I spin in the cold cold darkness. Taken aback by my own remorse.
Crushed under the weight of my own self doubt I know nothing of what could ever be.
Anything that has ever been has all but escaped me and all that is; is so surreal it’s lost all it’s reality too me. Betrayed by even my own hope I’m left laying here with but a remembrance of it,… fleeing for a sense of self worthlessness. This vile remembrance of what once was nothing more than a lacking thought of indifferent passion.
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Yes, I feel betrayed by my own hope as well.
Betrayed because it shows up, too late and too strong. Because it tempts me with lies. Because it dares me to not just “hold on” but to drum up all the strength from my deepest reserves, to give a wholly committed effort and then waits in the corner, crouched in darkness, mocking.
Passion though? I’ve never known it to be indifferent, impersonal maybe.
I don’t understand why you say people don’t like you. I wonder if it is an easy fix, like learning not to stare or not blurt out things that make others uncomfortable. You’re deep, man. There’s someone out there for you. I’m sure of it.
Maybe I should have posted this under poetry and not general,…. sorry it’s not to be taken literally. The intention is to express myself and let my reader take from it what they will,… ironies, contradictions, metaphors and all.
I broke it up into 3 parts because it’s a bit long and probably a bit boring to get through all at once.
As for me I would sum up my issues as being socially awkward, and lacking any kind of charisma. Some people are just naturally likable, have that great charasisma, for those people to exist on that scale people like me must exist on the other end of it we call people like me “that guy” I’ve learned to come to terms with it,… if possible I would like to become a home steader and just disconnect from society and disappear. Unfortunately I have very little skill hunting (although I try) or any other skills needed to be completely self reliant. So taking the dirt nap seems easiest to wake myself up from this bad dream.