Dedication

I feel like I am facing impossible odds, addiction, ocd, depression, social phobia, isolation, chronic pain. I feel like it would be easy to continue on the path i’m on and just self destruct to death. But for some reason I can’t explain I feel an inner calling telling me to fight. It’s not hope, it’s anger. I’m pissed off at the way the world is and I don’t want to let it kill me. I know I will be greeted with unimaginable pain in taking this path. I know my own mind will turn on me again, convince me I will never make it, and make me physically mentally and emotionally feel drained to the point of barely being able to do anything. I know I will be temped by feelings of giving up, giving completely into my addiction, or suicide. I know any one of these things will destroy me and must be avoided. I am so sick of my life being on the line day after day. I am sick of not living a real life and instead just surviving. I may not win, but goddammit i’m going to give it hell or die trying. I know I need the help of others though to make it. Honestly what do I really have left to lose? Nothing, I have lost everything and I am sitting in a dark hole. I think the path is simple yet extremely difficult. Reconnect with who I really am, and reclaim my life.