In an effort to break the cycle of depressive / suicidal thoughts I’ve been doing a lot of reflection. What I’ve come up with is that I’m “that guy” I’m 34, divorced twice both women were my only friend but we never really got along. I try very hard to show interest in other people’s lives, even go hunting or go to a party and try to make friends with co-workers but after once or twice I just don’t get invited and everyone seems busy. I conclude these two things,….
1: some people are naturally charismatic, I’m at the opposite end of that spectrum
2: the more I try to make lasting or real connections the less I want to try, who wants to spend their life failing at just fitting in?
Because of these two immutable facts and because I don’t want to just go live in the woods and cut all contact with society it’s just easier to hit the fast fwd button and get to the end of my pointless story a little quicker
1 comment
Sounds familiar. It’s just too damn difficult to “fit in.” Sometimes I wonder WHY I try – I’ve always been a loner, and once I start “fitting in”, I quickly realize I don’t want to be part of this mundane, trivial group of boring people, and as with you, they lose interest in me because I’m unlike them. Oh well! I hear your frustration and I feel it also.