My dogs, my angels with fur instead of wings; I was supposed to take care of them forever.
I don’t know what to do with them. I love them so, so much. They will be lost without me. I need them to be loved and to be safe. I got to go, though, I can’t stay.
My things, took a lot of effort, energy, money, back and forth traveling to get them all here. I don’t have any money to send them back to my family. Want them to have my things. Baby clothes, his school things, memories. Mean so much to me. I brought them all here.
My body, I have no family here, where would it go but sit somewhere cold, no money to be shipped back to my family. They have exhausted everything in helping with some of the move here. I don’t want to be cremated, I don’t want chemicals or a showing. I wanted a private natural burial. None of that will happen now.
A few years ago, I knew I had no chance in life because of my circumstances. I knew I had no chance, I knew my future wouldn’t be bright. People tried to convince me otherwise. I pushed on somehow and now I’ve been stranded, in a worser place in life than I imagined.
I am so certain now of what lies ahead. I just want the ones I care for to be safe, and to have my things. I don’t want to leave them, but I can’t struggle more after what’s been done to me. They are innocent, they don’t deserve not to have me to care for them. I wanted good things for them. I can’t be here anymore.
3 comments
How are you feeling now? Im sorry im so so sorry for what youve experienced. It must be indescribable and you must hv been suffering a lot to type this. You are now in a place where no one knows you, right? No one has the right to hurt you now isnt it. Youve saved your life from them and still send them everything you got. You dont owe them a life, you dont die for them. Youve just lit up your life and perchance brought yourself a brighter future though youre mentally so broken. Youre too good to die for them they dont deserve it. The world needs you.
Yea i may not understand much, and i cannot do much, you do, i hope you can
Dont cry too much anymore, youre too precious to do so. I hope someone understands you. I hope you’ll meet someone or encounter something in the new city that will make you live on, or find the value of your life, to hold on it for a little bit more
Best best wishes
Hi eeemmmmm515 -Thank you for all you say. Makes me cry. Thank you so much, but I must go, no other way. I cannot cope with it anymore. Am physically, emotionally, mentally and financially broken after this. Can’t do no more.
Dont give up. Allah has mercy.