esp with the most important decisions in your life.
I’m sorry Ylem..