it sucks. There’s always someone prettier,funnier,smarter and nicer. I guess I’m jeleous really and just being cold hearted. I understand you can never be the best but it hurts still. Constantly devastated over the fact your friends are beautiful and will always gets the guys. No one will ever give me a chance. Nobody wants the frizzy Curly head weirdo but instead wants the stunning girl with the beautiful blue eyes and long dark hair. It makes sense. No matter what people say looks sadly matter. Nobody looks on the inside anymore. I’m 16 going on 17 and haven’t kissed,hugged or ever been in a relationship with someone. I’m too ugly and awkward. I have so much to give and I know I could give so much love but it’s no good. I’m not a classic feminine beautiful girl. It just feels shity. I know I’m jeleous which I hate. I shoudnt be resenting other girls just because they were gifted with beauty and likeabilty. I should be happy for them about the fact that they can find love easily and they can feel wanted. I wished someone would look at me the same they look at they beautiful blue eyed girls with porcelain skin. Maybe someone there. But I don’t want to wait. I feel I have wasted my teen years by not fooling around and having relationships. It upsets me. Jealously is horrible.
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Listen Present(This is a guy writing): “I feel I have wasted my teen years by not fooling around and having relationships” dude, just look around you, almost everybody has ‘fooled around’ and has ‘been in relationships’ from the hobo down the street to the cashier at your local store to the bus driver, and none of them have reached Nirvana, none of them touched on a new spiritual level, they’re the same they’ve always been, and always will be. All the pretty girls will get married, get knocked up, have a couple of disgusting fuckin kids, get older and uglier and have the same boring stupid spirits they’ve always had until they die wondering what the fuck happened.
When you look at your parents, do you ever say to youself “Oh boy I really want this for myself someday…”, I hope not…
You’re at the crossroads: either go for the first pathetic fella that comes your way and follow in the footsteps i just described, if you think it’ll make you happy or… I don’t know what… But you’re gonna have to figure it out
PS. ‘Likeability’??? What does that even mean? That people around them smile while thinking about stuffing their penis inside them? Is that what you want? Is that how you “want people to look at you”?
I like what you’ve said. I don’t want to be desperate and follow a typical path. As pathetic as it sounds I’ve put my stupid self worth based on if people like me. It’s ridiculous. I don’t want the boring life of marriage,kids and happy after. I want something different. However at the same time I can’t help but feel shit when nobody will take a chance. I dont want to be viewed at as some sex object , I just want someone to like me genuinely despite there being so many “pretty” girls around them . I feel pathetic feeling like this but sadly it’s the truth.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. Many people base their self worth on whether people like them. Sometimes they never ‘grow out’ of it. You have a chance to challenge it though – you’re aware it’s an unhealthy way of doing things. Over time, with lots of self-forgiveness and self-love, you can learn to base your self worth on something else.
Well you’re gonna have to spot the guys who didn’t go for the pretty girls because they know that that’s all they are: pretty girls… and know that doesn’t mean they would have what to talk about or understand each other etc.
BUT be very careful for the guys that really really wanted a pretty girl but failed to woo one, so know they’re willling to take a chance on you.
Most importantly, just stop giving a shit… know that you don’t want one of those guys who is desperate to get his hands on any girl that’ll have him
Aww baby. I know how you feel. You might not think so, but most people feel the way you are feeling at some point. I’m 27, and I have curly hair (which is sometimes frizzy), and I’ve had loads of boyfriends. When I was 16, I hadn’t had a boyfriend ever. I lost my virginity when I was 18. When I was 16 I realised I was never going to get big boobs like the aesthetic ideal we have in our society. It hurts to not fit that beauty ideal – because if we’re not ideal, we are told by everyone that we are not good enough.
Most people are not ideal. It benefits companies for women to think they are not ideal but they might be able to be ideal if they buy a cream or brand of clothes etc. Those companies don’t care how much it makes people like you unhappy, as long as you spend money.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It’s true. I find people attractive who other people think are unattractive. I don’t mind. Less competition for me to be with the people I really want to be with.
Weird and awkward? Those are normal teenage things. Mostly people outgrow that. And if they don’t, it becomes a charming sort of weird and awkward, that other weird and awkward people love 🙂
I recommend you google stuff like ‘everyday feminism’, ‘capitalist beauty ideal’ and ‘the beauty myth’. The way you are thinking is a result of the society we are in. There’s lots of info out there pointing out the problems. I think it will help you.
