I’ve realized a few things over the years. I can’t tell anyone anything, you know, because I’ll always remember what happened the first time. But when I first became depressed, it was because of social anxiety, and the bullying from my peers. But now I’ve escaped them, and I went to a different school district where I could finally make friends and be happy. I could forget the scars, and I could forget all the pain. I could be happy, you know?
But that wasn’t how it happened. My brain lied to me. I was happy for a few short months, and then I was sinking again. Alone, depressed, but I wouldn’t cut again, no I would not. But it got so bad, and I didn’t understand where everything was coming from. I’ve been on this site a few times, and during my happy times, I tried to help people. I would listen to them and try to convince them to not kill themselves.
I’m losing it. I’m losing my vision for this post, and I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you guys everything, but my brain’s skipping around, and its late, and I’m just tired ok? I’m tired of all this bullshit. My family is very homophobic, I’m bi, and I’m depressed and I really stressed out right now. Ok? But that doesn’t matter, because no one really cares. There are seven fucking billion people on this earth, and don’t really matter in the long run.
I wish I could explain my whole story. But here’s a short version: bullied in middle school, no friends, tried to kill myself, mom mad at me, mom blamed me for all her problems, cut a lot, moved to different school district, made friends, depressed again, cut again, happy again, had friends, new year, depressed, grandma dying, there when my grandma died, depressed and cutting again, happy again, and the cycle goes on. Its stupid. It confuses me sometimes.
Found out I actually like girls, and wow, I’m bisexual. Now my parents will hate me forever, I can never tell them, and I’m not really believing in God anymore, so who am I? Why do I hate myself so much? And why can’t I ever really be happy? Am I really better off dead?
And why am I never good at anything?
1 comment
Your head must be messy sorry I can’t answer your questions are you able to contact a specialist in Psychology?