I’ve decided if I don’t see her again, if she is never a part of my life again, then I am done. When I met her we started as friends. We had similar thoughts and interests. We were real with each other and we connected on such a deep level. It turned into a romantic relationship, we had so much love, trust, and respect for each other. It felt like a close friendship with romantic love involved. She was so beautiful, always there for me, so compassionate. The first time we kissed my whole body completely lit up and I felt like I never had before. Cuddling with her, looking into her eyes, listening to her laugh, I was truly happy. I was grateful to be alive. When we first had sex it was a spiritual connection. We connected with each other on a heart level and it was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. I thought she was always going to be there with me. I told her I felt like she was my soulmate. I felt like anything was possible with her. Then I went to a treatment center for ocd, I wanted to be a better healthier person. Going to that goddamned place ruined everything. My life fell apart there. They convinced my parents to kick me out of the house. The Dr there put me on the wrong med, and I felt like I was going insane. I finally got myself kicked out of there just to leave. I was facing homelessness, suicide, misery. I called her for support and she said during that phone call that she doesn’t love me romantically anymore, that she loves me as a friend and needs some space. I was hurt so badly, that I had myself comitted to a psych ward. When I got out I tried texting her I just wanted my friend to be there for me, I was so alone and scared. She blocked my number and refused to even talk to me. I went around the block and was hurt and pissed off. I left her voice mails saying what the fuck?!?! I went off the deep end and I really hurt her. I haven’t seen her in three years, but I think about her everyday. I have dreams about her. I can’t live with this sadness and pain anymore. From not being a part of her life, and from how i’ve hurt her. I sent her a letter a few days ago. In the letter I told her how sad I am about everything that happened, how much I regret hurting her, how much I miss her, and how much she means to me. If I don’t hear back from her, I am just going to be done with it and od. I never want to meet anybody else romantically. I have had girls interested in me and I have almost broke down crying and had to just walk away from them. I know she is the only person I want to be with and love. Sharing love with someone is what makes life worth it, it makes the struggle and suffering of life meaningful and worth going through. I am not going to carry this sadness and pain anymore. I have done absolutely everything I can to get her to see how much I love her, and if that’s not enough then i’m fucking done.
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If she doesn’t see reason then she’s stupid. Sorry, but that was literally the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. The way you feel about her…….if I ever meet anyone that likes me half as much as that then I’d be happy….tell her how you feel and stay calm, if that doesn’t work then give her space and just let her work things out
I hope it does work out 🙁 I really care about her so much, I feel like hell for how I hurt her I really do. I wish I could take it back. I want her to be happy, but I just knew when I was with her that she is the most important person to me. She helped me so much, and I just want to see her again.
Wolfie, I urge you and hope you can make it through your 90+ day regiment despite these thoughts and feelings, I know how devastating it can seem, unrequited love is a terrible thing to endure when so intense.
but, do your regiment, see if there is an impact, if it turns out you start to be/feel more clear, get a boost perhaps even uplifted a bit, then please try do another regiment, couple of months, “as you” new and improved, to see if you still feel and think this strongly, or if a fog clears and some sort of realization might sets in to free you, if only in part, of these thoughts, feelings, free you of her, free to find something more, maybe even someone more.
If the mind do clears it might not be the worst that happened to you
and if not, square one is always ready and waiting should you desire or need to return.
But do yourself the favour and see if you cant, in time, with a clear mind and body, rid yourself of these bonds, because unrequited love is nothing but chains and shackles, pinning you down to a rock, left alone but for ravens picking at your flesh, innards and soul
I would like to think that you shall break free, I hope so, for you,
unbound, freed from love free to love.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you Wolf
You’re right, i’m walking around in so much pain, i’ve closed my heart off from it, and have become a jaded person.
Wolfenstein, I totally get it. I mean REALLY GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I had a relationship like that 30 years ago and managed to fuck it up for completely different reasons. You will probably never get over her, but you can get past this. I won’t tell you that you’ll love someone else just as deeply, but your heart can still love and receive love.
The only thing that worked for me? Meditation/mindfulness/perpetual motion. Every time I thought of him, I would acknowledge that it was a thought and let it go. No, it’s not easy, but it got me past him so I could actually engage in life again.
I’ll always love him. He will always be “The One”. Nothing will change that, but life does go on, if you let it. Idk if that helps or not. But yeah, it’s a devastating, soul-crushing loss. But you still have worth.
It is soul crushing, i’m just realizing I don’t want to go on without her anymore. Even if I could, the desire isn’t there.
This is so beautiful it made me cry. I feel the same kind of love for someone, but she’ll never notice me so it really hurts to think about it.
The feelings you describe here are so beautiful… you don’t deserve to do it, you’re such a lovely person. The world needs more people like you, who love with all their passion and don’t fill their mouths with empty words. I sincerely hope everything goes well.