I wont bother ranting about how bad my life is, or how bad my childood was. Its the same story over and over here. Im sure my little world is no better or worse than any other.
What i would like to post about is the post a just read about a mask, someone asking if you are ok,… “im fine”
The only person i have told that i may kill myself i was married to for 5 years and we are going through a divorce. I told her i think about coming to the house and doing it in front of her. I said this not to threaten or be mean but because i truly think about it all the time. I wanted her to know thats how bad she makes me feel every day. Ive thought about suicide long before knowing her so this isnt a rant about a shitty relationship. My own personal catch 22 is that i work in health care (haha ringt?) I listen to other peoples problems all day but if i try and get help ill screw up my career. The past few weeks i have had several appoints for an unrelated issue with socialworkers, over and over they ask “are you going to hurt yourself or others” i even had to sign a contract saying i wouldnt hurt myself,…… seriously? A piece of paper is going to solve this? If i seek help ill seriously screw up my career and with no family, relationship, meaningful skill i think i might just go through with it. But if i dont get help and i just do it none of that matters anyway.
Unrelated but ive randomly been thinking about different ways, and the whole no one would miss you and all that shit so much i realized i think about suicide like a young couple in love. Its the first thing on my mind in the morning, late at night i think about doing it the next day. Random things throughout my day draw me back to the same thoughts.
1 comment
As long as you don’t admit to wanting to hurt yourself, can’t you still seek help for depression/insert dark feeling? I feel like this is a common occurrence in your line of work especially and that makes the guidelines especially dumb.