I have decided to go through with the ibogaine flood. I have a strong action plan that I plan on following after the flood in an attempt to recover my life. I have decided to cut all internet access for 90+ days because I believe it will take that long for me to set up new habits in my life. The internet has absolutely ruined my life and also I can’t have the distraction of the internet taking away from me focusing on rebuilding my life. I will cut all internet access in a few days and will disappear for 3-4 months. I will see you all again sometime in March or April. Hopefully I will be a new man, with a life worth living. If nobody has heard from me by May, I probably gave up and died. Wish me luck.
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Message me if you want my cell # though. I probably should keep in contact with some people because this is my main support group, and I need you guys.
Hey I’m sure that you’re sure you wanna do this. Just wanted to know how did you think about it? And what about the inner phobias stopping u from living your life ? What about all the agony and let me know something that could be of relevance to me.
it might help me n I might even do the same stuff.
I had somebody suggest it to me when I was at my lowest point with literally no ideas of anything left to try other than suicide. I started looking into it and was reading stuff on it saying it has to potential to help you escape an addiction and rebuild your life. Anything with even a slight possibility to do that is something worth trying to me because I am so tired of losing my mind on a daily basis. My inner phobias are i’m terrified of people, I repress myself, I have past trauma, guilt and regret killing me. I feel like i’ve become so jaded, like my sick angry point of view wont let me see anything without that warped lens. Truthfully I don’t know if it will work, but I have hope that it will. From what i’ve read it shows promise, and i’ve seen a ton of inspirational reports from people saying it saved their lives. It also has risks. My number is (502) 762-2035, shoot me a text and If you want after I do it I can tell you my experience with it, good or bad. I would definitely not recommend just jumping into it without knowing what you are getting into. The reason i’m doing it is right now i’m at the point where i’m starting to really feel hopeless about everything again, and that makes this option appealing, when the alternative is suicide.
Your phobias are same as mine. I’m glad to have seen this post.
”I feel like i’ve become so jaded, like my sick angry point of view wont let me see anything without that warped lens” – I thought no one could get out of this sick point of view but now that I know that you’re trying, I’ll try. I’m terrified of people I’m plainly afraid of what people do next to me their unforgivable sins towards me and my stupidities collect and blow my brains. I’m not inclined towards changing my life and the will to not destroy myself gradually failed and died. How to bring back that will to live I don’t know. Psychologist or maybe transplanting a new brain in me. Your insights ?
I think recognizing the problem is the first step. Realizing that i’m controlled by my unconscious beliefs is huge for me. I see people enjoy life, but I don’t, I really hate life. I think it has to be my beliefs because I have met people who are rich and have everything be miserable and alcoholic, and i’ve seen people locked in psych wards be grateful for life. It doesn’t make sense, but what you believe, and your outlook influences the way you experience life. There has to be a way out of your own mental imprisonment, I haven’t found it yet, but I know there is a way. The way to recover the will to live and improve is to find hope again. It goes back to beliefs. If I believe there is no possible way I will never try, but if I have hope that things can change, I will take actions to change, and eventually change will happen.
If you’re dependant on the internet and suddenly cut it out, you might experience a sort of withdrawal. Not necessarily a bad thing, just be sure to keep busy and don’t replace being online with staring at the ceiling. I’ve gone through my fair share of addictions and found that it’s not the pleasure it brings that makes it appealing, but the lack of any alternatives. Boredom can be brutal.
And if you can’t help going back online after a day, week, month etc, don’t be too hard on yourself. Good luck.
Boredom is definitely killer. I have set up a really good action plan following the experience though, to make sure that I don’t end up starting it the ceiling, or worse replace my problem with another problem, meaning taking benzos recreationally, smoking weed 24/7, ect. again like I have in the past when i’ve tried to escape my addiction. I honestly can’t allow myself to fall back into this shit again. I understand not being too hard on myself, but my problem has gone way too far, has hurt me too much and i’d really rather jump off a bridge than do this any more. 90 days off the internet is mandatory because if I fall back into it, I may as well just die.
I think last night was a breaking point for me. I felt like fucking god, I hate myself because of this shit, I poison myself with this toxic hell everyday, i’m losing my soul, i’m losing my mind, I can’t do this anymore, something has to change, everything has to change.
I’ve done this in the past for like four whole months away from the internet …but I have a violent surrounding everything needs to change… maybe ill leave it upto God and see if he helps me change the entire shit.
I really do think everything has to change. It’s scary to make changes, but as bad as my life is right now, that tells me nothing is really working. If you think of death, that shows a huge willingness to change. The get rid of everything is the biggest change possible. I would say instead of suicide, use the willingness to change to make major positive changes in your life. That’s what i’m trying to do.
That will help me. I’m gonna do it now.
Making change is always hard, the beginning is always the hardest. You will probably feel strong feelings of resistance and fear rising up. Just remember change is a process, don’t be discouraged if you are unable to make major changes starting off. If you have been living a certain way for a long time and then you suddenly try to change everything fear will certainly show up. The important thing is affirming any changes you do make, large or small. Also i’ve found in my life, some things I can’t change on my own. When you find a problem like that, all you have to do is get help from others.
The trouble with addiction is that once you’ve beaten it, there’s a million different things to replace it with. I still haven’t found a way to overcome the root cause of my need to be addicted to something. I can go a few days without any drug, or needing to be online or play a video game, but eventually I’ll be alone in my room, in silence, feeling that cold empty feeling inside and i’ll think ‘fuck it’.
I think it’s so much worse for the suicidal too, because self-destructive behaviour is just natural for us. If I hate myself, the thought that tobacco is corrupting my lungs or that weed is rotting my brain doesn’t mean a thing. All I know is that solving an addiction doesn’t solve a broken life, but not solving it makes things so much more difficult. We’re all on the right track, I’m sure.
Okay you really make a change in my brain chemistry. These words are of great importance to me.
I’m just realizing there is more to addiction than not doing the negative behavior, or using the substance. The root cause is internal in the mind. I feel like if I get to the root cause and heal that the addiction will die off. But if I focus on just stopping the addiction, i’ll just keep playing whack a mole with it. I could be wrong though.
What about the things I purely fucked up? Leaving everyone to believe I’m wrong when I was right. There are always the quotes and people speaking these stuffs it’s always a trigger for my ownself. I feel like they’ll come to meet me later in life and watch a mess… or just shit on my image or other things people usually do. JUDGE ME.
I don’t know if I should get into medication again to numb this unimaginable pain or else just erase all and try a different city and stop speaking altogether. I need pills donno…
Gl with the ibogaine wolf. I’m interested to learn how it turns out for you. We seem to have many similarities. Luckily I never became physically addicted to anything.
After you kick the drugs I suggest finding that root problem that pushed you into them, because you know you can’t just break off the head of the weed, you have to pull it out by the roots and figure out where the hell them damn seeds were coming from.
Once you’ve got the source, though, you drain the compulsion’s hold over you. At least that has been my experience.
Shake that shit out of you. Cough it up. Spit it out. Take a step back and say “how’d that nasty shit get inside me anyway”
From there you can only improve and move forward.
You got this man.
Thanks man. That’s the appeal of iboagine to me, apparently it can reset your brain to a preaddicted state, reducing cravings, and the power of addiction. But more than that apparently the trip exposes all of the repressed memories and allows you to face them and heal. I’m hoping it will help me to cut to the source of my suffering, and help me eliminate it.