I have this one friend, that I really love, like I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with her. I really want to spend the rest of my life with her actually.
But thing is that she’s depressed. She’s suicidal, and I want to help her but I don’t have a clue what to do, I’m afraid I might say the wrong things when I’m trying to help her. She told me she was about to be hospitalized for her depression and she doesn’t know how long she’ll be in there. I don’t know if she’ll have access to her phone and other stuff like that. I’m just scared for her.
But sometimes I don’t think she loves me, or cares for me to be honest. But my love for her is unconditional.
Per say about two weeks ago we kind of kissed, cuddled a bit, and then I asked her if she would like to date and she rejected me, I feel like I took it too hard. But I still love her unconditionally.
But sometimes I feel lost with how she feels about me. Like she doesn’t care one minute and the next she’s there for me. I love her for all her being.
But lately I’ve been feeling unhappy, I lost my appetite for a while after she rejected me and I still have really eaten that much since then. I’ve been having bad thoughts lately regarding my wellbeing. I felt at one night I just need to walk away from the relationship with this one girl, but at the same time I love her so much I don’t want to leave her. I felt the need to just disappear for a while for some odd reason. Like my existence doesn’t matter to her.
I’m being to feel like I don’t matter to myself at that to be honest. For some reason I just feel guilty about her not being happy, I feel the urge to punish myself. I haven’t done anything like that yet but I need some input from the outside, what do I do, what can I do, what should I do, I just have these thoughts racing throughout my head and I don’t have a clue what to really do.
She just told me not long ago she’s going to be hospitalized. I don’t know how long, and personally that scares the shit out of me. I don’t know if the patients can have phones or not.
Im just a 18 year old in Indiana, and I don’t know what to do. I’m going to put this in general and see what help comes my way.
2 comments
Sometimes they allow phones, sometimes they don’t.
Feeling guilty because someone else is generally unhappy is called co-dependence. You are young so hopefully you will grow out of it.
It’s great that you love her unconditionally. I suggest you stop collecting stories about the times she has rejected you, because that box is going to get quite full… and heavy.
Good luck!
Loving someone who is extremely depressed can be torture. Depression creates blinders that makes it difficult to consider others’ feelings. Your friend is struggling and hopefully her time in the hospital will help her. She is all the better for having a good friend like you who is their to support her. Just be cautious and take care not to get hurt in the process.
An analogy I can give is a person with severe depression is like a person drowning. You want to swim out and help save them, but the drowning person will grab onto you and may take you down with them. If this starts to happen you have to push them away, take a moment then try again. Be mindful that you don’t become a victim yourself.