broke down and cried..

my kid was taking his afternoon nap, my girlfriend was smoking outside, and this gut clenching feeling came to me as so often. only this time i went to the bedroom, got my pillow and went to my study, dropped the pillow on the floor and laid my head on it. and then i exploded. this scenario might sound odd, but if you’re living in circles like me, sometimes you have to do odd things to break them, so i just learned.

back when i got my diagnosis, depression’s all i had. before my kid was born, and before i met my girlfriend. back then i used to be the one who took afternoon “depression” naps. in my childhood home, in my room, on the floor, with a pillow. and a set of headphones.

i’d say i cried for a good twenty minutes. my kid woke up and my girlfriend played with him in the next room (he’s 1.5 years old). i wanted to hug him so bad so i stepped out of the room and he dropped his toy and ran up to hug me and once again i teared up.

Last time I cried was about a year ago. It was good letting all this steam out. Wish it would happen more often.