So this is my first time posting here. I’ve had depression for about 1.5yrs. Something I don’t really understand is why people don’t really understand what depression really is? Why are other things that are so pointless, educated in our lives like maths or science. I know there is so much to learn in this world but I guess you need to really feel it to know what it is.
Do you think killing your own self is worse than a terminal disease like cancer or even killing someone else? How hard would a decision like that be to kill your own self. Contemplation is my game…..
When I was so close to suicide I told 2 of my friends and they literally took it as a joke. What could be more important then your ‘friend’ saying that their going to kill yourself? Oh yeah that would be yourself and your own life. Everyone is selfish in their own way but I guess I am as selfish right? I know I am
But no one deserves the right to feel sad. You didn’t do anything to stop it or even a small thing like try to understand when I talk to you. You just brushed it off like it wasn’t as serious as it is.
Why make an effort on life of no one makes an effort on you…..
2 comments
To me it’s a determined march to the grave. I was interested by the concept of whether suicide is worse than cancer or homicide. I think it’s a personal comparison. Personally I prefered the option of cancer to suicide, which is why I smoked like a chimney for a few years. As Kurt Vonnegut said:
“The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.”
In the end however the short term costs got me.
In terms of homicide I am personally incapable. To kill someone else would be the ultimate in theft, theft of their choice to end their life as they please. To do that would break my hold on sanity.
Depression, to me, is a physical manifestation of a negative outlook on life. This is how I see it in MY life. I am, at heart, a pessimist with low self esteem, and as such, I deny myself. Just about everything I want, I tell myself I don’t deserve it, I’m not good enough for it. It’s the same as another person standing there saying these things to me – after a while, you start to believe what you’re hearing, bam, depression. Who wouldn’t be depressed if all you ever hear is what a piece of shit you are, how undeserving you are, etc. I am simply repeating what I heard from my peers and parents early in life, and it’s a recording that plays nonstop in my mind. And I buy it, hook, line and sinker.
I could only kill another person in self defense or defense of an innocent. I’m not an other-killer. I don’t know if I can kill myself, but I reserve the right to hold onto the promise of escaping this life through suicide if situations warrant. It would be interesting in a macabre way to receive a diagnosis of terminal whatever. Not sure what I would do, but that .357 would start looking a lot better.
As for selfish – what is more selfish? A depressed person inflicting pain upon friends and family through suicide, or friends and family asking a depressed person to continue suffering and continue living so as to avoid causing THEM pain? They’re both selfish, and ultimately, we all must choose our own path to peace.
Noone is responsible for my happiness, my satisfaction in and with life except me. I look to noone anymore, after having looked at others for my happiness for years. It’s a waste of time to expect to be made happy and completely whole by other imperfect and flawed humans.