For the last week and a half since his father blatantly tried to bully and manipulate me without an ounce of compassion, without any regard for what I have endured— I’ve been in pieces, unable to pick myself up. I’ve been in tears all the time since, unable to function. Instead of focusing on practical matters, I’ve been shattered to a point of no return. I needed to write, but couldn’t. So much to say but unable, because it hurts too much inside. Just want to tell him how I really feel, address what he said, but a person capable of this is without feeling, without empathy. It has pushed me so far down, I do not see light. I cannot bear any of this anymore. His father tried to use money to make me do things for them, to undo the mess he caused. He took back what they promised on and tried to use me to do things for them, without taking any responsibility for their actions. They do not care about me or the situation they put me in. I remember clearly that night, what his father did. Shattered my heart. They are the reason why I am stranded here. I am not to be manipulated and bullied by him now. It is tearing me apart that he tried to. He tried to push me down even more, I don’t know why. And he succeeded, he pushed me down. I believe now with all my heart that they all only want to hurt me.
It took me almost three years to get over my last relationship. But this time, it only took a few weeks for me to lose all the love and compassion I ever had for him. Can’t love or have sympathy for someone that has done this, but nonetheless, it hurts so, so much to know that he has, and now this. The aftermath is unbearable. He knows the difference between right and wrong, and yet he allowed it — it breaks my heart over and over again knowing this, and I can’t no longer endure it. What his father is doing has pushed me into a corner. I have nothing and nowhere to go. I know clearly how this will end. I can’t endure more. I would never want to raise a child having anything to do with this family.
I had bought a lot of new things for us– blankets, kitchen, bathroom, household things. The first time his father was here, it was before Christmas, I washed a new comforter for him that night before his flight back home. Wanted to make sure he would be warm. I gave careful thought to getting him some dark chocolates for xmas, wrapped them up nicely, and kept them in a gift bag along with a card and a gift for his wife. Just two weeks before it happened, I wanted to gather some fresh herbs for him to take to them, because I knew his father likes to cook.
His father did not blink- he didn’t that night when it happened. He did not blink either when he decided to manipulate me knowing I have no means.
2 comments
Hi
I don’t know your situation, only a vague outline of sort of details, based on your posts.
I know you’re hurting, and just wanted to take a minute to congratulate you.
On still being “here”, which is obviously difficult for you, but shows resiliency and strength.
I am not trying to be funny or stupid, I mean this sincerely. You’ve sounded so hurt, yet you’ve made some progress, if in no other way than by simply still waking each day and living.
I hope for good for you, and others affected in this situation.
Hi Chip, Thank you. I can’t say that I am stronger, the opposite, since I read what was said by the father. Nothing was said back, too shook up. It breaks my heart to know how little regard he has for me and those affected by what they did. I don’t see much light in my situation. Not sure I can persevere through something like this. I’ve been pushed into a corner with no other options.