Everyone wants to feel wanted. Please don’t feel ashamed of that.
Jealousy is an interesting one. I don’t know much about jealousy, except that it’s a combination of several feelings – shame, guilt, sadness, anger.
Teen years are for experimenting. You’re right. But they’re basic experiments. Things don’t stay like this forever. People don’t stay as shallow as they are when they grow. Looks matter less. Social dynamics in school are incredibly difficult as well. Eventually there will be people that WILL see who YOU are beyond your looks. In the meantime, you get to experiment with things other that relationships – other things you spend time doing. For example, you’re practicing writing, and practicing expressing and articulating emotions and thoughts. That’s a FANTASTIC thing to be doing. It will serve you well. Keep doing that.
To be honest, I don’t really want to be with someone who just likes me for how I look. That would mean they don’t care about who I am inside – what I’ve invested in being. I am an amazing person inside, and just liking me for my looks would be disregarding that.
i understand. i am also 16 years old, and i have never been in a relationship. im an awkward ugly thing that guys just dont like. all my friends are gorgeous and all they do is go after my friends. never me.
the only thing getting me through this is what i tell myself every day. Just think, relationships come with heartbreak. If you dont date, you cant get your heart broken? i tell myself this every day. so maybe im better off alone.
even though my heart is broken because no one i love, loves me back.
but i will keep telling myself this anyways.
but im sure you are a beautiful person and i wish you luck. dont worry, youre young and have so many opportunities ahead of you. just you wait 🙂
you know that thing guys are told about girls? “Girls want/like/prefer a guy with confidence”
guess what, guys feel the same about girls
looks is only a fraction of what a guy and most guys want, “being sexy, attractive, desirable” is more about confidence, about what you are able to project
a girl can be physical attractive as hell in a way that would make Aphrodite jealous, but if she projects herself in a demeanor “the guy”, dislikes, she needs to be exponentially proportionally more attractive in another way, because “a guy”, can only take “so much” shit, from a “beautiful *****”
the age old cliche “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is true, still even today.
yes society and media pushes and tries desperately to shape the guidelines for that, but all for money, greed, nothing else, and it will never make it true.
there is only 1 biological fact, nature likes symmetry, because it is impossible, so the more “symmetrical” someone is the more physical attractive they appear, but since no one and nothing in nature is ever completely symmetrical, it should not be of any worry
it is why we all have different tastes, some like big butts, some like petite boobs, some like a combination of both, some likes plastic
as long as ones left side of the face isn’t triangular, and ones right side is square, as long as ones left ass cheek isn’t flat and the other pointy, then there will always be enough symmetry for someone to desire, and yet even if ones face and ass were like that, I bet someone would still like it, because humans are delightfully “weird” that way, liking, loving, both the mundane the unique, and the different.
Looks matter, yes, but not as much as most think, and mostly not in the situations people think.
the harder you have to project a confidence, satisfaction and desire in yourself, the harder it is for others to see
PS. I dislike and think it’s a stupid and fake societal “norm” that we/all have and must be kissed, “loved”, have sex and relationship by X age, when in fact, most don’t.
I blame hollywood teen love movies, like Disney, poison the mind with fairytales
most of my friends and in my class didnt experience that until after high school, everybody insecure Bambis, standing, stumbling on their tripping legs, trying to skate on an icy lake, because some rumour told them that’s what Bambis was supposed to.
Everyone is different, we are wonderful and lovely like that, and everything happens and appears to us equally differently in due time, making us more wonderful and lovely completely different.
This, too, shall pass.
High school has very little to do with adult real life.
The way to get dates is to keep asking. No matter what. Keep asking.
You know, in the 1700’s, the pretty girls today would have been seen as emaciated, unhealthy twigs who probably have scurvy. Just sayin’. Everyone likes something different, but if all someone’s looking at is the beautiful package, they might miss the rotten nuts inside. That’s been true forever.
I think it’s best to make sure you’re in a relationship because you admire/desire/love the other person, not because you need to feel admired or desired yourself. It’s necessary to get that kind of validation, but when it doesn’t come from someone you love in return it only ends up feeling empty and cold. Have you ever been complimented by someone whose opinion you didn’t give a shit about? It’s like that. Even though you’d have a boyfriend, it’d feel about as good as carrying around a bag of detritus.
Trust me, you aren’t missing out on anything when it comes to love. If you find someone worth pursuing, pursue. Otherwise, it’s good to leave things well alone.