My quick story, 49 years old living in chronic pain for 10+ years, disabled now, lost a $200,000 income, married 27 years/together for 31…..When I was young, 16 ish I tried to OD and survived. At that time, I thought life was over and never going to get better. Flash forward to today. I will be in a wheelchair soon due to pain taking away everything, my wife of 27 years tells me she wants to separate and has a boyfriend-reason….Because she can’t handle taking care of me anymore so imagine losing everything in life you worked for including a family due to a disease that you had no control over. Yes I wanted to die a month ago when I found out but I survived. Will I make it another month? year? I dont know the future but right now, I am here. Despite everything that has been thrown at me, I would not change a thing. Yes, it rips my heart apart and yes, I want to sleep forever at times but that is what makes us stronger. We have to have hope in the future. Without hope, why live? We all have hope inside us, it just gets buried and hidden at times and we fail to see it. Find that hope, it’s there. Tomorrow may not be better but the next day might be. Life is too valuable to let depression and fear win. I know everyone is different and it’s easy for someone to tell another ” Things will get better” but HOPE. If you are young, I’m telling you, you have your best days ahead of you no matter what you are going thru now. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Set short term goals for each day, talk to someone if you can, even a stranger….people do care. This site is proof of that. Strangers reached out to me when I was days away from ending my life. I know suicide talk is NOT a cry for attention, it is a cry for help. You would be shocked how much just writing your thoughts down in a public forum can help. Talking about it as well. Do what you have to do to find a release. Anyway, I hope wasn’t too preachy, I know when I am in deep depression, the last thing I want is some moron telling me it will be okay. Many of us can relate to you so speak up, email, message or whatever you want to do. There is always someone out there who wants to try to help when you’re down.
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9 comments
You should just divorce your wife after the way she been treating you. She a real selfish person. She has no empathy whatsoever
I would if i didn’t still love her so much. I hate that I love someone who is so cold nd elfish.
“I still love her so much” If she wants to marry her new boyfriend then what are you going to do?
Are going to still love her so much?
How can you be so strong with so many problems?
I don’t know….I honestly don’t know. I have my days where I think about using one of my guns but for some reason, I still think there is hope for me. Call me stupid but Ijust feel it
You sound like me on days when I also have hope.
Let me begin again, I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with, and thank you for what you’re saying Scott. You’re dealing with more than I believe I’d ever be capable of. Your words are kind.
This is one of those periods, however, when a bullet never looked so good. Not a lot of hope right now. Hope can be a good thing, but it’s also fleeting, temporary.
i agree with Chip
I have those days too. I think writing out my thoughts help. I do have more bad days than good but for some unknown reason, I am still here. I would not wish the past 5 weeks on anyone. The guilt I carried from being a burden on my wife and then being told she’s leaving because I broke my body to give her a better life….well, I have not come to grips with it yet. I find some days I sit and tell myself ” You’re not going to make it scott” but that’s when I ask whatever is out there givng me strength to give me some in that moment. I o to the cardiologist today. I went into AFIB and had a heart attack triggered from the stress with her so now I get to deal with this. It is overwhelming, I do need a break but each day I am here is one. I think the only reason I have not shot myself is my oldest son who’s getting married in October and would be destroyed if I did and that little thing called hope. I may live in a Fantasy World but ill take that over where I am in reality. Hang in there. I wont say if I can make it, you can too because everyone’s life is different. Wats hard on me may be easy for you and visa versa. I just dont know the outcome of my life but HOPE I finally start getting some of the karma heard so much about over the years. People always told me, ” Scott, you deserve better, you have something good in life coming…” Well, still waiting Chip :/ Good luck to you and anytime you want to just talk, say hello