My body has been completely suppressed by depression and I cannot move around much except for in my bed. Body is weighed down, suppressed. Haven’t drank or eaten much at all. I haven’t been able to take care of myself, which is making things worse for me. I can’t do much around the apartment anymore. Learned of more devastating things recently. I always knew, I suspected. I cannot go on, cannot survive.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
11 comments
Are there any organizations nearby that can help you? If you do need money, there’s always GoFundMe like I did suggest before. I can understand not wanting to accept financial assistance, but sometimes it’s the only option until one can recover and get back to a state of more stability. Or, if people have been treating you in ways that are criminal, then please inform the police. We don’t have to ignore law enforcement out of “loyalty,” if whoever wronged us did so knowing they could be held criminally responsible. Sometimes people make “mistakes” that harm others to the point that they do deserve justice from the legal system, although I don’t know if that’s what happened in your particular situation.
No, nothing criminal. Hurtfulness from him & his family that I cannot overcome. A lot of things that should’ve been done for me but nothing came but harshness from his family, just utterly heartbroken at how he handled everything. So much pain that I would be treated this poorly by people that I thought cared for me. Trauma and hurt affects people differently. I know I was meant to die. 3 weeks ago, something shook me to pieces, have been suicidally depressed since. I don’t know why it affects me to this degree but it does. More hurtful things I learned and devastating news last few days, that makes situation even more hopeless. Am completely devastated. I see no future for myself. Money is running out fast, and I can’t even leave my bed. I only gone out once during the day for over a month. I started shaking today as well. I don’t care about me anymore, just others that I am supposed to care for. I’ve fail them. I don’t know how to say goodbye. I guess I don’t want gofundme, because if any of my friends and family were able to help me, they would’ve already, and it’s okay. I know I am going to be gone from this. Fundamentally, my foundation was always weak, and I’ve struggle so so much my whole entire life and being abandoned and stranded in this way, I can’t survive it. There’s so much going on with me with my needs that isn’t just a simple thing with a simple solution.
I wish there was something I could do to help. Unfortunately I live too far away (I assume), to meet up with you and assist you in person.
I can’t help but think though that you’re stronger than you believe you are. You DO seem like a survivor to me, even if you don’t think so. Maybe if you try some local women’s help lines they could throw you a lifeline of some sort?
Of course I understand if people feel like they have no other choice but to end their life, but everyone deserves *peace* before they die, and I think it’s still out there for you. Don’t let anybody else take that away from you…
I’ve called many women’s helplines around here and not much they can do.. I know a lot of cities, and a city like this one appear to have a lot of resources, but nothing to help. I guess I can get on welfare or something but that isn’t going to cover my rent, or help with my health, well being or more problems.. I really lost my will after this.. I’ve thought very deeply about my life. People say I am resilient because I’ve gone through so, so much, the direst of circumstances. But we all have a certain threshold. This has pushed me to the edge and now, very soon over the edge. I just can’t anymore. You and I relate on certain issues– that has not changed for me, and you know how hard that is to cope with and how it gets worse over the years, and it has for me even more so in the last month. There are so many things happening now. Thanks for saying that, I’m probably further away from you now than I was. I’m on the West Coast now. I don’t want them to take that away from me.. but they have. Thank you so much for caring.
I understand. I don’t know what to say. 🙁 You’ll be in my thoughts and “prayers” (although I don’t believe in God).
I have found, however, that when I take better care of myself I am able to be productive and accomplish things I didn’t think were possible. It can be really difficult to take those first steps but it pays off. Small victories do boost your morale.
I don’t believe in God either, and thank you for keeping me in your “prayers”. I know taking care of myself has always helped me tremendously, but it takes a lot of effort and discipline for me to. My routine, my very strict regime.. I’m very much physically affected when I’m not on it, and when that happens, it starts to affect me emotionally, which leads to not taking care of myself. It’s a vicious cycle. I know they bounce off each other. Thank you, and I’m glad you have been doing better too. I hope.
Recently I’ve not been doing very well; I’m a trainwreck at the moment (one of the reasons why I’ve been commenting on SP again despite intending to quit), but I keep trying. I’ll do my best to improve myself and my circumstances; I know that everything else is out of my control.
I hope that you, too, will find peace with changing what you can, and “letting go” of what you can’t.
I’m sorry you haven’t been doing well, and it’s good that you are doing what you can to get better. Self care really is the most important thing. I keep telling people this and I have always tried to care for myself, but some things are so bad, you get everything knocked out of you. Hard, I can’t let go of what I believe is to be right. There is a moral compass to go by in life.
That is true, I believe that. In your case what it should mean is that those who were unempathethic towards you and were only self-serving while leaving you high and dry… THEY should now have to suffer for what they’ve done, but not you. I wonder if it would help you at all to get a lawyer? If they did do things specifically to screw you over, or didn’t provide you with something they had previously promised, especially through signing any documentation, you might have a case against them.
It’s late here, but I’ll check back tomorrow.
Self- serving, thank you for saying that, I’ve said the same thing. I don’t want to speak of any legal matters, though. I always believed that he would always want the best for me, that he would want to make sure I would be okay after abandoning me in that way.. I don’t know why he stopped caring, or why he has betrayed me, or why he has allowed his family to try to bully me, to take away what was promised. I know it has pushed me further into hopelessness. I can’t make excuses for him anymore. Maybe he is happy now, and he doesn’t care at all.. I can only believe now he wants to hurt me or else he would’ve made sure I was treated fairly. I was never going to make it anyway.. I’m very weak now. Only bad happens to me. I only care for my babies, not for myself anymore. I have no chance in life after this.
Well, if you care about others who you look after, then maybe think of it this way: if you care for yourself first, you’ll be better able to perform your responsibilities towards those who depend on you. Your babies are your dogs, right? They’ll be helpless without you, so maybe in the process of doing your best for them, YOU will also begin to recover.