I know it’s a brain chemical and hormone related factor involved but I just think it’s so bizarre how depression can severely take a toll on your sex drive lowering your libido to almost nothing. Why some experience it and not others too? Science is just so weird when it comes to stuff like that. It’s such an innate, natural thing we have for good reason, but gets all messed up once the brain goes haywire somehow.
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it’s one of those things i’m unsure if affected by my depression.
since i’ve always had a bit of an, “overly healthy” sexdrive, which means it’s still there now, i just haven’t exactly kept score to see if its actually “less”
maybe i should start counting tissue paper expenses and see if the book keeping matches up with the earlier years
But for some it just disappears completely with the depression… like they have no interest whatsoever…. even if they have a lover/spouse/bf or gf…. it just goes away for some people but not others… they don’t get turned on by things they usually do or lust for their lover like they used to… I just think it’s weird that one can effect the other. Kind of a bummer!
well considering exactly how much possible is at play i actually don’t find it that surprising
you know that old cliche “not tonight honey I have a head ache/tired”, considering that even at our “normal” levels, sometimes even “smaller” things is enough to dampen the mood enough, so when something like depression got “major” things going on, even before the possible chemical and hormonal stuff, it’s really not that unexpected.
even with a healthy libido, something “simple” as mere stress can be enough to get annoyed and not turned on by usual stuff
so if depression is all the way up on like 11or 12 on the 10 scale, then i’m more astonished that one of the clear cut symptoms from depression isn’t just a penis falling off, since that would make some sort of sense
but being one of the better things in life, it might be one of those that are more important we try to find ways to be able to still enjoy while we endure depression, since if we are stuck with depression for a good while, it would make that much suckier if we find ourselves completely unable to enjoy even that in any way, so definitely one of those things where i think one should try try again and try a bit harder to keep on ones “things that i still like” list
I agree but because it IS more the mind than the body in control how does someone override those feelings… if you aren’t aroused it’s hard to derive pleasure… like going to a party you don’t really want to be at.. you smile and pretend you’re having a good time, but you can’t wait to leave cause your miserable being there.
It must suck for those in relationships that feel like they have to have sex with their significant others as part of their “duty” and commitment when they don’t have the interest. Sex shouldn’t feel like a chore.
“Sex shouldn’t feel like a chore”
indeed, agree wholeheartedly
but if one have lost the “spark” so to speak, because it’s some of those vital things, to be able to enjoy, it’s one of those things one should try to force a little bit
like, give it a try and “tolerate” the attempts, might not feel the same to be touched in the same places, but allow the par+ner to try and see if something can be triggered, and if not in the usual way then try harder i.e experiment and see if something else can do the trick,
sort of like, sure one might not want to go to the party or enjoy it, but still goes and gives it a try, because there is the “no” limit and the “NO!” limit, so one should keep at it, a little past “no”, to see if something can’t be stirred back up just enough
doesn’t always happen or work but can, and i think it’s one of those areas in life its important to give it a shot
and if it turns out what does it is to be stringed up, hogtied, as a midget in a gasmask spanks a mule and a 7foot giant with nipple clamps recites Proust while flicking grapes with whipped cream at one, all at the same time one is being tased wearing a ballgag, well, thats just okay, the important thing is to find something one is able to like and enjoy during depression, no judgements, since happiness/enjoyment is paramount, more so during depression
Lol to each their own as far as kink goes but I agree with you. I think you should lend your body to your lover and try and like you said see if something can be triggered into getting your groove back. What’s it gonna hurt if it doesn’t work? You’re right back to where you were at the start right? … actually it can hurt something, it can drive a further wedge into the relationship making your lover stray or be a catalyst for other areas of the relationship to fall apart. I still think people should try though…. ball gags, midgets, mules, nipple clamps and all if that’s what it takes for ya! 🙂
yea key of course being only past the “no” limit and never the “NO!” limit, so to not be another source of negative/down during the already ongoing struggle
suppose it works best when understanding/knowing each others real boundaries limit, or at least able to communicate them and maintain the trust that it doesn’t go to full “NO!”
can work though, but suppose with all things its up to the individuals if they think its worth the risk or the effort to enjoy sex again if desire is “lost”
Everyone is different. Sex is about the mind, not the body. Even if people are depressed there may be some emotional or spiritual component that makes it work for them. There is a phase of my depression I get super needy so I fuck alot. (If there is a species, gender, and age compatible par+ner available.) Otherwise, meh.
