Dear fellow suicidals

Hi guys.

I’m back. After multiple posts saying that I am going to commit suicide, I am still here, alive.

But, I have come to a stage in my life, where I have no fear of death, and am seriously, almost certainly intent on dying. The only stopping me from dying is the uncomfortable methods of suicide, like hanging, cutting blood vessels, etc that have stopped me till today. I am not lucky enough to be born in the USA so that my forefathers have allowed me to keep guns. I live in India, a society whose political leaders don’t let us live well, and neither do they let us die gracefully with a gun. But, I have one hope, and that is ********. I will import ******** as soon as I have enough money (******** is expensive). Then, when I get hold of it, I will write a suicide note to donate all my organs to the needy. After all, that may help me in my salvation if nothing else.

My mother. I used to love her a lot, but things have changed inside me now. I love her, but I have become a bit selfish too now. I cannot just let go of that lovely feeling of thought of dying. Death will end all my troubles. I might become a ghost no doubt, but all my physical illness will disappear with death.

I am with you guys for a few months at best. I have lived through the entire life cycle of contemplating suicide, the fear of suicide, etc and I feel that I am the last stage of actually accepting death.

The world is a beautiful place. I forgive everybody and I want to leave love for everybody. Even though I may still not be around, but I still wish for peace and happiness and love in this world.

Amen.