Mind like quicksand, but I try to stay above land.
Kaleidoscope of different scenarios. Life falling in a burial. Heart broken like shattered glass, not healing no mater how much time has passed. Haunted dreams every night, becoming weaker after every fight. Can’t distinguish what is real or in my head, every night laying on my deathbed. Anxiety, bipolar and PTSD, is slowly overpowering me.
Suicidal Thoughts but I’m afraid of death, continuous thoughts of how I will lose my last breath. Anxious, anxious all the time, but with meds they tell I’ll be just fine. Irritable, angry, sadden and scared, all through my mind like a light up flare. Haunted by night haunted by day, why can’t these flashbacks just stray away? They tell me is gets better after a few years. But that doesn’t stop me from living in fear. I see his face in a lot of men I know, I try to ignore it but he lurks in the shadows. I can’t stop these thoughts , I can’t stop these feelings. All I want is to start healing. My mind is loud like a riot, while everyday life I stay quiet. I was only 6 years old, why can’t I just let it go? Kidnapped, molested and held with a knife, he ended my life, because now I suffer day by day. I’m surprised my mind didn’t decay. He’s the one who hurt me, so why do I have to feel like I’m crazy? Through counseling and grieving I won’t give up, I have a daughter now to take care of. With prayers and faith my God has given me the strength. I have to keep pushing on, I will keep moving forward and try to stay strong. This is my mental illness, I’m the one who will defeat this.
#PoemsByAngelica #PoemsByAngelicaValdez
2 comments
I read what you wrote. I wanted to reply, but your story cuts way too close to my own so I’d better not.
Thank you for letting me into your life. That is such a loving thing to do, and it is so very hard.
So glad you Keep fighting.