“Sex is about the mind, not the body” I have also found out that the enjoyment and desire for sex are linked to the mind, otherwise it would be a simple bodily function like peeing. We would do it because we “have” to and we wouldn’t miss it.
I find that when my mind is in the “now”; when there is no striving, I have no desire for sex or for orgasm.
Orgasms are strong when I am reaching / Striving. When at peace, I still feel the impulse but the pleasure derived is not as overwhelmingly strong.
Ah so it’s a bit of a stress reliever for you… that’s more the purpose for you Timel3ssDecay?
I’m glad it’s not a regular body function… that would so ruin all the fun of it!
So far my depression hasn’t affected my libido, being single at the moment has though, but I know it does for a lot of people. I usually am good to go anytime he is. Guess I should consider myself lucky…. but then again I could be in for some kind of med that will destroy it. I have heard that Wellbutrin does have a REALLY good effect on the sex drive. It must really open the pipes up in the brain to surge all those endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, all the “feel good” chemical reactions through to the rest of the body.
Wish I was seeing someone to try it out on! 🙂
I shouldn’t say purpose, maybe I should say the benefit?
@ Snorlax:Yeah I get the typical everyday normal reason of being exhausted or not in the mood at that moment, but usually the next day or few it can change and you might be rarin’ to go. But for so many, depression just zaps them completely of it and it can last awhile with no interest in it whatsoever…. but yet you still may have other pleasures like music or art or writing that doesn’t go away even though you are depressed… but sex you lose zest for. I just think it’s weird as someone who likes sex to ever lose interest in it period.
@ SeeSmith: so do you think you see/use sex as an upper of sorts? Or is it just your way of having some sort of physical contact, a connection with other people to satisfy THAT need for the time being til the depression depletes it and you get back that needy feeling again?
I guess for some it can go the opposite direction and make them hyper sexual, but that is the stuff I find so bizarre. That the mind in one person goes one way and the mind of another goes the opposite in this particular instance, but then I guess at that point we start getting into a different area of brain activity and environmental factors come into play.
my “strangest” discovery so far was probably to learn my sexdrive remain intact(at least somewhat since record keeping lapsed in the accounting department these past years), when all the other things i do/did enjoy had no trouble vanishing seemingly in an instant, leaving me to lie in my bed or couch, doing nothing, and no desire to do anything at all, barely enough to even contract and expand the abdomen to breathe
yet
for some inexplicable infuriatingly dumbfound cruel joke reason, i still wake up with or get a random boner
honestly, i wouldn’t mind to have lost a little bit more sexdrive and traded it for a desire to get a little more out of bed, go outside, or just, enjoy playing a video game again or a simple real life conversation
but nope, for now, stuck with a boner
maybe the trade off comes later…
just gonna lie here face down and sigh ungratefully into my pillow until someone volunteers and switches body/brain for a while
I have no sexdrive at all 0.o
Is it because Im still a virgin?..
Right …of all the things to not lose. The thing you need least right now ya still got… isn’t fate funny that way sometimes… the jerk. It is like some cruel joke I agree…. maybe the change will come when you least expect it…. or not.
That comment was for Snorlax and his boner, not you kuroneko… nothing wrong with keeping your virginity! 🙂
Many things: physical stress relief, psychological affirmation, distraction, quicker than a game of chess.
Study psychology, it’s whacked.
Lol “quicker than chess. ” You sound like you’ve had your fare share of “check mates “anyhow eh SeeSmith?
Yes all of the above reasons make sense and psychology IS whacked… but that’s what is so interesting about it . I love abnormal psychology ….just not being part of it. 🙁
Over 7 significant long term relationships. Don’t be like me, kids.
Last weekend I played chess — on a REAL chess board! It’s been like 20 years. I kept wanting to click a mouse…
@ kuroneko : no I don’t think being a virgin has anything to do with it.Some people have a hormone imbalance that can effect their drive being low, like in males too low of a testosterone level might be the issue. And some people are just asexual and I think that too can make a difference…. age can be a factor too.
I don’t get the same satisfaction playing games on computer than in person… like solitaire… much rather play that with cards in hand than clicking a mouse.
I cant remember a time when it wasnt high despite existing in what feels like a permanent mental ditch. My natural testosterone levels are over 1200 ng/dl, which led me to believe my problems stem from elsewhere
Maybe it is ….like some particular wiring of your personal brain as opposed to someone else’s like this whole mental illness thing. The whole science thing: biological, physiological, neurological…so many different explanations possible.