I don’t understand myself I feel fake and unreal. I’m frightened I don’t know why I’m here. I write this in panic I feel stuck. I’m sad but I can’t describe the sadness but it’s destroying me I can’t do ordinary things and live life properly. I’m scared but I can’t describe the fear its leaves me afraid. I don’t want to communicate with people I want to stay safe at home. I not ready to go back to routine of school,socialising and ordinary life I’m too scared and down to do so. I cant keep up with the rest of the world I feel behind everyone else. I try and surround myself with happy people but I feel so distant I feel as if I’m not there that I’m just floating about. I’m jeleous of their happiness and how despite there sadness and problems they can continue with normal life and fight through. I used to be able to do this but I lost it. I can’t communicate properly my thoughts can’t be translated into words so when I seek help I can’t even explain myself. My tone my voice my everything doesn’t match what I’m feeling it makes no sense, I make no sense in scared I don’t understand. I could write to someone but I feel as if I’ll be judged as if all this doesn’t make sense, my mind keeps going blank when people ask how I feel but truth is I don’t know. I feel sad but it’s more than that. I feel frightened but it’s more than that and I feel distant from everything as if my existence isn’t real what is wrong with me. I expected the doctors to help me but I feel as if things have got so much worse.
2 comments
I have feelings like that too. If you want you can write to me.. Except that I feel that I don’t make much sense and don’t quite understand myself either 🙂 do you have someone you trust?
I would really appreciate writing to you. at the moment I have nobody I can properly open up to except doctors but even then I’m guarded and cautious of what I say. Maybe we can help each other and not make sense together It’s my only hope for now