I am turned by the silence of an unanswered question. Dismayed by the lack of forethought, the utter obviousness of this heedless society lost in their own self-righteousness.
Dying inside I find I’ve been forever asleep numb from the cuts. Icy darkness has consumed all that has ever been real to me, all that will ever be. A single thought of hope will just drowned me further into this,.. My own abyss of loneliness.
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~All 3 parts, (if anyone cared, I know it kinda drones on)
Wrapped in disillusions of discontent, I lay in a state of half slumber, a state of misconceived realities that may very well be more real than the life I’ve held so dear. Fade away to nothing and you may know how it is to be me,. To be invisible. Cut yourself deeply and you will know how it is to feel as I do,.. Bleeding from wounds that can not be seen. Torturously I find myself sunken into my own shallow pit of despair, unable to climb out for you have given me the tools to shackled myself, held down by a feeling of self worthlessness.
I spin in the cold cold darkness. Taken aback by my own remorse.
Crushed under the weight of my own self doubt I know nothing of what could ever be.
Anything that has ever been has all but escaped me and all that is; is so surreal it’s lost all it’s reality to me. Betrayed by even my own hope I’m left laying here with but a remembrance of it,… fleeing for a sense of self worthlessness. This vile remembrance of what once was nothing more than a lacking thought of indifferent passion.
Lost and forgotten I find no reverence in what has never been,… what is not now nor can ever be.
I am turned by the silence of an unanswered question. Dismayed by the lack of forethought, the utter obviousness of this heedless society lost in their own self-righteousness.
Dying inside I find I’ve been forever asleep numb from the cuts. Icy darkness has consumed all that has ever been real to me, all that will ever be. A single thought of hope will just drowned me further into this,.. My own abyss of loneliness.
Ah. You were posting this as I was asking you to do so. I will read it.
Okay. Wow. You have something here. It does relay a certain feeling that I will now associate with you. You should take a poetry class. There is a raw talent here that you should develop further. Open mics are good places to relate to similar personality types and share intimate parts of yourself that no one else would ever know. They can be cathartic or terribly isolating because of the proximity to people of similar make up.
Two lines jump out at me:
“Crushed under the weight of my own self doubt I know nothing of what could ever be.”
and “Lost and forgotten I find no reverence in what has never been,… what is not now nor can ever be.” FOR ME (not for you, but for ME) these lines do not ring true. It is the opposite for me:
Crushed, forever
That empty weight
Oh what excruciating might
Those oughts have been
Exact! Impotent
By doubt. Lost, with
Reverence loosing
Its grip on life
Forgotten.
That’s how it is for me and that you brought this internal dialogue is amazing. You should pursue this. (And I am aware my poetry sucks, but I write it because sometimes prose fails).
Had I been.
Your poetry doesn’t suck,… if it expresses, releases, explores what makes you “you” then it can’t suck it’s unique in its expression and construction.
Thankyou for reading my thoughts and reflecting/posting. I appreciate the feedback back. Be well
You have wonderful insight and depth. Let me know if you pursue a poetry group. If you let me know where you live I may be able to recommend a group and I have a friend (in L.A.) who is an editor and coach.
You have an honesty that comes through, and that can’t be taught.
Thanks SQ, I just write for me tho so im not interested in putting anything out there (feel safe here with the anonymity) one of the main reasons im “here” on SP is because I don’t like people,… more correctly they don’t like me so I tend to avoid social situations. But thankyou so much for your kind words.
You’re still going into moderation because of the name change. . .
I get it. Believe it or not, I’m shy. I would prefer to avoid social situations altogether, but I force myself whenever I am able to. (Sometimes I get there, park, and then drive away).
When people meet me, they would never know I’m as uncomfortable as I really am.
The reason I suggested an open mic is that it actually is pretty anonymous and not very interactive. Writers can be odd people, and therefore very accepting of others’ oddness. No worries. Keep writing.
Also you can go to the dashboard, click on moderation, and then click on your own post that’s there and approve it. That may break the moderation curse of the new name.