I’m really getting tired of waking up in the am, faking a smile, saying i’m fine and that everything is ok when it’s not..I’m slowly dying all I feel is pain and my depression is out of control I can’t get a grip of myself. A part of me is ready to go but the other parts wants to hang on just a little longer but i’m so tired man ughhh I just don’t know what to do anymore..
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Feeling the same. I should have gone into an acting career get paid to act. I struggle to stay awake all day but at night I just lay there awake from the screaming in my head
I can relate to this. Then I gradually wondered why it’s happened to me. Funny that I am still groping for plausible answers. I’ve kept several diaries as well, just to make sure I keep myself on track. Shit happens and I’ve been trying to adapt to that as best as I can.
There is this story of a little grasss that sprouted beneated a tree. It will have to outgrow nearly every other grass near it to get more sunlight. Otherwise, it will lag behind and, either it will wither away and go back to the original source, that is the soil, or it will grow and block sunlights that other grasses might need to grow as much.
I also remember another story of a wave. It’s from a book called ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’. “Morrie recounts a story he had heard about a small wave seeing the waves ahead of him crash on the shore, disappearing into nothingness. He suddenly brims with fear upon the realization that he too will soon ‘crash on the shore’ and, die as the wave fears he will. This little wave confides his fear in another wave who comforts him with the news that he will not crash and die, but will instead return to become a small part of the larger ocean.”
(source: http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/morrie/themes.html)
These kinds of story set me thinking and even theorising a life as a whole. Sometimes they make me feel at ease, if temporary, or it does make me accept life and death as it is. Maybe shaking off fear of life will also shake off fear of death. However, it’ll be up to you how to view life. Above was my point of view. Peace.
ps. Sorry if it was irrelavant or too long.